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My mom has never been diagnosed with a mental disorder but I know if she ever sought treatment they would find one. All my life she has been like this to me but as she gets older it seems to get worse. Growing up she used to hit me, swear at me, and tell me how horrible I was and that I ruined her life. Then again she would turn around and say how proud she was of me (usually when I did something great like win an award or was recognized for my artwork). I’ve grown used to the way she acts to a point. I’ve always thought this was the way parents were supposed to act towards children so I didn’t see anything wrong with it until I got older. Now I realize that its not right which is why I get such a short fuse with my mom. Everything I said in my blog I had already said to my mom face to face but she never gets feedback from anyone about her actions. Thats why I find it so funny she did read my blog and saw the reactions of other people and that infact her garage idea was a bad one. I really do think in her head she doesn’t see anything wrong with what she does but maybe after reading those comments it will open her eyes a bit. I know its a long shot but at least its out there now.
At the very, very least, she sounds as though she could have a Borderline Personality Disorder, if not BiPolar. No chance of ever getting her in for a consult, huh? Doubtful unless she turns dangerous and can be Baker Acted.
Hopefully you can truly rise above this and not let it settle (suppressed) into your unconscious. It is excellent that you keep a blog, or journal or talk to us here as a means of getting anything inside of you, out. Validation will help you cope better with all your epiphanies.
Im so sorry youre dealing with this and for so long. If you ever need someone to talk to that will never judge you, Im here… and I dont charge by the hour!
HUGS and stay strong! XOXOX
Jeez, what was your mom doing nosing around your Myspace page anyway? It almost seems like she was looking for something. Well, she found something all right, and she didn’t like it, and I can’t say I’m sorry for her, not one bit. She’s been awful to you; did she honestly think that you wouldn’t vent about it to friends? 😯 And now she knows that, oh horror and amazement, a lot of people don’t agree with what she tried to do to you. If she tries to turn this into a big stink confrontation, don’t engage! Keep your cool. Avoid communications from her if you have to. She may try to hold this over your head, but the truth of the matter is that you did nothing wrong. Her reading the page was tantamount to somebody eavesdropping on a conversation, and hearing something they didn’t like. She shouldn’t have nosed about.
Here-here Barrdwing! Kudos.
On the same wave length, how interesting would it be if you happened to have this thread or one like it, in cache or even open but minimized. It would serve her right for reading it and hearing the truth as some outstanding suggestions have been given you here. At the very least she will see that you have support of friends (most of whom you dont know in person that STILL care about & support you). That youre truly loved by a community here. If shes as nosy as she seems to have gone into your blog which still shocks me, perhaps you can print out this thread and casually leave it in your office or location she may be able to snag it (hey mom, did you take the bait? Must have if you’re reading! Your daughter is an upstanding & loved person and truly a gem for which you should be incredibly thankful considering how she could have turned out nowadays. Count your blessings mom. She should be #1)!
And it isnt all about mom bashing. Theres been helpful suggestions about healthy borders and boundaries to be set which professionals will tell you do to. Some even have you create a contract and have both you and your mom sign it. If you want more info about Psych contracts between parents and adult children, please PM me. It will take consistency and strength on your part; major dedication to adhere to the rules you also set for yourself in said contract such as “if you breach this part of the contract, my reaction will to calmly remove myself from the situation which may include getting up and leaving your house or car, or politely yet firmly asking her to leave your home- citing she is in breach of contract.” There is a great success rate with this. At the very least, it shows your mom that the things she does and says to you now and in the past (but we’ll focus on now since thats what you have control over), are negatively affecting you and your relationship. Think of some very direct questions youd be willing to put in print and maybe it will begin ever so slightly to open her eyes, even if in a wince. Have to start somewhere.
If you keep up the contract and adhere to your own rules and make her follow the contract boundary rules, over time (depending on true mental/emotional functionality of mom- as we know she will shoot this idea down immediately because of feeling threatened), it will begin to ease because she will see you mean business. Lets just see how willing she truly is to have her daughter cut out of her life for why else would you propose this, among other things if the contract is overly violated.
You have your new baby to think about and you dont want her around an iron fist. As she gets older and if your mom remains as she is now, she may well talk behind your back and undermine you as an authority figure in your child’s life which will fill that poor kid with conflicting emotions and questions that she doesnt deserve to bare at such a raw and tender age. Then if under such persuasion, she may act out towards you which is a whole other can of worms to scoop up and dispose of.
Sorry for all the advice, but I wasnt always a Graphic Designer & photographer. Mom AND you are at fault here. You, in that you have to take pro-action to protect your mental / emotional well being, and that of your child & husband as well. Could you be prepared to cut your mother out of your life completely (100% OUT; no calls, no visits, no openeing any emails or letters [return them] if she continues to dig this hole down the line)? For some it might be easy but for others it may trigger anxiety & feelings of guilt despite how in the right the victim (you) is.
My final statement will be that this life is YOURS and as many say (though I dont believe 🙂 ), youve only one life to live. Make it the best you can. Cut out the BS- youve already recognized it as a source of stress and if it wont compromise or work with you, cut it out like cancer and watch every aspect of your life suddenly turn brighter- truly.
OK- enough of my book. Im here is you need me for mind picking or ideas. You will find youll get the utmost respect from me, honesty even if it’s not what you want to here, and non-judgment.
Hang in there baby!
