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Jokes and email sharing

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Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 939 total)
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  • #599827
    BDW
    Participant

      Dragon Master wrote:

      I’m now crying at work since my mom just passed away in April

      🙁 I’m sorry…I did not want you to cry at work.
      But it will make people think twice about putting this off and not spending more time with loveones.

      #599828
      Bob

        it’s OK there are several things that make me cry when thinking about her lately

        #599829
        BDW
        Participant

          Dragon Master wrote:

          it’s OK there are several things that make me cry when thinking about her lately

          My Mom is still here but when I see her in pain (every day now) I cry too and find life very unfair. 😥 It’s also starting to frighten me since I have the same thing as her and I started at 32 where she started at 58.

          #599830
          Bob

            I hear you I had to watch my mom go down hill for 5 year from her first tumor to death and it was horrible. Cancer is nasty and it was hell to watch her go thru it 3 times with 7 tumors. All in the lungs

            #599831
            Brian
            Participant

              I saw this on tv a couple days ago. Warning alot of bleeps. Swear jar commercial 😆

              #599832
              Skigod377
              Participant

                Hilarious!! Talk about backfiring! 😆

                #599833
                BDW
                Participant

                  A case of Wrong Email! (Just for Laughs)

                  If u need a good laugh .. read on ..

                  A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where
                  they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the
                  husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.

                  The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.However,
                  he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without noticing his error, sent the e-mail to the wrong address.

                  Meanwhile…somewhere in Houston … a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to
                  glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
                  messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his
                  mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

                  To: My Loving Wife
                  Date: Friday, October 13, 2005
                  Subject: I have Arrived!

                  Dearest Love:

                  I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send an email to your loved ones. I have just
                  arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and I look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

                  P.S. It’s sure is freaking hot down here!!! 😉

                  #599834
                  Jasmine
                  Participant

                    Dear Wife,

                    I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it… These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new haircut, I cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to bed after watching all of your soaps.

                    You don’t tell me you love me anymore. You don’t want sex anymore or anything, either your cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the cause I’m gone.

                    Your Ex-husband

                    P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together…Have a great life…

                    Dear Ex-Husband,

                    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
                    I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and gripping.

                    I did notice your hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” but my Mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice.
                    And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my Sister because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50.00 from me that morning…and your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

                    So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me.

                    So take care Signed…Rich as Hell and Free.

                    P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. Hope that is not a problem.

                    #599835

                    😆 😆 That’s too good!

                    #599836

                    😯 😆 Thanks, Blackdesertwind and Jasmine.

                    #599837

                    😆 😆 😆

                    #599838
                    Purplecat
                    Participant

                      😆 😆 😆

                      #599839
                      Skigod377
                      Participant

                        Oooh, thats a good one!

                        #599840
                        BDW
                        Participant

                          Lesson in biology

                          A teacher is explaining biology to her 1st grade students.
                          “Human beings are the only animals that stutter”, she says.

                          A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered”, she
                          volunteered.

                          The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could
                          become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

                          “Well”, she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
                          rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it,
                          he jumped over the fence into our yard!
                          “That must’ve been scary”, said the teacher.

                          “It sure was”, said the little girl. “My kitty raised his back, went
                          ‘Fffffff, Fffffff, Fffffff, Fffffff’…And before he could say “Fuck”, the
                          rottweiler ate him!”

                          🙁 Poor Kitty

                          #599841
                          BDW
                          Participant

                            Baked Beans – This is hilarious!

                            One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

                            Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

                            Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”

                            He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
                            I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

                            The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
                            It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously

                            Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

                            Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

                            My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

                            At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: “Happy Birthday!”

                            I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 939 total)
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