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So….in the last month, I met a great new guy…he’s a bit younger than me (which I usually go for lol), very attractive, laid back, easy going, he’s not an alcoholic or an addict (my last ex was and all of his family had an addiction to something or other 🙁 ) he likes animals, loves music like I do {and miraculously, has the same taste in music as I do! O.O} he’s got a stable job-not a career type job, but neither do I-we are both planning on going back to school-although Ive already started down that path and have taken all the core classes I can before getting into the radiography program that I so desire to be accepted into *crosses fingers*
ANYWAYS, we’ve only been talking maybe 6 weeks, so we are still getting to know each other, but we like similar movies, and from what I can tell so far, have a similar sense of humor (also very important) I feel happy and comfortable around him and he seems to be relaxed around me too.
Things that are funny to me…he shares first name and last initial with my first love…his daughter and my girl cat have the same name {Chloe} (guess he and I have similar tates in names lol) AND both his Chloe and my Chloe came into our lives in the same year… the last big concert I went to put on by a local radio station this summer…he was at…his seat was not so far away. He went to high school with my best friend…he wears the same cologne as my ex…which is okay because I like that scent (Aqua de gio by Armani) so now I have a happy memory to attach to that scent) we have hung out at the same bars…he works at Academy, and I have been in that store probably 100 times last year..our lives have been running close together for years and we have finally met. I know we have to have seen each other before.
but he’s got a kid already…she’s 3, blonde and beautiful. Now, I’ve never wanted kids…even when I was one (although Ive always had a soft spot for little blonde kids…IDK why) All the other girls wanted babies, and wanted to be mommies (even still-I’m 26, my friends have dreams of babies) I dont…and that fact was a big, huge source of stress between me and my last ex. He wanted a kid one day, I did not. I was open to adoption in the future…some weeks he was okay with that idea, some weeks he was not. It literally stressed me to tears knowing I couldn’t be the woman he needed in that aspect, and thinking I’d lose him over it one day. Well he’s gone now anyway. It wasn’t meant to be.
With this new guy, he’s already gotten the need/desire to be Dad and pass on his DNA out of his system. We touched on the subject and he says hes okay not having any more. I haven’t met his daughter yet, only seen pictures on FaceBook, but he seems enamoured with her. He only sees her every other weekend, and I think he does all that he can to be a great dad.
I’ve mentioned to a friend or two that “yeah, there’s this awesome new guy, he thinks Im awesome too,………and he has a kid…..” and the response I get has been “o.O uuughhh….um……are you sure about this? You know the mom isn’t going anywhere…” -yeah, I know. He and her were only together a year from what I understand. I’ve been cautious to ask about the ex…he barely talks about her, except to say “my daughter’ mom”. He says he was engaged at one point, but they never got married. I haven’t wanted to ask him about it yet, but I suspect they found out they were pregnant when he was 20, he proposed to her, she got angry and fed up with him for whatever reason, and she broke it off. He said his longest relationship was about a year.
Granted I have never dated or been interested in a man with a child, and don’t know what kind of baggage might come with that….after loving a man with an addiction, I think I can handle an ex girlfriend/child’s mother. I’m stubborn and bull headed (a Taurus if you couldnt tell LOL) and although I haven’t met her, I don’t think she could get to me.
I look at it 2 ways-1-the older I’m getting, there will be more guys who either have children already, or who might be divorced, so its just part of life…whether Im 26 or 36.
2-It takes the pressure off me to give him a child. I don’t like babies. Kids are okay, I like little girls…mostly because I can corrupt them with My Little Ponies and unicorns (mwahahahahha!!) and my dear friend’s daughter is 4, and we get along fantastically. If things progressed, down the road, I’d get to be mom and help take care of someone who means a lot to someone I care about-even if it *is* just part time.
I feel crazy even thinking about all this, after barely knowing the guy 6 weeks, but I do want a relationship with him, and if we do make things official in the coming months, I know I will have to deal with all of this at some point…so I guess this gives me time to wrap my head around all of it.
I know most of you here on the forum are older than myself, so now knowing the situation, what do you think? Really bad idea? Am I crazy for thinking I can take all this on? Most of my close friends are young and don’t have first hand experience with this-and I know a few of you here might.
Sorry this is a little ranty…I *am* excited to have met him, and the way I feel about him is so different, in a good way…like…”this is the way things are supposed to be/happen” kind of way.