PhoenixTears wrote:At the very, very least, she sounds as though she could have a Borderline Personality Disorder, if not BiPolar.
Did I hear my name mentioned? my ears are burning…Oh god they really are!!!! *runs around screaming and then dunks head in toilet* That was really quite refreshing.
Sorry things just got do serious that I had to offer up some comic relief.
As one that suffers from Bipolar disorder I can see what PT is saying. When I was going through my worst episodes I would get really frustrated and angry for no reason. That in no way excuses physical abuse. But I think tis goes beyond a disease it sounds to me like she’s used to getting her way no matter what and if she doesn’t get her way making herself the victim.
I saw a commercial for “Dr Phil” (I loathe him) that reminded me of your situation. In the case the soon to be daughter-in-law would not allow the mother-in-law to her wedding. As soon as I heard her mother in law I knew why. She could not face her own problems for one second, I have an aunt that’s this way. She actively tried to ruin my uncle’s relationship with his wife, she stalked him, and all kinds of other things. But whenever you talked to her it was about how horrible you were treating her and that you weren’t being this and that. She twisted every word said to her to be hateful and then she tried to spread lies and half truths to all other relatives and friends.
We had to just cut her out of our life.
I would help but I am just to tired to get out of bed today~
Engaged to a WeaselBiPolarBear wrote:PhoenixTears wrote:At the very, very least, she sounds as though she could have a Borderline Personality Disorder, if not BiPolar.
Did I hear my name mentioned? my ears are burning…Oh god they really are!!!! *runs around screaming and then dunks head in toilet* That was really quite refreshing.
Sorry things just got do serious that I had to offer up some comic relief.
As one that suffers from Bipolar disorder I can see what PT is saying. When I was going through my worst episodes I would get really frustrated and angry for no reason. That in no way excuses physical abuse. But I think tis goes beyond a disease it sounds to me like she’s used to getting her way no matter what and if she doesn’t get her way making herself the victim.
I saw a commercial for “Dr Phil” (I loathe him) that reminded me of your situation. In the case the soon to be daughter-in-law would not allow the mother-in-law to her wedding. As soon as I heard her mother in law I knew why. She could not face her own problems for one second, I have an aunt that’s this way. She actively tried to ruin my uncle’s relationship with his wife, she stalked him, and all kinds of other things. But whenever you talked to her it was about how horrible you were treating her and that you weren’t being this and that. She twisted every word said to her to be hateful and then she tried to spread lies and half truths to all other relatives and friends.
We had to just cut her out of our life.
😆 😆 😆 Thanks for the comic relief!
My mother was abusive, self victimizing and mean, it’s just who she was. She was also regularly abusive, and once when social services forced her into counseling they found nothing wrong with her but her attitude. As you well know, we had to cut her out of our lives. My husband has been dealing with Bipolar Disorder for the past 10 years and has never struck me or any of our children. It’s a matter of choice. When he’s reaching critical mass he leaves and takes a walk. There’s always the choice to walk away rather than strike out.
Not to hijack this thread…
When I finally stood up to my mother and told her that her phone calls every week (sometimes more than one) were stressing me out, she kept saying “No there not, I’m not stressing you out”. She totally refused to believe me until my bf got on the phone and told her that everytime she called me, I ended up crying or having a panic attack after.
Luckily (or unlucky for him), my brother and wife now have two kids so it took a lot of pressure off of me. She can now call and nag him. 😈
Jasmine wrote:Luckily (or unlucky for him), my brother and wife now have two kids so it took a lot of pressure off of me. She can now call and nag him. 😈
You’re wife is your brother? That must have been awkward… 😈
I would help but I am just to tired to get out of bed today~
Engaged to a WeaselPerfect by Alanis Morrissette lyrics
Sometimes is never quite enough
If you’re flawless, then you’ll win my love
Don’t forget to win first place
Don’t forget to keep that smile on your faceBe a good boy
Try a little harder
You’ve got to measure up
And make me prouderHow long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quietBe a good girl
You’ve gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn’t good enough
To make us proudI’ll live through you
I’ll make you what I never was
If you’re the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I’m doing this for your own damn good
You’ll make up for what I blew
What’s the problem…why are you cryingBe a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn’t fast enough
To make us happy
We’ll love you just the way you are
If you’re perfectOkay, for those of you who’ve heard this song, doesn’t it sound a bit like Purpledoggy’s parents, her Mom most specifically?
Anyway, their whole relationship reminds of this song. This song always makes me sad.
I agree with everyone else, I think at this point, either a contract or her out of your life are the best decision you can make for your family as a whole, Purpledoggy. And stick to your guns, should you decide to cut her out of your life.
Kyrin
BiPolarBear wrote:Jasmine wrote:Luckily (or unlucky for him), my brother and wife now have two kids so it took a lot of pressure off of me. She can now call and nag him. 😈
You’re wife is your brother? That must have been awkward… 😈
Ha Ha, I have laughed. I forgot “his” wife… 😛
Jasmine wrote:BiPolarBear wrote:Jasmine wrote:Luckily (or unlucky for him), my brother and wife now have two kids so it took a lot of pressure off of me. She can now call and nag him. 😈
You’re wife is your brother? That must have been awkward… 😈
Ha Ha, I have laughed. I forgot “his” wife… 😛
I kid cause I looove.
I would help but I am just to tired to get out of bed today~
Engaged to a Weasel
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