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I have heard that before but it’s still funny. I have no idea how they could get all of it back in the pants with just a spoon. Unless he is that small
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry midterm. The answer by one student was so
“profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it as well:Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the
different religions that exist in the world today.Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,”
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that
since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct….. ..leaving only Heaven,
thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,
last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
This is amazing. The artistic talent of this 12year old girl is beyonddescription – you have to seeit to believe it!What a beautiful gift she hasto share!ENJOY!
Dusty Underwear
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!’
His wife was not amused and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
‘What the Heck is this??’ he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out. ‘April,’ he hollered into the bathroom,
‘Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?’
She replied with a snicker…
It’s not talcum powder……
It’s ‘Miracle Grow’.’Fun Facts:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I’m still not over the pig.)Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(Honey, I’m home. What the…?!)The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes… Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity)Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm……)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)What about a pigion or is it the pidgeon that does it 50 times a day and each time lasts 30 minutes. Is that why they Cue all the time??
11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope,
under a helicopter.10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them
all, so they decided that one had to leave,
because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren’t able to choose that person,
until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,
as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her
husband and kids or for men in general, and was
used to always making sacrifices with little in return.As soon as she finished her speech,
all the men started clapping …….
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