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I’m so sorry you are in this situation. I am glad you have a place like this to come and vent your frustrations. It is easy to express your feelings to a computer screen, and it probably helps you just a tiny bit to decompress. I have a history of mental illness in my family, we all have various stages of despression and anxiety disorders. Now that I am older, I see the troubles I had as a teen stem from my parents inability to handle conflict, stress, etc…But, that doesn’t help me feel OK about how they treated me. I had a very hard time growing up, many times I felt like you feel now. Most times I just wished parent b would die or leave. I hated parent b, I’m still, 15-20 years later, not that close with parent b. I spent most of my time at home closeted away in my room, just to stay out of ear shot.
Now, especially after being on meds, I see that the way I grew up wasn’t healthy.
First and foremost, you need to talk about these feelings with a doctor. You need to do it for you, you need the correct ‘tools’ to help you deal with your surroundings. Being so angry that you feel you want to kill your mother or yourself isn’t healthy, and if you tell a health care prof, they WILL take notice. You have to ask for the help tho, you have to tell them you can’t get rides, you can’t drive, the negativity towards your health at home. If you feel you need to check into the hospital for mental health, then you will have access to doctors and help right away.
Do you have any other family close by that could facilatate you getting help? Maybe a freinds house you could stay at for a little bit to take a breather?
How are you feeling health wise? Is your medication helping yet? how long before it is supposed to help? Do the meds need to be regulated, if so, are your docs paying attention to it?
I know, so many questions, sorry! Finally, I dont know how old you are, but things will get better. I know they will, I have been where you are. Just give it time, try to stay out of ‘harms way’ and really do try to speak to your doctors about how you feel(both bodily & mentally). *hugs*
No, the only other family I have is my half-brother and he lives in Connecticut (I’m in New Mexico). And he cares even less than my mother. x.x
The pills don’t seem to be working yet. They said it would take a couple weeks, but I’ve been on them for just under a month and nothing has changed. My doctor hasn’t called to schedule a blood test to check if I need a higher dose yet, but she should call probably this week with my other test results, so I can probably make an appointment then…
I’m 20 now (21 in March), and I started getting sick when I was around 12-13.
I’m sorry your mom is saying such hurtful things. Are you due to see your doctor soon? Can you talk to him/her about the situation at home and the type of comments your mom makes? Or talk to you dad about it. I know you said he spends a lot of time in his room – maybe he doesn’t realize how comments like that could impact your health. If at all possible I would talk to him to see if there is any possibility of renting an apartment for you. Good luck.
I duno, I have to have a urine test to check my cortisol(sp?) level since it was high on both blood tests, but we don’t know if that might’ve been from nerves since I have severe panic attacks every time I have to go to the doctor or have blood tests. Then after that I’ll need another blood test to see how much my thyroid meds need to be increased since they’re not helping at all yet.
I do talk to my dad sometimes, but he mostly just tells my to keep my mouth shut and not piss her off. The problems is just breathing pisses her off most of the time. 🙄 And getting an apartment is totally out of the question. 1, we just bought this house while keeping our old house to rent last August and therefor can’t afford it, and 2, just no freakin’ way am I EVER living alone. I would end up in either the hospital, the nut house, or the morgue by the end of the week. I can NOT live alone because I have such a severe panic disorder. I’ll be stuck with my parents til they die and then I’ll probably end up back in Connecticut with my brother. And he hates me more than my mother does so he would most likely disown me and kick me out on the street.
Oh man. I’m sorry. *hugs* If I lived on my own and was not living at home (paying off college loans… *sigh*), I’d say come live with me in NY!
Hang in here!
So a few days ago I had to have another blood test to check my thyroid levels again cause since I started taking the pills I don’t feel any better. I still want to sleep all the time, horribly nauseous, etc… but the test came back fine. It’s actually a tiny bit high now (from the pills). O.o So.. wtf? Why do I still feel like crap constantly? Why have I felt like throwing up pretty much every second of every day for the past three years????
I think I somehow managed to get a stomach virus on top of everything else now. I’ve been stuck in the bathroom since… Tuesday I think? It hurts so bad I’m pretty sure getting SHOT would feel better. Of course my mother tells me to shut up and live with it. x.x;
This isn’t a panic attack though. I know I have an esophagus defect that could be causing the constant nausea, but I’m not sure. I really don’t want to have to drink that barium crap again for another xray. x.x;
I had to drink that nasty stuff when they were searching for my problem (It ended up being my gallbladder) and I hated it! Ew! Strawberry flavor my a$$!!! 😆
XD, I know, it was more like chalk. I had to try SO hard to keep from throwing up, and then when they were doing the xray and they had me laying on that table thing, when they started to tilt it backwards I actually did throw up and they got a picture of it. 😯 The tech was like “O___O that… should not happen.” That was when they found out I had the esophagus defect (the end of it that connects to my stomach doesn’t ever close like it should, so if I eat or drink anything I get horribly nightmarishly nauseous). Every time I burp I puke a little too and I have to swallow it real quick before it gets all the way up. x.x
I did the “live xray” thing where they could watch it go down and such… near the end my stomach was saying “Thats IT!” and the tech saw it I guess because he told me to stop drinking that crud! I guess he saw my stomach getting ready to return it all! lol 😆 I was really close to pukeing on that tech!
Yes, liquid chalk… that stuff is so nasty!
Yeah I had that too… they gave me this cup of it and told me to drink it as fast as possible… yeah right. I could barely swallow it at all. *flails* Then after they were finished the tech was explaining to me about how the defect could eventually give me cancer. I was like GREAT that’s JUST want I needed to hear. WTF. You don’t just SAY things like that to a teenager. I wanted to smack him. My other doctor told me I “probably” had cancer way before all that too. When they couldn’t figure out what was making me sick all the time and she told me I should be locked up in the nut house. My DOCTOR said that. She seriously needs to be sued and fired, cause she has no business being a doctor if she’s gonna say things like that to her patients. 👿
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