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I hope you guys don’t mind my asking this favor of you, namely to read these 15 pages.
After seeing Eragon and being thoroughly disgusted with its lack of imagination, I decided I really could do better. I mentioned it to Star and DD and promised I’d post it for critique, so here it is.
The style is no Tolkien or Paolini’s copy of Tolkien. I can’t match JRRT no matter how hard I’d try, so I opted for a different writing style, a little more modern, a little more me. Mom edited what I’ve got so far and liked it. Stef, my fantasy-loving brother, read it and said it was different from any fantasy book he’s ever read. He likes it and wants to read more. I don’t know if it’ll be just as appealing to older readers; if not I’ll just write it for me and Stef. But you guys can see any merit in it, I might look into getting it and the Dragon Breeds book that goes with it published.
So if you could take the time to read the pages and give me a critique and some comparison to your favorite fantasy authors, I’d appreciate it.
On a side note, I haven’t read much fantasy at all. I read barely any fiction. Maybe it’s brazen of me to go ahead and write this without much knowledge of the current market. But too late now. I’ve got the idea, it needs to be written down. 😀I haven’t had a chance to read through all of it yet (perhaps a little better than halfway through) but it is very interesting indeed! I like the world and characters you’ve constructed. For someone who hasn’t read a lot of fantasy, I think you’re off to a good start.
The only thing I took issue with was the change of perspective from the third-person (limited) with Lamar to Vin’s first-person. It was a bit jarring and I had a hard time remembering who was narrating at times, and where I was viewing the action from, so to speak. In many ways I felt his part could also be written in the third-person, but then there are moments when the first-person would be better. The third-person omniscient would be a good bridge between the two and allow insight into Vin as well as Lamar with one viewpoint (might mean having to write from others’ viewpoints as well, however).
Or perhaps Vin could have short segments all to himself in the story, written in the first-person to give the reader insight into his person and his intentions, with a third-person observation of his words and actions the rest of the time.
These are of course just my own feelings on it and merely a suggestion. Others may not mind at all. It just seems as though there is no intent of switching back to third-person with Lamar, and some greater consistency with the point of view might make an easier story flow.
Other than that however, you have a very nice set of well-defined characters and some interesting and descriptive prose (even more description of places and events would be welcome, of course). I also like the intent of writing an adventure that is different than the rest. I might suggest though to take care in being blatant about your disappointment with other fantasy works however (Vin’s diatribe on the matter was funny, mind you). Having the author’s opinions start to come through clearly in his or her characters can be irritating to some readers as it seems controllative of their response. So long as you keep it subtle, though, no one will notice the difference between what you and your characters are saying.
Ok, I’ve reviewed enough for starters. I’ll take time to read the remainder later. 😉 Thanks for sharing!
Thanks very much, DD. I appreciate your taking the time for my work.
You’re right – I will alternate between third and first person writing. I actually don’t like first person narration much. I think it’s way overused. But in this case, I just thought it would do best. For one thing, Vin voices my opinions on the over-usage of quests and magnificent battles (don’t worry, I will try to keep it subtle; thanks for the hint). For another, as far as I know no one has written a fantasy book from the viewpoint of the dragon. (I don’t read much fantasy but I do read a lot of reviews.) Another novelty.
Also, there is more, much more that needs describing, you’re right. For example the architectural style of Pfym and the Talbar home. But I had to ask my brother about those – the one’s who’s heading into architecture – so it hasn’t been added yet. We working on a developing a style for the region that will hopefully be as clearly Lynnalan as the style of Rohan is Rohanese. 🙂 What you’re reading is a rough draft, though, basically scribbled down last week. 😀 I will keep your suggestions in mind and update the FicWad post at least once a week.
Thanks for the critique!Ooh, on the contrary, there have been a number of books written from the viewpoint of the dragon (both third and first person). True it is likely not as common, and is not always about the dragons alone. However “The Halfblood Chronicles” by Andre Norton and Mercedes Lackey is a well-known series that has a lot of dragon involvement in the third person, and Laurence Yep has a youth fantasy series with a first-person dragon account, for starters. There are also numerous books and series that I have yet to read but that appear to take place almost completely within dragon society.
