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Crazy Facts
—If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)
(I’m still not over the pig.)Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(Honey, I’m home. What the…?!)The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human
jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life..quality over quantity)Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm…..)Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)Got this from Cat.
I LOVE MY JOB
If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it’s real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on off shore drilling rigs. Below is an Email he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a “Worst Job Experience” contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office, it’s a wet suit; this time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is, we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops, totaling thirty-five minutes, before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream, and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So the next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it could be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, ‘I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.’ Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
Oh my goodness! 😆 Certainly my bad days at work have never been THAT bad (or involved so many people laughing at me!) 😆
Thanks for sharing! 😆
I’m very glad I’ve never had that day at work! 😆 😯
I’ve heard that one before, my grandmother sent it to me when I was complaining about working at the only Starschmucks in Grande Prairie at the time…
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy-woman” and started canvassing a nearby well-to -do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said, “How much will you charge me?”
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”
He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”
The wife replied, ” You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by e-mail lately.”
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” the startled Husband asked.
“Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.
“And by the way, ” the blonde added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”
Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don’t do what they’re supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end. BUT……… Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you…Or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life! The world wouldn’t be t he same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other sti ll. Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did. Short and very sweet: There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her email at this moment.
Ain’t it the Truth!!!
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic items.
‘How much do you weigh?’ she asks.
‘115,’ she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, ‘Your height?’
‘5 foot 8! ,’ she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only me asures 5′ 5′.
She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.
‘Of course it’s high!’ she screams, ‘When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!’An ITALIAN BOY’S CONFESSION
This could only happen with a little Italian kid..
‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl’.
The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?’
‘Yes, Father, it is.’‘And who was the girl you were with?’
‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation’Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as
well tell me now.Was it Tina Minetti?’
‘I cannot say.’‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’
‘I’ll never tell.’‘Was it Nina Capelli?’
‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’
‘My lips are sealed.’‘Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?’
‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, Joey Pagano,
and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You can not be
an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.’Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, ‘What’d you get?’4 months vacation and five good leads.
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