I am livid

[Katherine]

With 3 adults, three dogs, and one baby in an 1100 sq. ft home-I am the ONLY one who cleans! Okay-that is something I can manage, right? Wrong. I get criticized and I people (the two I live with) get mad at me because I clean all the time. It’s not the kind of cleaning where I am scrubbing things down and neglecting everybody-it’s the kind where one minute the kitchen is clean, but someone goes through it to make something, and then it is a pit again so I go through it and clean again. I tell those who make the mess “clean up after yourself” and “put things back where you found them” etc. I am really nice about it too, but I still have to clean up after everybody.
Today, my hubby asked me what was wrong, and I just said, “things are dirty so I am cleaning,” and he got pissed. I tried explaining myself and saying how my feelings get hurt when not only to they not clean up after themselves, but then they get mad at me when I do so. I said that I am the ONLY one cleaning, and so who else will do it? His response was “Well, we don’t feel like cleaning at that moment.”
Grrr…Well HECK! It’s not like I feel like cleaning every hour on the hour because the pigs I live with can’t pick up after themselves, but I do it!
What ticks me off the most is that they get mad at me for cleaning.
Hello—-instead of brooding about whay I clean all the time-why don’t you HELP ME!!!
I am not understood in my household at all. They want to argue with me about it–JUST PICK UP YOUR LAZY ASS-GET OFF THE COMPUTER-QUIT PLAYING YOUR VIDEO GAME AND CLEAN DAMN IT!!!
😡
*pant*

[Katherine]

[BDW]

Oh boy, men are so lazy….don’t feel like cleaning at the moment? Make that never! 😡
I’m sorry hon that they are bruts to you. You don’t deserve it. They probable get mad at you since you make them feel guilty when you clean after them.
I understand how you feel going through it every day.
What they need to do is pick up good habit of as soon as they are done the sandwitch just put the mayo and other stuff away and wipe that counter BEFORE they take that first bite out of the sandwitch and sit their but on the couch. If they do the oposite….they’ll never get their but of that couch.
If they cook something rise the pot and wipe down the stove top again before they eat.
I do it and the food isn’t cold plus we all know how we don’t feel like cleaning up after a meal.

But men are wired differently…hard to change their habit. 🙁

My BF gets mad when I clean in front of him and he told me once that it’s because it makes him feel like shit and he would have to get up and do it himself…but he never does.
Last week after I had just passed the vaccum he came home while I was putting away the vaccum (so he knew) and took of his shoes full of dirt at the door…I was surprise since usualy he doesn’t. But then he put them back on to go outside only to get back to the kitchen and start making himself a cofee. I was livid….in a nice way I asked him way he had put his shoes on, and he answered that well he was going back outside but at the door decided to make himself a cofee before. So again I asked him why he hadn’t taken of his shoes…He point blank told me: “I didn’t feel like it!”
👿 I almost lost it there!
So like I said LAZYNESS!!!! PLAIN AND SIMPLE!
I totaly understand your frustration.
And I’m sure alot of us go through that every day…..men! :spank:
Sorry for the highjack

[purpledragonclaw]

My parents ingrained into me when I was a kid to clean up after myself because one day, there won’t BE anyone to clean up after me. And BDW, I know how you feel about cleaning up after a meal; I’ve made it a point to clean up first so I can relax afterwards.

Eaglefeather, may I recommend not cleaning up behind them? They won’t break their habits because in their minds, you’re always there to clean up after them. Stop putting food away, condiments away, cleaning the counters, dishes, etc., except your own. If you run out of clean utensils, can you use paper and plastic? If they ask you why you stopped cleaning, you can tell them, “No one else is, so I figured why should I?” Just keep the things you need clean, if you can.

What a disgusting situation. I hope you can break them of their pigsty habits.

[BDW]

purpledragonclaw wrote:

Eaglefeather, may I recommend not cleaning up behind them? They won’t break their habits because in their minds, you’re always there to clean up after them. Stop putting food away, condiments away, cleaning the counters, dishes, etc., except your own. If you run out of clean utensils, can you use paper and plastic? If they ask you why you stopped cleaning, you can tell them, “No one else is, so I figured why should I?” Just keep the things you need clean, if you can.

😆 That is what I do.
I will clean my stuff before he gets home (if he comes home at all from work)…all the things he left out from his night of eating, I leave there.
He then cleans it when it gets bad but at the same time yells at me for not doing it. I remind him that he messed it up and he still blows up at me, said I should have done it at the same time as my stuff. 😡 Grrrr…
I mean the dishwasher is right there so is the trash…how hard can it be for him to do it?
😕 I don’t know their temperment eaglefeather but be careful…
Good luck 🙂

[Setsunawolf]

I am a bit of a slob. But by myself I can usually mange to keep things put away. But if someone disrupts my system then I can’t function. I had that discussion w/ my roommate the other day. She told me she’d wash my laundry if i would just put it away. But my brain doesn’t work like that. I wash, dry then fold and only do as many loads as I can finish other wise it gets too big and I just can’t do it. She got really mad at me because I wasn’t helping…but I have to have the system or I really can’t do it. A little OCD…maybe 😳 . Of course I’ll clean the kitchen, she’ll cook and you can’t tell I had everything clean and put away when she’s done. 😀

Looking for Blue Fawn Baby Kirin
Sanguine Oriental Test Paints, kinglet
Sun Dragon Koi #3

[Megan]

That’s lousey, eaglefeather 🙁 Everyone is right, if you always clean up after them they will think it’s alright to keep making the messes. It may be hard for you to put up with their slobbery, but you could try it for a while. Clean up after yourself and ignore the messes the others make. If they never do clean and eventually have the nerve to complain about it being dirty, remind them that they complained when you cleaned and ask them what they would like you to do.

