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Medical conditions or not…sex is still what makes babies…did she really want details? 😆 (yeah, I know that’s probably not how she meant it) 😆 Even so, it’s none of her business, supportive or not!
I agree with purplecat. Your Mom is odd, to say the least…. 😉
My 2¢…
Seriously, your Mom is the one that “owns” the problem, not you. As best you can, you’re going to have to stop letting her have an affect on you. As individuals, we are responsible for making ourselves happy. We can’t base our true happiness on others’ approval or disapproval. As others have said, if she can’t be happy for you, then it’s her loss. Keep telling yourself – “she has no power over me”.*hugs*
Purplecat I’m so glad you feel the same way. I was thinking OMG why would she want to know that? I thought I was odd for thinking that. I know I shouldn’t let her get to me but she raised me to pretty much fear what she thinks of me and its hard to let it go. I’m better then I used to be but I still have my moments. I keep telling my husband I’m going to get some lithium and slip it in her drink. Then maybe she will act normal 😆
I have a similar story to tell you, and maybe there will be something in it that can help you. I don’t know.
My friend Shawn married a woman who had cystic fibrosis, knowing that he may not have a lot of time with her. After they got married, they decided to have a child, and she got pregnant. Both families just about died (his parents and her parents). They knew that the pregnancy and birth would be so hard on her that they just might kill her, and that the baby may also have cystic fibrosis. All I heard from Shawn’s parents (who lived next door to my mom) was how irresponsible Shawn and his wife were to bring a child into the world under these conditions. If the wife died, Shawn would have to raise the baby himself, and Shawn was a flighty, irresponsible guy. Etc, etc.
She had the baby just fine, a little boy. The boy did not have cystic fibrosis. When the boy was about three, his mother passed away, and Shawn had to take care of him by himself. Shawn grew up. He learned to be a man and a good father. He had a little boy that would always remind him of the woman he loved and lost, so that she would always be with him. He never regretted it once. He is now remarried, and the boy is grown up, and can further the legacy of love his mother gave to him.
I hope this helps you, at least in your heart. Sometimes people think they know what is best for you, but they don’t. Only you know that.
Haha, I was also wondering why she wanted details of how you got pregnant. But then I thought maybe her mom didn’t explain it to her good enough. I would say don’t worry about it and maybe she will come around sometime. I just watched a movie called,”The Other Sisters” on TV. There was one daughter who had a speech problem and that daughter found another boy who had a worse condition. The daughter and the boy grew in love and the mother didn’t approve of it. The boy proposed to the daughter and she said yes. Needless to say the daughter planned her own wedding and invited her whole family and wanted her father to walk her down the isle. The mother refused to go to the wedding, but the rest of the family went. After they got married, the mom showed up as they were walking back down the isle. The mother and daughter embrased and everything is fine. I am hoping that your mother might be in shock at first, but then she will learn to except and embrase it.
purpledoggy wrote:Purplecat I’m so glad you feel the same way. I was thinking OMG why would she want to know that? I thought I was odd for thinking that. I know I shouldn’t let her get to me but she raised me to pretty much fear what she thinks of me and its hard to let it go. I’m better then I used to be but I still have my moments. I keep telling my husband I’m going to get some lithium and slip it in her drink. Then maybe she will act normal 😆
It’s awful that people are like that. Sad enough, I was raised pretty much the same except my mother was violent as well. I’ve not seen my mother in 5 1/2 years and I feel kinda awful admitting this but I still worry at times what she thinks of me (even though I’m knee-knocking terrified of her)…so I know the feeling. I felt embarrassed and awkward while I was pregnant with my son because my mother said it was the worst mistake I could make (she was happy for us when we lost our first child 😕 ). I put up with it through the pregnancy but after I had my son, I was really angry. Her attitude stayed the same and it infuriated me that she’d look at my child as a mistake. I was raised being told constantly that I was the worst mistake my mother ever made. One day i realized, “if she would hurt and insult me, her child, what’s to stop her from treating her grandchild differently?” I hope your mother’s different, maybe she will change her views once she’s looking at the miracle of her first grandchild…if not, she doesn’t deserve you or your family and you may be happier and less stressed without her around. I hope some of this helps, I know the first time I looked at my son everything else disappeared, it was one of the most memorable and happy moments of my life. 🙂
it blows my mind how your mother (and some other people’s parents) reacted. i cannot believe she is trying to barge her way into your personal life when she won’t even accept the things you tell her!
sending warm fuzzies your way. i am so glad the rest of your family reacted well. 😀
Oh Purplecat that is horrible. Maybe we are long lost sisters since your mother sounds alot like mine. She used to beat me too but she was so bad at it all I would do is laugh at her. I have a scar on my hand to remind me how angry she could get. My mother has tried to call me 3 times today but my husband won’t let me answer the phone. He talked to her once and she asked if I was upset with how she reacted. When he told her yes she hung up on him. He has spent all day trying to cheer me up but it hasn’t worked. I’m just going to have to get over the fact that she is a nut and I can’t do anything about it. Now maybe if my hatching emperor shows up tomorrow I will feel better 😆 Yeah thats what I need, a windstone shopping spree!
LOL my mom called my and asshole, when I told her, then said “now you will never be able to leave him” ( she hated the ex, LOL) to which I replied “yes I will” and hung up on her, and I did too. Mine did get over it and I really hope yours does too 😀 .
