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So on Tuesday, my son got suspended for one day for fighting, and getting too physical playing tag. I had to go in and have a special meeting with his principal yesterday to get her to let him come back. So today, he gets driven home by the sub principal, and suspended again, why? For fighting, this time he had the other kid pinned to the ground and was beating him up.
So now he misses the field trip scheduled for tomorrow.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so disappointed and just at a loss.
Kyrin
Hug! I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t have children but can only imagine how frustrating something like that must be.
I don’t have kids either, but I sympathize. My older brother was troublesome, too. I’m sorry, Kyrin.
Thing is, he is only in 1st grade, isn’t even 7 yet, and this is not the first suspension he’s had this year, much less two in one week!
I’m about ready to home school him, at least he won’t have all these problems with fighting with other kids if he isn’t with them. But then, how will I teach him to work with others if he doesn’t stay in school?
But I know the principal way too well at this point, I see her at least once a month sometimes more. I don’t really want to be having to do that all the time. Other problems is he is in speech, if he’s home schooled, he’ll lose that help.
Kyrin
Kirin, he needs to funnel his aggressiveness. We had to do it with our daughter, and we opted for karate. I don’t think just any sport will do, he probably needs controlled contact and martial arts are probably the best thing.
It worked for us, and now 5 years later, she’s fine. She wants to do more girly stuff, so she dances 😀
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmdragonmedley wrote:Kirin, he needs to funnel his aggressiveness. We had to do it with our daughter, and we opted for karate. I don’t think just any sport will do, he probably needs controlled contact and martial arts are probably the best thing.
It worked for us, and now 5 years later, she’s fine. She wants to do more girly stuff, so she dances 😀
We considered that, but I am worried that he will use what he learns at school, his self control is part of the problem. What did your daughter do, was that a problem?
Kyrin
Kyrin, I used to take karate and it really depends on the sensei. My sensei was GREAT with the kids – and he was very clear that if he got a report of any kid using karate inappropriately there would be repercussions. He had the parents talk to the teachers and the principals and made sure the kids knew that he would check up on them. Surprisingly, I don’t remember any cases of kids abusing their skills. (actually there was a case of a teenage girl walking home at night and a guy jumped her. She completely whaled on him – left him with a broken nose and his family jewels somewhere in the vicinity of his neck. Then she ran home and called the cops. Turned out there was a warrent for the guy’s arrest -for rape. 😯 He was evidently still lying there curled in a fetal ball. The story goes that the cops couldn’t stop grinning – she was only 15 and not very big!)
So if you find a good sensei it could work out great for him. I know all the parents said karate made a positive difference in their kids’ lives.
By the way, has he ever been tested for allergies? Believe it or not allergies in kids can manifest as aggressive or hyperactive behavior.
Part of martial arts is the discipline. Using anything learned there for any purpose other than defence outside the class and you’re out of the karate school. They drill it in, trust me. Now that she’s older, she understands.
When she was 5, she hit a schoolmate with a wooden block (it was the poor little guy’s first day at school, too). She had always been on the aggressive side; she tall and strong for her age, then and now, and was used to horsing around with her dad, so always giving her all out. Didn’t work so well with kids her age. So she started the karate, then the tournaments. It gave her focus and pride at winning sometimes (well, pretty much everytime, as there are few girls competing).
Now that she’s almost 10, she understands the consequences of getting physical, whereas she couldn’t at an earlier age. Because of the speech problem, your son might also have intense frustration at not being able to express himself, and it comes out with hitting. A friend of mine has similar problems with her son with speech impairment: he just bursts out in screams when he can’t say what he means/what’s wrong – he’s 6. Spending time with the speech therapist, as well as extreme patience on her end getting him to say what it is he’s trying to say has helped a lot. He never hit others, though, only the floor 🙂
All this to say, you should talk with the sensei and explain the problem. I think the martial arts discipline can help him control himself.
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI talked it over with my husband and he agrees that martial arts training may help quite a bit, so we’re going to look into it.
He is doing very well in speech, in fact his therapist says he won’t need to see her anymore after December, he is doing so well. So I don’t think he is having trouble communicating so much as he was earlier in the year.
We are thinking he may be one of two things, ADHD, or possibly high functioning autistic, he’s brilliant, whips through math easily, was reading early, etc…but socially he’s really way behind. Gets pushy when crowded, and aggressive if the other kids don’t back off, and they tend not to understand the pushing thing and they are bad about bunching up making Alex feel closed in.
We’ve been testing the ADHD in school for the last few weeks, but I asked about the autism yesterday, and will be meeting with the school psych to see if we could test for that as well. Either way I want to cover all possibilities. It would not be a good thing to jump to the conclusion he is ADHD and then find out later that it is something else.
Anyway, it’ll all work out, I am just really frustrated. He had a great day on Monday, and then Tuesday was awful, then he went back today and I really thought it would be a good day, and then I get off work and find out he was suspended AGAIN!
Kyrin
So have you managed to get someone to talk to him about why he’s fighting? And just because he’s progressing in his Speech, doesn’t mean that the kids who’ve gone to school with him will ever let go of that bone. They wont remember why they call him those names in grade 12, but they still will use ’em. And since they may already have started pushing his buttons, they’ll know how, and then use every time he’s lashed out at them as more fuel. Not saying that you are not doing absolutely everything that you can, but sometimes the answer is really that simple. And if they try and tell you that kids that young don’t know how to be that mean, I can personally tell you that more than 20 years ago they damned well could be, and they say that kids are doing everything else earlier and earlier these day’s, including Puberty.
But definitely try the Karate, and also remember that some kids are just not ready for school and it’s interpersonal interactions until a later age. that used to be what Kindergarten and Grade one was about, learning interpersonal skills. 😡
My best friend is having some similar problems with her son, though on a lesser scale. BUT, his teachers thought he was ADHD or ADD or whatever, and she cut certain things out of his diet and it made a HUGE difference. Namely, cut out anything with Red 40 (which is actually banned in many European countries and has been for years) and sodium benzoate. (Eek… I think…. but definitely the red 40 which is in so many different products.)
Worth a shot, at any rate.
Hope it all works out quickly and happily.
*hugs*Do you think maybe the other kids are picking on him? I know in elementary school I was *really* picked on- kids can be really cruel and for stupid things- I was picked on for having long hair even!! I would come home crying almost every day and spend a ton of time in the guidance counseler’s office. But I’m asking because I know other kids who were picked on and turned into being bullies because that was just their way of dealing with it. I really hope that’s not the case because unfortunately there’s not a whole lot you can do about being picked on other than not let them get a rise out of you 🙁
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