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Jokes and email sharing

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Viewing 15 posts - 601 through 615 (of 939 total)
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  • #600382

    Hahaha! 😆 😆 😆

    #600383

    At least they warn you:

    #600384

    😯 😆

    #600385
    Purplecat
    Participant

      😯 😯 well, that’s a different sign….. 😆 😆

      #600386
      Maebnus
      Participant

        Ah, the Midwest. In case of tornado, let’s cram as many people as possible into the nastiest smelling area of the airport (instead of forgoing the giant wall of windows that look out at nothing but the ugly parking garage – oh wait, that might just be Omaha). Yeah, that sounds like a plan. 😕

        #600387

        😯 From the looks of it (and I know what it’s supposed to mean, but it looks so wrong) any guy could suddenly have a tornado up his…. well… you get the idea… 😉

        #600388
        Laurie
        Participant

          Just it case you didn’t know…

          You know you are from Georgia…..

          1. You can properly pronounce Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega, Smyrna, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and La Fayette.
          P.S.. Atlanta = ADD-LANNA not AT-LANT-A.

          2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.

          3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

          4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of
          shade..

          5. Stores don’t have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.

          6. You’ve seen people wear bib overalls at weddings and funerals.

          7. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.

          8. You measure distance in minutes.

          9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

          10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

          11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

          12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

          13. You know someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

          14. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Methodist.

          15. A Mercedes Benz isn’t a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

          16. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

          17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

          18. Ironically, you only crave Chik-Fil-A and alcohol on Sundays..when neither are sold.

          19. On one side of the road there’s Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field.

          20. The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road.”

          21. “YALL is a word.

          22. Fried chicken is a major part of your diet

          23. Krispy Kreme dounuts are the only kind of dounuts you eat.

          24. You call it a cold Christmas if you don’t break out in a sweat in your new sweater.

          25. When a single snowflake falls, the entire state shuts down, even if it doesn’t stick. The radio and TV news will make snowstorm reports every 10 minutes and the grocery store will be completely sold out of bread, milk, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

          26. People actually grow, eat and like okra!

          27. You know the difference between a hillbilly, a redneck, and a Southerner.

          28. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

          29. Panama City Beach, Florida is a big deal.

          30. You understand that at least once a year your car will turn yellow with pollen.

          31. You know at least one Bubba, and maybe a few guys named Bo.

          32. You say “tuna fish sandwich.” (not tuna sandwich)

          33. You use “Sir” and “Ma’am” if there’s a remote possibility that person you’re talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.

          34. Braves=good. Yankees=bad. Mets=LOATH

          35.You love sweet tea, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and all Southern comfort food…and Southern comfort

          36. You donʼt appreciate it, You preciate it.

          37. Your last words might be, “Yall watch this.”

          38. Herschel Walker, Larry Munson, Sid Bream, Hank Aaron are legends

          39. You say and know what “I bet your sittin in tall cotton right now” means

          40. You use the heater in the mornin and AC in the afternoon during the “winter” season

          41. You might have heard of people finding their lost boat in a lake that has dried up recently

          42. You know that Hurricanes are those the really big storms that give us lots of rain and a lil wind while at the same times destroys Florida!

          43. You know the metal cages with wheels that u put things in at various stores are called Buggys!….Not Shopping Carts!

          And finally…
          This one is the absolute Gospel truth! I have said this so many
          times!!

          44. You are 100% Georgian if you have ever had this conversation:

          “You wanna coke?”

          “Yeah.”

          “What kind?”

          #600389

          Hey Y’all. I resemble that remark. LOL
          You also know how to use All Y’all, yonder and kinfolk as proper grammar Hee Hee
          😆

          #600390

          I fit all these 12 + years ago, before i was transplanted South

          You might be a Michigander …

          … if you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.

          … if your definition of a small town is one that doesn’t have a lake.

          … if your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any sport!).

          … if snow tires come standard on all your cars.

          … if at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.

          … if you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.

          … if you can identify an Ohio accent.

          … if owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.

          … if you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.

          … if you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.

          … if you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you grew up.

          … if you don’t understand what the big deal about Chicago is.

          … if someone asks you if you’ve been to Europe and you answer, “No, but I’ve been to Ann Arbor…”

          … if “Down South” to you means Toledo.

          … if you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.

          … if traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.

          … if you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as “trolls” or “lopers”.

          … if the “Big Three” can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino’s, Little Ceaser’s and Hungry Howie’s.

          … if a Big Mac is something you can drive across.

          … if you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.

          … if you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones.

          … if your kid’s baseball or softball games games have been ever been snowed out.

          … if the trees in your backyard have spigots.

          … if you know that a place called “Kalamazoo” really exists.

          … if you bake with “soda” and drink “pop”.

          … if you know what a pastie is. (pronounced Pass-tea)

          … if you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

          … if you have a favorite hockey team.

          … if you don’t have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor’s.