Yeek, purpledoggy, your mom is scary. I can’t imagine what logical reason she could have for wanting bedroom details (I mean, come on! How on earth is that anyone else’s business but yours and your husband’s?). But maybe that’s it: it is an illogical thing to ask of you, and it may mean that none of the bad things she’s said and done to you have any logical or even rational reasoning behind them. In other words, lamortefille is right: your mother has the problem, NOT YOU. I am very sorry for your mother, but I think I would cheerfully sit her down for some counseling . . . and not let her out of the room until she was willing to come to grips with why she’s been so awful.
You’ve indicated that even knowing ahead of time that your mom will say something hurtful, it still hurts you very much to hear her actually say it. Please, don’t think for a minute that this means she’s right, or that there’s anything wrong with you. I think that response is ingrained in everyone–I mean, what could possibly be scarier for a kid than to be rejected by their mom? But by the same token, a mom should not reject her child. Seriously, the instincts should block that kind of action: it’s a negative survival trait for the mother’s genetics. It is completely bizarre for a mother to be persistently hurtful to her child. Physical harm, emotional harm, it makes no difference. A mother should never attack her child.
Again, what I’m saying is that from everything I’m hearing, the problem is in your mother, and most certainly not you. If anything, you are a very strong person to have made a good marriage and life for yourself despite such a negative influence. You really are stronger than she. I wonder if perhaps she recognizes this–of course she wouldn’t like it, but that’s not the point. The point is that you are the stronger, and you’ve made it this far and made a good life for yourself. You are a good person, and it’s OK to have joy in your life. Don’t let her cast too much of a shadow on your happiness.
Wow! Where to begin!
First off, your mom has a lot of issues she has yet to deal with. Unfortunately, she is trying to make them your issues. As hard as it is, you need to be the adult in this (since your mom is not) and tell her where the line is. It sounds like she just crossed it. I would recommend not telling her any details she is asking for. It is not her business and it sounds like she will just use it against you later. Don’t let her take away your power and authority.
As a side note, when it comes to parents, I understand you can’t just turn-off the caring switch. Even if they have been bad to you. It’s just not that easy. My grandmother had treated my mom badly for most of her life. Mainly verbal abuse and ignored her. My mom on the other hand turned out to be the best mom in the world. She basically turned all the negatives around and learned what not to do from her own mother. She hasn’t come out of it scott-free unfortunately. She still has here moments and she still carries it with her, but it didn’t stop her from changing things for us kids.
I have no doubt that you will be a wonderful mom. If that means putting your mother in her place where she will never hurt you or your child (or children) in the future, then it is your choice to do so. Look at it this way, would you let your mom treat your kids the way she treated you? Now is your time to break free of that if you want to. There will be a heafty emotional price to pay and you will need an iron will, but the alternatives maybe worse. Think about it. My $2 worth.
I wish you the best of luck. 😀
purpledoggy wrote:Oh Purplecat that is horrible. Maybe we are long lost sisters since your mother sounds alot like mine. She used to beat me too but she was so bad at it all I would do is laugh at her. I have a scar on my hand to remind me how angry she could get. My mother has tried to call me 3 times today but my husband won’t let me answer the phone. He talked to her once and she asked if I was upset with how she reacted. When he told her yes she hung up on him. He has spent all day trying to cheer me up but it hasn’t worked. I’m just going to have to get over the fact that she is a nut and I can’t do anything about it. Now maybe if my hatching emperor shows up tomorrow I will feel better 😆 Yeah thats what I need, a windstone shopping spree!
You may be happier if you cut her off. Trust me, it’s hard (I’ve not seen mine in 5 1-2 years). I still sometimes wonder about her but what I’m missing is the prescence of a parent, which my mother never was. I thought being a grandparent and meeting her first grandchild would change her attitude. Sadly, I was wrong. She nearly hurt my son when he was 1 month old and I left the incident with a dislocated jaw and a concussion. As a kid she broke a few of my teeth so I understand about reminders. I’d let your hubby give her an earful, he’s probably itching to anyway. My mother no longer has claws in my life and doesn’t even know how many kids I have and my life is peaceful and i have a lot less stress. I never have to worry about someone hurting me or my kids, or telling them they were a mistake. As long as I breathe my children will know they are the most precious things that have ever happened to me, and no one will ever tell them different. It lifts a weight knowing that. Let us know how things go.
Thanks for all the kind words and advice. I feel better today (mostly because I finally got some sleep). My mom was trying to call me all day yesterday but I wouldn’t answer the phone. I know she will try again today and I don’t know if I will answer it or not. I know I should cut her off for awhile but that means I wouldn’t get to talk to my father. That and she likes to spin things so she is the victim and will turn the rest of the family against me. Shes done it before and she will do it again. When I first got married I didn’t talk to her in over a year and she made sure to let everyone know what a horrible person I was. She has twisted my words to get my father against me since she knows I’m alot closer to him. She hates the fact that I get along better with my father then her. She always makes it a point to mention that I love him more than her. I’ve tried talking to my father about the way she acts and all he says is “she’s your only mother and you will miss her when she is gone”. He knows she has a mental problem but doesn’t do anything about it. Now my childhood really wasn’t bad except for the constant mental abuse. She would take me to horse shows and things like that but would always hold it over my head. Nothing was ever just for fun and always came at a price. She hates my husband and has been telling me to get a divorce the entire 8 years we have been married. When he became very ill and we thought he would die she begged me to divorce him so I wouldn’t be sunk in medical debt. When I asked her if dad were in the same situation would she do that she said yes. I don’t know I was really distraught when I wrote this but I’m much better now. I’m just going to have to suck it up and stand up to her even if that means she will paint me to be an evil wicked person. We have so much support from so many people that right now I don’t care what she does. Sorry for coming on here and ranting but you guys are my friends and I needed some support to fall back on. I still think I’m going to go on a windstone shopping spree to cheer me up 😉
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