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The Castle [Dave wrote:
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Barrdwing wrote:I’m glad to see folks reacting the way they are to this thread.
I suspect that those of us who do not think that spanking solves all or even any problems with children are keeping studiously quiet. Oh wait. Darn. Me and my big mouth.
I see raising kids as a bit like training a dog. What works for one may not work for the other.
I was spanked when I was young, and until I was about 11 or so, it was enough of a consequence that I behaved myself to avoid it (and yes, were I to ever have a kid, even though it’s unlikely, I would use spanking as a punishment if I needed to). I could probably count on both hands the number of times I was actually given licks, no need to use the toes too.
When I got older, however, spanking had little effect, so my parents started grounding me by taking away the things I enjoyed, but leaving the thing there for me to stare at. Like taking the cord to my stereo (I loved to listen to music) and leaving the stereo there, unusable, for however long the grounding was to last. When I was little, that probably would not have worked so well.
Regardless of how the consequence is delivered (and yeah, I think spanking has a place, two licks on the bottom never hurt anything but feelings, and it was temporary), there needs to be one or the kid learns nothing.
And it’s the parents’ choice on what the consequence is. *That* is what is the most important. You don’t like spanking? That’s OK, don’t spank your kid. Don’t try to report me as an abuser if I spank my own, though.
Spanking is a sensitive subject, no argument there. It crosses a line that can sometimes lead to things getting out of hand. Let me say that I agree that child abuse is never, never OK: not physical, not verbal, and not emotional. That said, I remember being something of a little wart when I was a kid. I was cocky and jealous of my sisters, and hated being told I had to come grocery shopping when I wanted to stay at home and eat the entire contents of the sugar bowl or similar. And although my mom could deliver a dose of the hairy eyeball like no other, sometimes it really did take a whack on the rear to get my attention. Or, if we were in public, the dreaded arm-grab (Mom had a grip like a blood pressure cuff). I’d then get sent to my room for about half an hour, until everyone involved had gotten over their anger and we could start over. Eventually, I learned to recognize the warning signs of Mom losing her temper, and learned how to control my own temper so that things didn’t progress to the point of spanking.
Frankly, it wasn’t the willingness to spank at all that I was cheering. It was the fact that folks here are stating the opinion that parents need to establish boundaries for their children, and that bad behavior needs to be intercepted and corrected. I guess I sort of assumed that everyone was thinking about “okay” forms of correction (meaning limited and proportional to the age of the child), and not physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Being a parent is a huge responsibility: among so many other things, it includes teaching a child what behaviors are OK and which ones are not, and maintaining basic rules of conduct without losing one’s cool and hurting the child. That’s hard work! I don’t know if I could carry it off. But it has to be done, because otherwise we end up with children that were raised with vague or no boundaries. Children that have rarely if ever had their will thwarted or their actions corrected by what should be their authority figures. They have no reason to assume that there’s anything in the world more important than their wants and whims, and they expect instant gratification. That’s really dangerous when they become adults, with adult strength and rights. It’s like an entire population group of “Little Reginalds” (does anybody else remember that Woody Woodpecker cartoon? No? Darn.)
Thanks for pointing this out, Dave. 🙂 It was a valid point to bring up and I should have clarified what I was talking about.
I have a good example…the people across the street don’t discipline their kids and the youngest (maybe age 3) likes to take the car keys and play with them. He has now graduated to starting their truck. When he figures out how to get it in gear and either drive it through their garage or reverse/neutral it through my front yard and into my porch, then you can tell me whether a swat on the butt (as well as hiding the keys) might have made a difference.
Barrdwing wrote:I guess I sort of assumed that everyone was thinking about “okay” forms of correction (meaning limited and proportional to the age of the child), and not physical, emotional, or verbal abuse.
I didn’t want to waste pixels by quoting the entirety of your post followed by “What you said!”, but after throwing out a bunch of false starts of my own, you said everything better than I could have done anyway.
Thanks.
lamortefille wrote:I have a good example…the people across the street don’t discipline their kids and the youngest (maybe age 3) likes to take the car keys and play with them. He has now graduated to starting their truck. When he figures out how to get it in gear and either drive it through their garage or reverse/neutral it through my front yard and into my porch, then you can tell me whether a swat on the butt (as well as hiding the keys) might have made a difference.
I don’t see this as being a problem of discipline; I see it as being a problem of bad parenting.
Do those parents have no clue about child-proofing their house? You say “as well as hiding the keys” as a parenthetical addition to hitting their kid as a training method, but it seems to me that if the parents were to take responsibility for the keys, which I contend that as parents they should, then if the child finds the keys it’s THEIR fault, and the notion that the “good parenting” thing to do at that point is to slap the kid around for their mistake is totally bizarre to me.
The Castle [Dave wrote:“]
Barrdwing wrote:I’m glad to see folks reacting the way they are to this thread.
I suspect that those of us who do not think that spanking solves all or even any problems with children are keeping studiously quiet. Oh wait. Darn. Me and my big mouth.
Great way to break the silence, Dave! 🙄 Now the rest of us studiously quiet members are going to feel compelled to open our mouths. And once you get me talking, I don’t shut up 😛
The Castle [Dave wrote:“]
lamortefille wrote:I have a good example…the people across the street don’t discipline their kids and the youngest (maybe age 3) likes to take the car keys and play with them. He has now graduated to starting their truck. When he figures out how to get it in gear and either drive it through their garage or reverse/neutral it through my front yard and into my porch, then you can tell me whether a swat on the butt (as well as hiding the keys) might have made a difference.
I don’t see this as being a problem of discipline; I see it as being a problem of bad parenting.
