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dragonessjade wrote:
That is good advise. I have never heard of a doula.
Labor/birth support doulas are trained and experienced labor support persons who attend to the emotional and physical comfort needs of laboring women to smooth the labor process. They do not perform clinical tasks such as heart rate checks, or vaginal exams but rather use massage, aromatherapy, reflexology, positioning suggestions, etc., to help labor progress as well as possible. A labor/birth support doula joins a laboring woman either at her home or in hospital or birth center and remains with her until a few hours after the birth. Some doulas also offer several prenatal visits, phone support, and one postpartum meeting to ensure the mother is well informed and supported. The terms of a labor/birth doula’s responsibilities are decided between the doula and the family. In addition to emotional, physical and informational support, doulas work as advocates of their client’s wishes and may assist in communicating with medical staff to obtain information for the client to make informed decisions regarding medical procedures.
This was the best description I could find explaining what a doula does. Hope that helps.
Kyrin
I don’t know about you, but during my labor, I didn’t want to see anybody but my husband. I’m not sure how things work in hospitals in the US, but here, if I had wanted, I could have asked for the staff not to let anyone in but doctors and nurses.
It easy for me to say, ’cause she’s not my mom, but I would avoid getting in contact with her period! Didn’t she object to your pregnancy in the first place? Why would she want to see the birth, then?
I’m a bit fuzzy on how she could turn the rest of your family against you. Do they not know her personality? Can you talk about this with another member of your family?
Kirin’s idea is also great – I had never heard of them either.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmEverybody has great suggestions. I suggest not even calling your Mom until after you give birth. 😉 You really should get with your Dr. on this issue…giving birth is stressful enough. I’m sure the medical staff doesn’t want anything/anyone disruptive during your labor, either.
Kyrin wrote:dragonessjade wrote:That is good advise. I have never heard of a doula.
Labor/birth support doulas are trained and experienced labor support persons who attend to the emotional and physical comfort needs of laboring women to smooth the labor process. They do not perform clinical tasks such as heart rate checks, or vaginal exams but rather use massage, aromatherapy, reflexology, positioning suggestions, etc., to help labor progress as well as possible. A labor/birth support doula joins a laboring woman either at her home or in hospital or birth center and remains with her until a few hours after the birth. Some doulas also offer several prenatal visits, phone support, and one postpartum meeting to ensure the mother is well informed and supported. The terms of a labor/birth doula’s responsibilities are decided between the doula and the family. In addition to emotional, physical and informational support, doulas work as advocates of their client’s wishes and may assist in communicating with medical staff to obtain information for the client to make informed decisions regarding medical procedures.
This was the best description I could find explaining what a doula does. Hope that helps.
Kyrin
Wow, that sounds really cool. Yes, it does help.Wow I’ve never heard of a doula I’m gonna check that out. The next time I go to my ob I’m going to talk with her about the whole mom issue (along with my stress levels). She used to work with my mom at the hospital so she knows how she is. I think I may just make it so only hubby can come see me until after the baby is born. I hate all of his side of the family (none of them have been there for him when he is sick so I don’t want them there for me either). All of the women on my mothers side of the family act just like her so that is how she ends up turning people against me. She also lies about me to them to make herself look good. Yeah my mom was not happy about me being pregnant but now she acts like she is and is always leaving me messages wanting to know how I feel blah blah blah. I honestly wish she would just leave me alone. I don’t like talking to her because it always leads to nagging or yelling at me and just drives me up a wall.
There’s no way I would’ve wanted my mother or my mother-in-law in the room when I was in labor. Fortunately, neither one of them even suggested such a thing. Your mother’s going to be upset about something no matter what you do, so I just wouldn’t let her know when you go into labor. My two cents…
Wow, I know you don’t want her there, and she doesn’t have to be. Before she tells your family that you are a heartless *****, I think it might be a good idea for you to maybe tell your family that you don’t want her in there not because you are being mean, but because she spikes up your stress levels. They should hopefully understand, but if you think they won’t understand, then You should maybe just say that you want no one there except your hubby (if that is what you want!) If your mother is like this to you, I can assume that she is like that to more than one person of your family, and hopefully they will be on your side. I hope it all goes well!
Could you get your doctor to say that no one is allowed in the delivery room and that is HIS/HER (the doctor) rule? That way mom won’t be saying that your hubby might not be there because of his surgery. No one but hubby needs to know that he’ll be allowed in.
As added back up, is there anyone you know that you trust, that you could have wait with your mom in the waiting room and keep her corralled in the waiting room so she doesn’t sneak into the delivery room? 🙂
Your mom sounds kinda like my mom. She doesn’t ‘hear’ what you are saying. You have to work around her to make things happen the way you want them. But as someone else said, this your baby and the birth should happen the way you want it to happen.
You’ve gotten a lot of sound advice there. I hope all goes well and your mother is far away when you deliver.
Kyrin, thanks for explaining what a doula is.When all’s said and sifted, it’s your and your husband’s baby, it’s your labor, and it’s your call. Definitely enlist the support of your doctor, and I think a doula sounds like a great idea too. It’s up to you whether you even want your mom in the waiting room (if her influence is that bad, maybe even having her in the building is too close!), but if you have a support crew that is fully aware of the magnitude of the problem and able to work together, then they should be able to keep her out of your face during labor. It’s important that you not have a major stressor in the room when you’re trying to have your baby.
(I have visions of you picking up an IV stand and chasing her from the room. Better if somebody else picks up the IV stand for you–heavy lifting isn’t good for ladies who are expecting, remember? ;))
Hey I just of a idea. How would your mom know if you were in labor? Just don’t call her until after the baby is born and you had a chance to recover. When you are ready then you can call her and tell her.
dragonessjade wrote:Hey I just of a idea. How would your mom know if you were in labor? Just don’t call her until after the baby is born and you had a chance to recover. When you are ready then you can call her and tell her.
Escellent Dragoness!!! I know folks who have done this very thing. Its very easy to explain, too. Just say you were not thinking at the time and in a panic, or that it went too quickly. There are soo many excuses to come up with if you want to go this route. I am sure we have enough devious minds on here to come up with an acceptable excuse for you 😉
skigod377 wrote:dragonessjade wrote:Hey I just of a idea. How would your mom know if you were in labor? Just don’t call her until after the baby is born and you had a chance to recover. When you are ready then you can call her and tell her.
Escellent Dragoness!!! I know folks who have done this very thing. Its very easy to explain, too. Just say you were not thinking at the time and in a panic, or that it went too quickly. There are soo many excuses to come up with if you want to go this route. I am sure we have enough devious minds on here to come up with an acceptable excuse for you 😉
Haha, I like the excuse part. Yep, I bet we could come up with a excuse. 😈 😆
goiod gods she sounds like my mother..the one person i REALLY hate being around because she is so snyde, sarcastic and non supportive..hell when i moved ibn with my roommates she thought they where going to sell me into being a sex slave..can we say psycho?..so yeah you can either tell her straight out how you feel and why you dont want her there..or make a snazzy excuse i personally have done both and they both work on such parrents
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