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They seemed to think it was some sort of great dane/ greyhound mix. Don’t know how you can confuse the two though.
An Email from a US friend 😆 😆 :
A plea for help to my Canadian bretheren
I am honestly making this request from the bottom of my heart. Some of us down here in the States need your help. We want you to invade the United States. We have nut jobs in this country and they are actually getting elected to office.
Now I know what you are thinking: “But you hosers have made your own mess down there, we don’t want anything to do with you.” And you’re right, but we do have a few things to offer you, here are eight reasons why you should invade:
1. Hockey. I know, you’re wondering how the US can give Canada Hockey? But the majority of the NHL teams are in the US and let’s be honest, we don’t exactly treat them the way they deserve to be treated, they are considered second class sports by most Americans. Ask the average American who won the Stanley cup and they will stare at you blankly. You can have all our hockey teams and give those boys the love they deserve, besides all the players are already Canadian.
2. Unlimited Expansion of Tim Horton’s. Look, if you haven’t noticed we Americans have a weight problem, we’re fat. I’m eating a hotdog, drinking a milkshake and injecting my veins with butter as I write this. We all know that Timmy’s coffee and Donuts are far better than our beloved Dunkin’ Donuts down here so Timmy’s will have no problem finding customers.
3. Billions of Health care dollars. We pay more per capita for healthcare than you do, but over 50 million of us do not even have insurance. Do you know what that means? You can take over the private health care industry and combine it with your national health care system and you will have billions of dollars left over. All you need is to consolidate the mess we call private health insurance here and you will be swimming in cash, just like the private insurance companies are.
4. Republican Daughters. Just look at our Republican daughters. The Bush girls have been getting drunk every chance they get since they were teenagers. We know Palin’s daughter has no problem with pre-marital sex. John McCain’s wife was willing to have an affair with him while he was still married. These women are the best of both worlds, lady’s in public and freaks behind closed doors. You can bring these girls to meet mom then take them home for a wild ride.
5. The White Spot Restaurant. If you saw the diversity, or lack thereof, at the Republican convention then you would know that an eatery named “The White Spot” would be wildly popular here in the US.
6. Guns. I know Canada has some tight regulations regarding guns, but we have none of that here. You can shoot someone in the face and suffer no consequences, just ask our current Vice President. So for those of you who like to shoot things, come on down.
7. Comedy. We have this hilarious station down here that is all comedy, all the time. No, not Comedy Central, it’s called Fox News and it is hilarious. They pretend to be fair and balanced when they are really anything but, it really is funny.
8. Canadian Bacon. Once again our fatness is our weakness. Just cut it into the shape of a gun or a naked woman and we will never stop eating, your bacon industry will explode.
So there you go, eight reasons why you need to cross the border and invade us. Please help us. You will find about half of the country will welcome you with open arms. Thanks to our invasion of Iraq there should be no problem with one country invading another sovereign country, Russia has already exercised this new option.
I have my Canadian flag ready!
WindstoneCollector wrote:Plus he could peel wallpaper sometimes…
Where was he when TWINDRAGONSMUM was trying to remove her wallpaper! She could have used him! 😆
I can see this one getting some negative reactions, but….. LOL Jasmine.
The Timmies sector would explode. I loves my Timmies (and am sorely disappointed that an establishment such as NAIT would resort to Starbucks coffee, rather then the 2 Timmies in one room like the UofA did…)!
Canadian politics stuff… I got this email from my fiancee (because he can’t just tell me the joke, lol)
Making People Happy
Dion, Harper and Layton are flying on jet to a gathering in British Columbia when Dion turns to Harper and says
chuckling, ‘You know, I could throw a $1000 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy.’
Harper shrugs and replies, ‘Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten people happy.’
Not to be outdone, Layton says, ‘Well I could throw a hundred $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people happy.’
The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, ‘Such arrogant arses back there. I could throw all three of them out the window and make 32 million people happy!’
Hahaha! Replace those three names with a selection of most other politicians names and it works great every time! 😆
Blackdesertwind wrote:WindstoneCollector wrote:Plus he could peel wallpaper sometimes…
Where was he when TWINDRAGONSMUM was trying to remove her wallpaper! She could have used him! 😆
😳 😳 still working on wallpaper… got distracted by shiney fairy wings… 😳 😳
twindragonsmum 😀
tdm
Still stripping it? I could make ham and beans and send him over… 😈 😆 😆 (I was pregnant the last time I made those with him around, and I haven’t made them since…Jeez that was absolutley aweful! 😛 )
Getting Out of a Ticket.
A Gentleman in his midlife crisis went out one day and bought himself a Brand New BMW. Afterwords he took it out onto the highway for a nice cruise.
After driving for a while he decided to see what it could do. So he pushed down on the accelorator, 80, 90, 100. The engine was purring like a kitten.
So he pushed it some more. 110, 120. Then he saw blue lights. WELL CRAP. Wait a minute, this is a BMW. So he decided he was going to out run the cop.
140, 150, 160. The cop was still catching him.
He decides to pull over and take the heat. The cop comes to the window and says, “listen, i’ve had a long day, and I”m at the end of my shift. If you can give me a reason I’ve never heard before as to why you were going that fast, i’ll let you go.”
The Gentleman thinks about it for a minute and Says “Well officer, a week ago my wife ran off with a cop. And when i saw you, I thought you were trying to give her back.”Cop says ” have a nice day.”
Getting Out of a Ticket.
😆 😆 😆I’d love to read a collection of all the wacky excuses cops have heard. 😀
BANNED FROM WAL MART…….. ..
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women – – she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.1. J une 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.’
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
And last, but not least .
15. October 26: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!’
Regards,
Tom Richards
Walmart ManagerMale or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES: Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
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