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😆 😛
I like the regional quirk lists. Mom is from Michigan and we still have relatives there, so I understand. 😆Greater Basilisk wrote:😆 😛
I like the regional quirk lists. Mom is from Michigan and we still have relatives there, so I understand. 😆A lot of them overlap. It’s more of a ” You know you’re from the country” type of thing than a particular state. 😆
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 —CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, ‘Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘ Logan ‘s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, ‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident’… I just lost it.’
‘CASE DISMISSED!!’
THE COPING DIET
Only friends can understand this one. This is specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.
Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milkLunch
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s kissAfternoon Snack
The rest of the Hershey kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate
chipsDinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers BarsLate Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts.
Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds.
Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew) and you will lose 10 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. That is why I had to pass it on; I didn’t want to risk it. 🙂
Blackdesertwind wrote:ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 —CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, ‘Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘ Logan ‘s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, ‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident’… I just lost it.’
‘CASE DISMISSED!!’
On first glance, that’s hilarious. On second, that woman is a nincompoop. Why didn’t she just ask the guy why he was laughing? And this kind of things goes to court and costs money… 🙄
Greater Basilisk wrote:On first glance, that’s hilarious. On second, that woman is a nincompoop. Why didn’t she just ask the guy why he was laughing? And this kind of things goes to court and costs money… 🙄
Well I could see her getting upset at the smile and the grin though, I smile at random people all the time! But when he started laughing I would have asked what he was laughing for… probably rudely… 🙄
Subject: Fwd: Drafting Guys over 60
Drafting Guys over 60
—-this is so Funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier—-
New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some terrorist that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the heck. Besides, like I said, ‘I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical terrorist.
If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push ups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. In the ‘New army’ now, ‘Get down and give me ….. er . One.’
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million ticked off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are
already behind them. Also, we won’t get in trouble for mistreating prisoners.
We won’t take any.If nothing else, put us on border patrol….we will have it secured the first night!
Share this with your senior friends. It’s purposely in big type so you can read it!!!!
Go ahead Click one
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Greater Basilisk wrote:On first glance, that’s hilarious. On second, that woman is a nincompoop. Why didn’t she just ask the guy why he was laughing? And this kind of things goes to court and costs money…
Well, because it wouldn’t make as good a joke if she acted logically.
It’s like when my son and I are watching TV and one of us says “Oh, come on, nobody would do that!” The other pretty much has to point out that, Hey, it’s just a TV show (or movie). If the characters acted sensibly the entire plot would fall apart and the studio wouldn’t have bothered filming it.
Or, Hey, it’s just a commercial!
Or, Hey, it’s The Simpsons!
I like the old soldiers one… my grandfather would have made a heck of an old soldier, he would argue the poor people to death… 😆
The Castle [Dave wrote:“]
Greater Basilisk wrote:On first glance, that’s hilarious. On second, that woman is a nincompoop. Why didn’t she just ask the guy why he was laughing? And this kind of things goes to court and costs money…
Well, because it wouldn’t make as good a joke if she acted logically.
It’s like when my son and I are watching TV and one of us says “Oh, come on, nobody would do that!” The other pretty much has to point out that, Hey, it’s just a TV show (or movie). If the characters acted sensibly the entire plot would fall apart and the studio wouldn’t have bothered filming it.
Or, Hey, it’s just a commercial!
Or, Hey, it’s The Simpsons!
Obviously. But it seems this was a real story, not something somebody made up. Which, as I said, makes the woman a nincompoop.
Dragon87 wrote:I like the old soldiers one… my grandfather would have made a heck of an old soldier, he would argue the poor people to death… 😆
Khat, that was great! Have any more like that?
Greater Basilisk wrote:Dragon87 wrote:I like the old soldiers one… my grandfather would have made a heck of an old soldier, he would argue the poor people to death… 😆
Khat, that was great! Have any more like that?
I’ll see what I can find 😆
Go ahead Click one http://dragcave.net/user/khat7***Greater Basilisk wrote:But it seems this was a real story, not something somebody made up. Which, as I said, makes the woman a nincompoop.
No, it’s a joke. You are not going to get arrested for laughing at someone, though you may get kicked in the shins a few times. The worst that could happen is that the guy would have needed to explain himself to an attending police officer, or an irate bus driver, or the woman herself.
According to Snopes, this joke has been around for a long time: http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/busrider.asp
And of course I am reminded of the time a little kid was told not to swallow bubblegum because it could make you swell up. So he’s on the bus one day when a pregnant woman sits opposite him. He bursts out laughing and says “I know what you’ve been doing!”
The Castle [Dave wrote:“]
Greater Basilisk wrote:But it seems this was a real story, not something somebody made up. Which, as I said, makes the woman a nincompoop.
No, it’s a joke. You are not going to get arrested for laughing at someone, though you may get kicked in the shins a few times. The worst that could happen is that the guy would have needed to explain himself to an attending police officer, or an irate bus driver, or the woman herself.
According to Snopes, this joke has been around for a long time: http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/busrider.asp
Oh, good.
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