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If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when ‘ Hollywood Squares’ game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ ll never forget.Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laughI feel old, not only do I remember Hollywood Squares, but I can hear Paul Lende’s voice giving his dry satrical responses.
Kyrin
Kyrin wrote:I feel old, not only do I remember Hollywood Squares, but I can hear Paul Lende’s voice giving his dry satrical responses.
Kyrin
😯 😯 😯 Me too! 😯 😯 😯 I really loved the way he laughed….. 😀
twindragonsmum 😀
tdm
Definitions:
These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.WRINKLES:
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.PhoenixTears wrote:ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.This would be me. 😉
Vaseline survey
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, ‘I’m doing some research for Vaseline Have you ever used the product?’
She says, ‘Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.’
‘And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for? ‘
‘We use it for sex.’
The researcher was a little taken back. ‘Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?’
The woman says, ‘I don’t mind telling you at all…my husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.’
And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke. Shame on you.
Jasmine wrote:And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke. Shame on you.
Darn right I did! Funny though…
Dragon Master wrote:2Huberts wrote:Blackdesertwind wrote:I think you all can appreciate this one…
I went into the gas station today and
Asked for five dollars worth of gas…..The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
😛 🙄 Yep, that’s about right!! 😆
You would only get 12/ a fart here. Gas is gettign close to $4 a gallon and over for DeiselOver $4 here. I’m in Wisconsin and we’re going for a week horseback riding in south dakota and we figure pulling a gooseneck trailer with 2 horses in it it’s going to be over a thousand dollars round trip just in gas. Or I guess diesel I should say lol
Maebnus3 wrote:Jasmine wrote:And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke. Shame on you.
Darn right I did! Funny though…
Yup. 😆
Greater Basilisk wrote:Haha! Those would go well with Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary.
Whats that about? Im not dark but I like reading about all kinds of paranormal things. Title sounds ominous and intriguing.
And admit it yous guys, you sometimes did route for darth vadar and the dark side… mwahahah
Neither nor, PhoenixTears, just very amusing.
http://www.alcyone.com/max/lit/devils/
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