I think it is more important then to focus on ‘what’ you do with the idea, how you portray your dragons, and what, if any, new thoughts and ideas you want to bring to the table to give readers pause. It’s almost impossible to make something that is completely unique at its most basic level. The idea of a human and dragon adventure story is, in and of itself, a widely visited notion already. What is unique is how each author handles the material and presents their ideas, and what sort of messages they convey. If you can shed new light or a new perspective (ie. ideology or reasoning, not necessarily just a viewpoint) on an old and possibly tired idea, then you’ve accomplished a feat of originality and would be remembered for it. Trying to find that one plot device or technique no one has yet done however would likely turn up fruitless.
I know they’re not really your thing, but I would suggest it might be a good idea to even briefly research other fantasy novels out there to get a good sense of the market and ‘what’s been done.’ Not necessarily that you need to read them all through, but familiarising yourself with the trends and such would be helpful.
Despite your inexperience with the genre though, I feel you nonetheless have the beginnings of an interesting writing style. With some research into things like typical fantasy genre writing techniques, architecture (as you mentioned), plant and animal physiology, and geography/topography/environment depiction, you could make your writings even more believable and authentic than they already are. You can never do too much research in preparing to write!
Oh, and you can never practice writing too much either. Every day, put even your smallest ideas down for your own use, if you can. I say this because I need to do the same. 😉
Good luck, and happy writing!
I have started to read fantasy fiction ever since Stef started bringing home batches of those books. I just haven’t read many yet. I’ll keep doing so, though.
Thanks for pointing out the first person dragon viewpoint isn’t new. I guess it wouldn’t be – there’s nothing new under the sun, and when you can condense every storyline into 33 basic ideas… Well, like you said, I need to concentrate on putting a new twist on the old story. I think I’ll just keep writing, put down what I want to say, add lots and lots of description, and see what Stef says in the end.
Thanks!Hey GB, I just found this. I’m afraid I don’t check this topic that often. I’ve read about half so far and here are my thoughts.
I love your imagery; very descriptive without over doing it.
I think you have a great plot going. It’s different and I like that. I get tired of the same old thing all the time.
I did find the switch from 3rd to 1st person to be a bit rough. I like the way you’re developing Vin’s personality, but the transtioning needs to be a bit smoother. DD has already given you some good ideas for this.
I can’t wait to see where this story takes you. Characters tend to take on a life of their own, so no doubt your story will evolve as you go along.
Thanks for sharing.
Hey thanks, star! I never expected this to get resurrected! I gotta figure out something for the first to third person transition. Maybe some sort of icon between different-perspective paragraphs would help? I still work on it as much as possible, but I’m trying to put most of my time into studying for now – and failing miserably. 😕 I’ve done some art sketches for scenery and characters. I’ll want to share those when the picture are complete, too. Thanks!
Well, whatever you do, don’t stop writing this. I’m intrigued and I want to see the rest of it. Hey, maybe I should go over to ‘ask drag0nfeathers’ and post reading the rest of your book as one of my goals for the future. 😆 😉
😆 😆 Cool! I’m honored. Really, this story seems to be going places. I thought about it quite a bit this weekend during school and doodled for it. I’ll keep writing, so keep checking back to the FicWad entry!
I mos def will. Tonight, after my son goes to bed, I plan to start again at the top and read to the end. It’s easier to concentrate then. 😆
That’s great. I wish I could add more right now, but I didn’t do any more typing this weekend because of school. I’ll keep adding though, weekly – I promise!
I just read your story all the way to where you stopped. I really like it. You keep it moving and interesting, your main subjects are well defined. I didn’t have much trouble keeping track of the first person switching thing if I payed atention which was easy to do because your story is intriguing. Please do keep writing it and I will keep reading it.
Ok, I’m a little bit past the second page or so I believe, and so far I’m impressed. The worst thing I have to say about what I’ve read is that it’s a fantasy story about riding dragons. 😆 Not the most original premise, and I at least have read so many other books about dragon riding that it doesn’t tend to intrigue me right off the bat anymore. One thing I would like to say is that if you intend on reading more fantasy, make sure you form your ideas well enough before doing so! The fact that you are writing something like this WITHOUT reading loads of it first is intriging in its own right.
However, it’s about ten times better than the beginning of Eragon. I think you will be able to prove that there’s more room for books about dragons in the fantasy genre; your ideas are good enough that if you do it right you can create something new.
I’ll continue reading and let you know what I think once I finish all 15 pages.
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