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HAHAHAhaha! Great laughs!
Star, I love yours, especially the line about Congress. PT, thanks for sharing; they’re great. And Jasmine, the graphic is hilarious. I’ve seen it written out before, but it’s even better in color. 😆 😆Jasmine, do you have the companion graphic to that? They have one just the same way, but poking fun at men. I doubt I can find it but sure you guys can, youre so quick!
Glad you enjoyed GB 😀
I have the info but I don’t have the graphic made up. Did you want me to email the info to you? I know you’re fast at Photoshop and it would take me a while. PM me with your email if you want it or I can just post the info here.
Jasmine wrote:I have the info but I don’t have the graphic made up. Did you want me to email the info to you? I know you’re fast at Photoshop and it would take me a while. PM me with your email if you want it or I can just post the info here.
My schedule is hectic and Im talking here and doing 2 other things at the same time. I say just post the info, separated out as much as possible for us to get the idea. It’s worth it. If I can later, I’ll make it into a graphic unless someone beats me to it.
But it’s worth the read to hear the flip side of that!
Okay:
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFO SHEET (Men)
=======================================MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
MEN – A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs
SYMBOL: EGO
DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as “singles bars”. Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface often covered with hair–bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common Sense.
3. Melts if treated like a God.
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman’s skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became
friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They
discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he
noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken sandwich. He said, “Hey,
how come you’re not eating chicken, don’t you like it anymore?”She said “I love it but I have to stop eating it.” “Why?” he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said “Because I’m starting to grow little
feathers down there!”“Let me see” he said.
“Okay” and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, “That’s right.
You are! Better not eat any more chicken.”He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut
butter. He said to the little girl, “I have to stop eating chicken
sandwiches. I’m starting to get feathers down there too!”She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She
said “Oh, my God, it’s too late for you! You’ve already got the NECK
and GIZZARDS!!!Please read before viewing picture – it’s worth it!
A picture began circulating in November. It should be ‘The Picture of the Year,’ or perhaps, ‘Picture of the Decade.’ It won’t be. In fact,unless you obtained a copy of the US paper which published it, you probably would never have seen it. The picture is that of a 21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who is being operated on by surgeon named Joseph Bruner. The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if removed from his mother’s womb. Little Samuel’s mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse in Atlanta . She knew of Dr. Bruner’s remarkable surgical procedure. Practicing at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville , he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb. During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the baby. As Dr.Bruner completed the surgery on Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon’s finger. Dr.Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile. The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity. The editors titled the picture, ‘Hand of Hope.’ The text explaining the picture begins, ‘The tiny hand of 21-week- old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother’s uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life.’ Little Samuel’s mother said they ‘wept for days’ when they saw the picture. She said, ‘The photo reminds us pregnancy isn’t about disability or an illness, it’s about a little person.’ Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 percent successful. Now see the actual picture, and it is awesome…incredible….and hey, pass it on. The world needs to see this one!
PS: I got this in an email. I can’t attest to it accuracy.Here it is:
I checked it out on snopes for you. The picture is real, but the description is inaccurate.
The Spoon
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ‘Steve’s Place,’ and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, ‘Why the spoon?’
‘Well, ‘he explained, ‘the restaurant’s owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.’
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. ‘I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.’ I was impressed.I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, ‘Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?’
‘Oh, certainly!’ Then he lowered his voice. ‘Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull i t out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, ‘After you get it out, how do you put it back?’
‘Well,’ he whispered, ‘I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.
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