          … if you know how to play Euchre.

          … if you classify your friends and relatives as “yoopers,” “trolls,” “Canadians,” or “not from ’round here,”.

          … if you know at least 2 yooper jokes.

          … if fudge and Bicycles remind you of your honeymoon.

          … if you can name all 5 of the Great Lakes, and point to their locations around your left and right hands.

          … if you don’t cross picket lines.

          … if you used to think Deer Season included an official school holiday.

          … if you know that Pontiac and Cadillac are cities.

          … if you’ve been to Hell and to Paradise and back again.

          … if you had Tornado Drills in elementary school.

          … if you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot’s classic ballad, “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald”

          … if you can actually pronounce Ypsilanti.

          … if the first decision you have to make on an international trip is, “bridge or tunnel?”

          … if you own only three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.

          … if you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

          … if you have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

          … if you have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

          … if Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

          … if you’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

          … if driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

          … if you think everyone from the city has an accent.

          … if you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

          … if you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

          … if the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

          … if your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

          … if summer takes place the second week of July (and it still rains!!).

          … if you know which leaves make good toilet paper.

          … if you find -20F a little chilly.

          … if the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

          … if you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.

          … if shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

          … if you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

          … if you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by.

          … if your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.

          … if you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year.

          … if you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time.

          … if “vacation” means going up north on I-75.

          … if you know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

          … if you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

          … if you see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings.)

          … if you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

          … if your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

          … if a brat is something you eat.

          … if your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.

          … if your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

          … if your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it’s not medicine.

          … if you know what a Yooper is.

          … if you know that UP is a place, not a direction.

          … if you know it’s possible to live in a thumb.

          … if you actually understand these references … and you forward the URL to all your Michigan friends. 😆

          #600391

          Hey, my daddy works customs on the bridge from Port Huron to Sarnia…he’s on the Canadian side though. 😆

          #600392

          Jasmine wrote:

          Hey, my daddy works customs on the bridge from Port Huron to Sarnia…he’s on the Canadian side though. 😆

          I grew up in MI. Been hiking and canoing in the Northern Light Falls area of Canada years ago. Beautiful. Except for the part where I went over the falls 😆

          Go ahead Click one =-) http://dragcave.net/user/khat7 **

          #600393

          Some of these are the same as Michigan, but hey… I had to… 😀

          You Know You’re From Alberta When…

          – ‘Vacation’ means going to Banff or Jasper park or going ‘Back to School’ shopping in Calgary.
          – You know several people who have hit deer more then once.
          – You often switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day.
          – You use a down comforter in the summer. (So true… 😆 I use it with my fan on full blast…)
          – You can drive at 100km/hr through a raging blizzard, in 13ft of snow, without flinching.
          – You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
          – You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
          – Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
          – You know both seasons, winter and construction.
          – Your idea of a tractor jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor and combine crew on the highway.
          – You’ve seen all the biggest bands… 10 years after they were popular.
          – Your school classes were canceled due to cold, but only because it was below -40C and the water pipes froze.
          – You install security lights on your house and barn… then leave them both unlocked.
          – You know what ‘Cow Tipping’, ‘Garden Raiding’, and ‘Snipe Hunting’ are.
          – Driving in the winter is simply a matter of staying in between the fence posts.
          – You think that washing your pickup is a waste of time and money.
          – You’ve never owned a vehicle that didn’t have cracks in the windshield.
          – You get claustrophobic when you’re in a ‘big city’ like Red Deer, and the traffic is ‘just awful you wouldn’t believe it’.
          – You know how many cords of wood it will take to get through the winter.
          – You think that the opening of elk season should be a national holiday.
          – You carry a roll of toilet paper in your glove box, just in case you have to go by the side of the road.
          – Your radio antenna is a coat hanger or an old piece of bailing wire.
          – You find -20C ‘a little chilly’ and go outside in shorts.
          – You learned how to drive on ice before you learned to walk.

          #600394
          Bob

            I’m glad I do not have to deal with any of that winter stuff

            #600395

            Ya get used to it. I loved Lots of snow at Christmas time. Just doesn’t seem the same down here. But that’s about the only time, I was always too cold. I love the South. 😆

            Go ahead Click one * *

            #600396

            A wedding story ……..

            Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat.

            H e said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said,
            ‘Here – try these on.’

            She did and said, ‘These are too big, I can’t wear them.’

            I replied, ‘Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’

            ‘Ever since that night we never had any problems.’

            ‘Hmmm,’ said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

            So, on his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, ‘Here – try these on.’

            She tried them on and said, ‘These are too large. They don’t fit me.’

            Mike said, ‘Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.’

            Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, ‘Here-you try on mine.’

            He did and said, ‘I can’t get into your panties.’

            Karen said, ‘Exactly. And if you don’t change your smart ass attitude, you never will.’

            And they lived happily ever after.

          Viewing 15 posts - 601 through 615 (of 939 total)
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