Do those parents have no clue about child-proofing their house? You say “as well as hiding the keys” as a parenthetical addition to hitting their kid as a training method, but it seems to me that if the parents were to take responsibility for the keys, which I contend that as parents they should, then if the child finds the keys it’s THEIR fault, and the notion that the “good parenting” thing to do at that point is to slap the kid around for their mistake is totally bizarre to me.
Of course it’s bad parenting. All of that “Now honey don’t do that” x100 hasn’t done a thing. I never said anything about “slapping a kid around” at all or in favor of common sense and other discipline. A swat on the butt when the kid has a diaper on is hardly child abuse. You have your opinion and I have mine, so that’s that.
im not asking anyone to be a perfect parrent but when i ask you to keep your kids off my car time and time again and all i get is a grimmace then yes i will yell at them . My car cost quite a bit of money and i dont think i should have to pay to fix it every time some ones kid desides it an awsome fort .Parrents these day are afraid to punnish thier kids be it go to the room or corner .
And your right i have absolutly no tolerance for other peoples kids denting or scratching my car , no one got hurt sure but i bet you a cool grand that you too would get pissed and yell at them. Kids around here dont need kid gloves they need discapline , the kid next door didnt get even grounded when he set fire to my neighbors fence and shed ..nothing and that deserved a good whooping at least , some one could have died ..i know they didnt is the excuse .
in a nut shell i wont smother my kid but disipline will be given suited to the crime . and if you think you kid is perfect after screwing with my car , my cat or my yard keep them the heck away
Necron99 wrote:im not asking anyone to be a perfect parrent but when i ask you to keep your kids off my car time and time again and all i get is a grimmace then yes i will yell at them . My car cost quite a bit of money and i dont think i should have to pay to fix it every time some ones kid desides it an awsome fort .Parrents these day are afraid to punnish thier kids be it go to the room or corner .
And your right i have absolutly no tolerance for other peoples kids denting or scratching my car , no one got hurt sure but i bet you a cool grand that you too would get pissed and yell at them. Kids around here dont need kid gloves they need discapline , the kid next door didnt get even grounded when he set fire to my neighbors fence and shed ..nothing and that deserved a good whooping at least , some one could have died ..i know they didnt is the excuse .
in a nut shell i wont smother my kid but disipline will be given suited to the crime . and if you think you kid is perfect after screwing with my car , my cat or my yard keep them the heck away
How did this turn into a rant about kids damaging your car? I am talking about stuff in general, and you are getting upset about something specific…I’m a bit confused now.
Kyrin
Kyrin wrote:Necron99 wrote:im not asking anyone to be a perfect parrent but when i ask you to keep your kids off my car time and time again and all i get is a grimmace then yes i will yell at them . My car cost quite a bit of money and i dont think i should have to pay to fix it every time some ones kid desides it an awsome fort .Parrents these day are afraid to punnish thier kids be it go to the room or corner .
And your right i have absolutly no tolerance for other peoples kids denting or scratching my car , no one got hurt sure but i bet you a cool grand that you too would get pissed and yell at them. Kids around here dont need kid gloves they need discapline , the kid next door didnt get even grounded when he set fire to my neighbors fence and shed ..nothing and that deserved a good whooping at least , some one could have died ..i know they didnt is the excuse .
in a nut shell i wont smother my kid but disipline will be given suited to the crime . and if you think you kid is perfect after screwing with my car , my cat or my yard keep them the heck away
How did this turn into a rant about kids damaging your car? I am talking about stuff in general, and you are getting upset about something specific…I’m a bit confused now.
Kyrin
You said i am intollerant of other peoples kids and i posted the reasons why i am intolerant of the kids around here. The parrents dont discipline thier kids when they mess up peoples cars , set fires or mess with other folks animals , other wise i would have no problem with the kids . The parrents around here are liberal hippies that think a soft hand is the only way , after they say no no in a hushed soft voice the kids laugh at them and go do it again .. I have said my point , that is why i am intollerant of others kids around here , yes i am in favor of spanking NOT BEATINGS so if you want to call me an abuser then more power to you . If you dont want to spank when needed then fine thats your choice and opinion . Im not going to go on with this thread as people will get angry and offened . You have your ways and i have mine .. like i said i got the occasional spanking and turned out just fine , not a criminal .
Now lets not turn this into a parenting rant thread. Everyone is entitled to discipline there child how they see fit so long as it doesn’t cross that line into child abuse. If you don’t believe in spanking thats fine, if it works for you thats fine. If you do believe in spanking thats fine too. I started this thread to rant about this little kid who terrified my cat (who is very skittish when he sits by my front door now). I was happy to hear that for once a parent actually disciplined there child (either by spanking or time out I don’t care). I’ve seen so many parents who say their child does no wrong and look the other way. I’ll be more then happy to let this thread die now if its going to turn into a spank/don’t spank flame war.
This is one of those controversial topics that I’ve warned about.
In the end, everyone has their ways of doing this- right or wrong is irrelevant to this forum. Why? Because though I do have the utmost respect for those that post here, an argument on a forum is probably not going to change someone’s mind in their parenting techniques. These are issues far deeper that, if you are having problems with, require a lot of thought, sitting with your family and discussing, and if necessary seeking professional council on.
It is regrettable that we do, sometimes daily, see examples of bad parenting and the results thereof. It is an unfortunate part of society and often an unforgivable one if it is willingly continued, but that said we do not know every detail of the lives of those involved.
While I appreciate the discussion, the debate is getting a bit heated, and again I regret that though it is an important issue, arguing the finer points sadly will make little difference here on this forum.
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