So yeah-any thoughts, personal experience stories, anything is welcome. I’m trying not to rush things (that OBVIOUSLY hasn’t worked for me in the past!!) and therefore taking things as they come, but “what to expect” would be good so, as mentioned, I’ll have time to wrap my head around it, and be as mentally prepared as I can…I’m not worried, just have no experience with this, and aside from you guys, (and yes RiversGrace, Im including you in the “you guys”) I don’t have anyone I can really talk to about all this that could offer more than “you wanna avoid baby mamma drama” *rolls eyes* lol
well, Im kinda in the same boat. I don’t want kids and im extremely lucky to find a guy who doesn’t want kids either. We have been dating now for a little over a year (I’m 26 and he just turned 37).
But, I guess it all comes down to how you feel around his daughter. I don’t like screaming babies either, but in your instance, luckly she’s a little older and you can kinda be like friends or something. And also, you noted that he sees her every other weekend, so it’s not like she permantly lives there everyday. So you can have your alone times with him. Haha I’m greedy and don’t like to share. heehee!
But it really sounds cool how much alike you two are. And how ya’ll went to the same concerts and you practically go to the same places. Possible soulmates?? 🙂
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Website: courtneymooreauthor.comJust becareful . I hope it goes well and he’s the right one forever . The reason for the warning is if it falls apart . The little one could be hurt . But relationships like that do and can work out . Take it slow let things devolope and see where they go . I so hope it works out .
Give it more time. Get to know the man even better, then eventually (if the relationship goes there) take time to meet the kid as well.
Even a person who likes kids in general may meet children they do not like. People who do not like kids may find those that they enjoy the company of, and get along fine with.
Basically, this is a relationship with one person right now. If he gives you the opportunity to meet his daughter, and you love him, and want to take the relationship to that level of serious at the time….then do so.
Then, take the time to get to know the kid as an individual as well. She’s just someone who you haven’t met yet. Not all kids are whining brat terrors, and not all of them are easy to get along with either.
You won’t know until you meet her, but give her a fair benefit of the doubt as a person. You’re not her mother, nor will you be expected to fill the role if the actual mother has primary custody. Just think of her as a small person you’d like to be friends with. I doubt more than that is expected in any case.
For a parent to introduce someone they’re dating to their child is a big deal. If he offers this to you, then it’s a big sign of trust. (he sounds to be that sort of parent anyway)
No, the mother isnt going anywhere. But, at this point she’s not really an aspect to be considered yet. Even if you do end up serious with this man, you may never have much contact with her…it’s hard to say, only time will tell…so don’t worry about her for now.
In the end…give it time. Just get to know the fellow better, and at the very least enjoy him as an individual before you stress too much over a pseudo-mother role which you may never have to take part in.
I’ll say: don’t over-think it and go with the flow. Like Purplecat said, focus on him and you for now. If you guys are going to be serious, there will be plenty of time for everybody else – his daughter, his parents, his friends, your friends, your parents…
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI actually ran into this myself a couple years back (My ex has two kids) … I didn’t know if it was going to be an issue or not, he has them full time, ‘n I was also not into the idea of having kids (Still have no desire to have my own, but now kinda prefer the idea dating a guy with kids).. but I went for it anyway. I can truly say I do not regret a moment of it (ok, well a moment that had to do with the kids anyway, lol)…
I think if you like this guy this much, you should consider the fact that he only has her every other weekend, so it isn’t like she’s there *all* the time, a lil easier on someone who isn’t quite sure of the situation, but I think you might be surprised how easy it really is 🙂
It was scary for me at first with my ex’s two kids, but I fell in love with them, and I picked up on how to care for them with him.. so now I can truly say, it isn’t as scary as it seems 🙂As for the daughters mom, I wouldn’t have a worry at all.. My ex was in contact with the kid’s mom all the time, and their relationship was purely in the interest of the kids (You could tell there wasn’t anything left there than making sure the kids lives weren’t miserable)… I never felt her as a threat of any sort, I told him right off the bat that I will play nice with her so long as she plays nice with me, and respects him and I… ‘n never had an issue with her personally.
So… that’s my .02 🙂 – If you like the guy, go for it!
Wow, look at me being optimistic! lol.. I guess I gotta have hope for others, since I don’t have any for myself right now, lol XD
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