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I didn’t see that coming either. And the widow must either be another blonde or blind if she didn’t notice the face wasn’t that of her late husband!
She said she switched heads, so the face would be the same…
And OMG! That was unexpected. And disturbingly funny. 😆
Aging Housewives
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some women are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Peggy. It all started when I retired a few years ago, it became necessary to make ends meet for Peggy to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
Shortly after she started working though, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from fishing about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she usually says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the lodge so eating out for dinner too is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table or in the sink for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, guys, you know we take ’em for better or worse right, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch the bill paying out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much. I however, remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too. I know that I probably look like a Saint in the way I support Peggy. I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use ‘a little more tact’ and less criticism of your aging wife because of reading this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Signed, Jim
EDITOR’S NOTE: Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Zebco reel, a Shimano fishing rod and a tackle box jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of the fishing rod showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder.
The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his fishing gear.
Q. Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore— —-under fiction.Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the
basement. When you are done you will have a nice place to live.Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: ‘And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt.’Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.Q: What can I do for these crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: ‘Gee, I remember these.’Where can they find their dentures? In their mouth.
Happens to my grandfather more often then I can think of… though now he doesn’t wear them. 🙄
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE…WHY?
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!The average number of items in a woman’s bathroom is 337? Dang!
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, ‘Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?’
The other blonde turns and says ‘Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????’*CAR TROUBLE*
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, ‘What’s the story?’
He replies, ‘Just crap in the carburetor’
She asks, ‘How often do I have to do that?’*SPEEDING TICKET*
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, ‘I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!’*RIVER WALK*
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. ‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts, ‘How can I get to the other side?’
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, ‘You ARE on the other side.’*AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE*
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
‘Impossible!’ says the doctor. ‘Show me.’
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, ‘You’re not really a redhead, are you?
‘Well, no’ she said, ‘I’m actually a blonde.’
‘I thought so,’ the doctor said. ‘Your finger is broken.’*KNITTING** *
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’
‘NO!’ the blonde yelled back, ‘IT’S A SCARF!’*BLONDE ON THE SUN** *
*A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!’ * *The American said, ‘We were the first on the moon!’ * *The Blonde said, ‘So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!’ * *The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. ‘You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!’ said the Russian. * *To which the Blonde replied, ‘We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!’ **IN A VACUUM** *
*A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’ * *She thought for a time and then asked, ‘Is it on or off?’ **FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!** * *A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’ * *’HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the blond. ‘They’re watch dogs!’*
*AND ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD… *
*A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has your picture on it.’
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
‘Here it is,’ she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ‘Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop. *
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