I know it’s frustrating… I used to do the same thing, constantly picking up after two teenage brothers and a step-dad who are all lazy as sin. Finally I got sick of it, and to this day I clean up after numero uno only (despite certain men in the house who make it clear they think I’m the lazy, selfish one for not making sure the house is always spotless 😡 ). I’ll dust, or run the sweeper, normal maintenance chores, but specific messes made by others I won’t touch with a ten foot pole. Eventually it does get easier to ignore — both the messes and the people constantly making them.

[Duld]

I agree with that, I should try this myself (but lazy is my middle name, so that would mean that I would have to do some cleaning 😳 , but thenagain that would be progress)

[Anonymous]

I’ve had this discussion many times.

I don’t clean. But yes, I can take my dishes back to the kitchen at least.

I will clean my own things, like computer parts, paperwork, stuff I scatter around… but I don’t ‘clean’ in the sense of dusting, clothes, dishes, etc.

I do however, do all household repairs, vehicle repairs, computer repairs, all finances, budgeting and checkbooks, carry all heavy objects, I do go grocery shopping, run errands, take care of anything else that is required.

So we think it’s fair, usually.

[Setsunawolf]

Snapdragon wrote:

So we think it’s fair, usually.

We as you and your partner? or you as in men?
I’m a little curious? If it works for you and the person you live with then all is good. 8)

Looking for Blue Fawn Baby Kirin
Sanguine Oriental Test Paints, kinglet
Sun Dragon Koi #3

[BDW]

Snapdragon wrote:

I’ve had this discussion many times.

I don’t clean. But yes, I can take my dishes back to the kitchen at least.

I will clean my own things, like computer parts, paperwork, stuff I scatter around… but I don’t ‘clean’ in the sense of dusting, clothes, dishes, etc.

I do however, do all household repairs, vehicle repairs, computer repairs, all finances, budgeting and checkbooks, carry all heavy objects, I do go grocery shopping, run errands, take care of anything else that is required.

So we think it’s fair, usually.
Yes well my absent man doesn’t do any of the above….not because he doesn’t have the skills but because he doesn’t FEEL like it.
I’m the one that does the landscaping (and pays for it)….cut the grass shovel, fix stuff in the house if I have the skills.
Does the groceries and pays for all of them as of Jan. My budgeting…etc…Don’t know what he does whit his money.
Pay the phone bill, etc…and the regular chores that men think are for women to do.
If I want him to do something I have to wait like years most of the time.( no exaduration here)

Not all men are like you Snap. 😉

[purpledragonclaw]

Blackdesertwind, what does your boyfriend DO?

[Skigod377]

Uh, BDW, my husband is a man and is more of a neat freak than anyone I know, so its not the gender and he certainly is not lazy… though he may be in the minority. 🙂

I feel your pain. My mom doesnt clean up afer herself and it drives me nuts. She will leave wadded up tissue (with blood spots on it) on the couch along with old newspapers and banana peels and she hoards EVERYTHING!! Im sorry your man doesnt help. He probably gets a little mad beacuse you make him feel like he doesnt help… and maybe the truth hurts.

[BDW]

purpledragonclaw wrote:

Blackdesertwind, what does your boyfriend DO?

LOL…not much I can tell you.
spends all his free time driking with his buddies away for home…living a bachelor’s life.

skigod377 wrote:

Uh, BDW, my husband is a man and is more of a neat freak than anyone I know, so its not the gender and he certainly is not lazy… though he may be in the minority. 🙂

I’m not saying they are all the same…Got male friends that are not like that at all.
But most of them are, from what I have heard and lived.

[Katherine]

skigod377 wrote:

I feel your pain. My mom doesnt clean up afer herself and it drives me nuts. She will leave wadded up tissue (with blood spots on it) on the couch along with old newspapers and banana peels and she hoards EVERYTHING!! Im sorry your man doesnt help. He probably gets a little mad beacuse you make him feel like he doesn’t help… and maybe the truth hurts.

Oh icky! :puke:
I will try to do what you guys have suggested, and I will only clean enough to keep things out of reach of Chloe. I talked to KC (unfortunately it takes him a long time to talk-in the mean time he drags me through a guilt trip) but he finally admitted that sometimes he doesn’t pick things up and leaves things scattered around and that he would try to pick up his trash (he seemed sincere about this). Unfortunately, the other person I live with (my sis) had bipolar and it is like walking on ice with her emotions. What I hate the most is that I have to place a nice sweet smile and sweet voice on when asking her to do stuff when I really want to say is “Do you plan on staying on that darn computer for the rest of your life-or are you going to actually be somewhat productive in my house?” I am lucky if she even gets up from the couch when I ask her to do something.
When talking to KC, I asked him if it was too much to ask to have everyone clean up after their own mess. He said it wasn’t, but since it isn’t “important to them, then why worry about it?” Well-if it is important to me and you love me and want to make me happy, then why don’t you spend the extra two minutes to pick up a few things after you misplace them? DUH
I live by the “treat others the way you want to be treated,” and I know for a fact that if someone makes it known to me that I am contributing to their frustration by doing certain things, then I will change my ways because I know that it mattered to them and caused them less stress. It’s just courtesy. So when KC said to me that cleaning didn’t matter because they didn’t think it mattered, then he didn’t have to do anything about it-while I got flustered in the meantime. If it matter’s to me-why doesn’t he care? I try to help him with things-why can’t he help me?
But I will try to ignore the mess. Should I even point it out even though I won’t clean it? :shrug:

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