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Jokes and email sharing

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Viewing 15 posts - 541 through 555 (of 939 total)
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  • #600322
    Jasmine
    Participant

      HERE’S A NEW ‘TWIST’ ON THE BEGINNING…

      EVE’S TALK WITH GOD

      “Lord, I have a problem.”

      “What’s the problem, Eve?”

      ”I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

      “And why is that Eve?”

      “Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”

      “Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

      “Man? What is that Lord?”

      “A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But he’ll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly.”

      “Sounds great,” says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, “but what’s the catch Lord?”

      “Well, you can have him on one condition.”

      “And what’s that Lord?”

      “As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, so you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know, woman to woman.”

      #600323
      twindragonsmum
      Participant

        😆 😆 😆

        tdm

        #600324
        Bob

          So in that cased why do women have an exrta rib??

          #600325
          Jasmine
          Participant

            Maybe men just have one too few… 😈

            #600326
            siberakh1
            Participant

              Dragon Master wrote:

              So in that cased why do women have an exrta rib??

              Actually, no. That is incorrect and a myth passed down from, in all likelihood, medieval times when people generally didn’t cut open cadavers to verify such things. Quoting google for ease of posting from work:

              “A typical human ribcage consists of 24 ribs, 12 on each side of the thoracic cavity, the sternum and the 12 thoracic vertebrae in both males and females. A small proportion of people have one pair more or fewer but this is unrelated to sex. Humans have seven rows of true ribs, each with its own connection to the sternum. Humans also have three rows of false ribs which connect to the ones above it. The last two rows, which don’t connect to the sternum, are called floating ribs. In the front, the upper 7 ribs are attached to the sternum by means of costal cartilage. Due to their elasticity they allow movement when inhaling and exhaling. The 8th, 9th, and 10th ribs join with the costal cartilages of the ribs above. The 11th and 12th ribs are known as floating ribs, as they do not have any anterior connection.”

              I don’t want to step on any religious toes (as this can be a touchy area for some), but if you don’t believe me, check your medical guide or your own x-ray. Unless you are in that odd percentage, you’ll find that you have 24 ribs, regardless of gender. 🙂

              #600327

              siberakh1 wrote:

              I don’t want to step on any religious toes (as this can be a touchy area for some), but if you don’t believe me, check your medical guide or your own x-ray. Unless you are in that odd percentage, you’ll find that you have 24 ribs, regardless of gender. 🙂

              *starts poking self and counting ribs* Good to know, either way. I like nifty tidbits like this. 🙂

              #600328
              Maria
              Participant

                That makes plenty of sense. God didn’t change Adam’s DNA by taking one rib. 😉

                #600329
                Adaneth
                Participant

                  Greater Basilisk wrote:

                  That makes plenty of sense. God didn’t change Adam’s DNA by taking one rib. 😉

                  Quite true! 😆

                  The ‘Adam’s apple’ bit has always amused me like that as well.

                  #600330

                  after the fire dept can no longer afford to buy gas for the engines

                  #600331

                  i would have to carjack this guy

                  FAIL EPICLY

                  Wide Load

                  Suitable for drunk driving ???

                  #600332
                  siberakh1
                  Participant

                    safyre_dream wrote:

                    siberakh1 wrote:

                    I don’t want to step on any religious toes (as this can be a touchy area for some), but if you don’t believe me, check your medical guide or your own x-ray. Unless you are in that odd percentage, you’ll find that you have 24 ribs, regardless of gender. 🙂

                    *starts poking self and counting ribs* Good to know, either way. I like nifty tidbits like this. 🙂

                    Yup. Tidbits to impress people with at cocktail parties, as one English prof. I had liked to say. 8)

                    I like the bicycle fire engine Necron! If only the tires were a little wider for some better traction. That first car looks like it has some jet propulsion stuff hooked up 😛 Reminds me of Back to the Future! 8)

                    #600333
                    Jasmine
                    Participant

                      Necron99 wrote:

                      i would have to carjack this guy

                      Oh man, I would love this…I wonder how much it cost to modify…

                      #600334
                      Maria
                      Participant

                        That’s one cool car. It just needs a fancier paint job.

                        #600335

                        I may be cruel and sadistic but I really like the fire engine on fire. I would call that an epic fail. 😈

                        #600336
                        Jasmine
                        Participant

                          A fellow in a bar notices an attractive woman, always alone, come
                          in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he decided
                          to make his move.

                          “No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in
                          this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the
                          man I love.”

                          “That must be rather difficult.” the man replied.

                          “Oh, I don’t mind too much.” she said. “But, it has my husband
                          pretty upset.”

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