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There’s 44 pages to this thread… there’s bound to be repeats somewhere… 😆 I think the tech talk is still funny though.
Girlfriend 6.0 vs. Wife 1.0
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. He’s finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
Some features he’d like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.
1. a “Don’t remind me again” button
2. a Minimize button
3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources
4. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system’s hardware probe feature to be much more useful.I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn’t work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing — all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
Bug Warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
Bug work-arounds: To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.
Tech Support Suggestions
These are very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything.
It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 6.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 6.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.
Some have tried to install Girlfriend 7.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under “Warnings – Alimony/Child support”. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.
I suggest installing background application program C:YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
>
> Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
>
> Please select from the following options menu:
>
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
>
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
>
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
> Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
>
> If you are delusional, press 7 and
> Your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
>
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully
> And a little voice will tell You which number to press.
>
> If you are manic-depressive, hang up.
> It doesn’t matter which number you press,
> Nothing will make you happy anyway.
>
> If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
>
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep
> Or before the beep or after the beep.
> But Please wait for the beep
>
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
> Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
>
> If you are menopausal, put the gun down,
> Hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
> You won’t be crazy forever.
>
> If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons.
> You’ll just mess it up.
>
> This coming week is
> National Mental Health Care week.
> You can do your part by remembering
> To contact at least
> One
> unstable person to show you care.
>
> (Well, my job
> is done . Your turn!!)
😆 😆 😆THE KNOB
A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new
procedure called “The Knob,” where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman’s head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.Of course, the woman wanted “The Knob.”
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the
effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
problems.
“All these years, everything has been working just fine. I’ve had to
turn the knob many times and I’ve always loved the results. But now I’ve
developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.”
the doctor looked at her closely and said, “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”
She said, “Well, I guess there’s no point in asking about the goatee…”Serenity wrote:I want this t-shirt…
😆
I need that shirt for work
Today I’m wearing one that says “All Stressed Out and No One to Choke”You know you’re a Floridian if . . .
> Your socks are only for bowling…
> You don’t use an umbrella because you know the rain
will be over in five minutes…> A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from
the store, but everything to do with shade…> Your winter coat is made of denim…
> You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and
mosquito bites…> You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are
over 65…> Anything under 70 degrees is chilly…
> You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction…
> You know that no other grocery store can compare to
Winn Dixie…> Every o ther house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in
2004, 2005, 2006…> You know that anything under a Category 1 just isn’t
worth waking up for…> You dread love bug season…
> You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They
aren’t Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as
Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan and Wilma…> You know what a snowbird is and when they’ll leave…
> You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average…
> ‘Down South’ means Key West …
> Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business
meetings & church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to Church before…> You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one
; sweatshirt…> You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls…
> A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level…
> You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season,
love bug season, tourist season and summer…> You’ve hosted a hurricane party…
> You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , and Micanopy…
> You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a
boat, than have a boat yourself…> You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t
swim…> You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and
New Years…> You recognize Miami-Dade as ‘ Northern Cuba ‘ …
> You know it’s okay to take your golf cart to the store…
> You have the weather channel programmed on your TV as one of your favorites.You not only forward this but you understand it!
Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season Is Like Christmas
Number Ten:
Decorating the house (with plywood).Number Nine:
Dragging out boxes that haven’t been used since last season.Number Eight:
Last minute shopping in crowded stores.Number Seven:
Regular TV shows pre-empted for ‘Specials’.Number Six:
Family coming to stay with you.Number Five:
Family and friends from out of state calling you.Number Four:
Buying food you don’t normally buy . . . and in large quantities.Number Three:
Days off from work.Number Two:
Candles.And the Number One
reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas:
At some point you’re probably going to have a tree in your house!
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