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I did get that anxiety book you mentioned, Mimitrek, though I haven’t had a chance to read it yet. I also got two books on thyroid disease, though I’m thinking I really shouldn’t have read them, cause now I’m even more paranoid and freaked out than before. T_T
My mother has gotten so tired of dealing with me being sick all the time and unable to work/learn to drive/do anything at all around the house that she’s just completely ignoring me. If I ask her something or try to talk to her she doesn’t say anything, won’t even look at me. It’s like I don’t exist to her. Unless she wants me to do something, and I try to explain to her that I’m just too weak (most of the time I can’t even get up off the couch), she has a fit and tells me I’m a lazy worthless freeloader. 😥 Uhh, hello? I have a freaking DISEASE here. It’s not my fault. x.x;
I’ve been on Levothroid for about two weeks now, but I’m not seeing any difference yet. I think I need a stronger dose. I’ll probably end up on a pill to control the pituitary tumor eventually too. I think I’m going to stop taking the birth control… I can’t handle taking three pills a day. x.x;
So yeah, that’s pretty much it. Oh, and I think I’m getting arthritis in my hips. Great. my anxiety attacks aren’t getting any better either. I had one a couple nights ago. Just woke me up out of the blue at around 6am, gagging, sweating, shaking all over. I think I was dreaming about someone trying to kill me. And something about Windstones. O__o; Anyways I was sick all morning, didn’t get back to sleep til around 10am, woke up an hour later, fell back asleep, then my mother, the uncaring walking disease that she is, woke me up at about 1:30pm. This was like two days ago and I still feel sick. Ergh.
I still have that bruise on my arm from when I had the MRI too. o.o;
Hang in there; you’re tougher than you think 😀 As for your mum; I’m sorry for how she is reacting to you being ill 🙁 Sometimes that kind of behavior is a defense mechanism. She may be feeling that she failed you in some way or is incredibly worried about you and doesn’t know how to express those emotions. She may also be feeling frustrated that she can’t ‘fix’ you. Mums are like that; we feel like we should be able to help or fix or make things right for our children and when we can’t, we feel angry and defensive and think that we’ve somehow failed. That being said, keep up with your medication, keep communicating with your doctors and once everything is back in balance you’ll definately start feeling better and be able to do more. If you are in need of a surrogate mum, feel free to PM 😀 *HUGS*
twindragonsmum 😀
tdm
What you’re going through right now sounds terrible. But I think its just a matter of time before the medication will start having effect and start making you feel better.
I’m sorry that your mom isn’t being more supportive, but it could be for the reasons that twindragonsmum mentioned. I’m really glad that you got that anxiety book! I think reading it will also help you to deal with the lack of support…that book really is like having an understanding coach right there with you, giving you support.
If you practice the exercises in the book, I think in time you’ll be able to teach yourself how to effectively cope with the anxiety attacks and perhaps eventually eliminate them altogether, the way my friend did. Best of luck with that!
I’m so sorry Paper Cut, that all sounds horrible. I know what it’s like to have anxiety attacks, and I unfortunetly have arthritis in both hips, it’s an advancement of my pancreatitis. You should try DailyStrength.com, they have a great support system for anxiety. Or feel free to PM me anytime.
Okay now I’m seriously getting PO’d. my mother basically threatened to either hide or break all my Windstones if I don’t stop “acting” so sick all the time. wtf. She already did that with my My Little Pony collection last year. I didn’t get them back for MONTHS. Then I had to sell the whole collection of around 200 just to keep her from completely destroying them (she said she would burn them…). Am I going to have to sell all my Windstones now?! This woman seriously has some issues, and I hate her for it. It’s even got to the point where pretty much every day I fantasize about torturing her to death. How can she still think, after it’s been proven that I have health problems, DISEASES, that I’m making it up?? She still thinks I’m doing it just so I don’t have to work or drive. x.x I’m honestly getting exhausted from dealing with all her crap and I just want her to LEAVE and never come back before I snap and kill her or myself. She really does make me want to die. *FLAILS*
I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time. Is there anyone else in the family you can talk to? Or can you and your mother have a meeting with your doctor to discuss your condition in depth? It’s often hard to process all the info when you are being given the diagnosis – maybe your mom needs more time discussing it with your doctor. People often don’t understant medical conditions the first or even the second time it is discussed.
And if all possible can you and your mom go to family counseling? I’m very concerned that you mentioned either killing her or yourself. If she won’t go can you find a professional to talk to? It might help to have someone outside of the situation to talk to.
Good luck. I’ll be thinking of you.
She just… doesn’t care. Which is stupid cause my doctor checked her throat while I was there and said she has the same disease that I do. But she won’t get the blood tests to make sure, and she won’t take the pills.
The only other family member is my father and he just pretends to ignore everything that goes on between me and my mother. He just stays in his room all day and doesn’t come out except to go to the store or feed the dogs. He doesn’t want to deal with it. He only takes me to the doctors cause I can’t drive and my mother refuses to. She won’t get help for herself or me. She was on Zoloft (an anti-depressant drug) for years and years, but then a few years ago she stopped taking it cause she thought she didn’t need it, and then she just started getting real nasty towards me, my father, pretty much the world. Whenever she watches the news or whatever she says things like people need to be shot, tortured, killed, all kinds of nasty hateful things. And she blames me for her heart and blood pressure problems, says it’s my fault she has to take so many pills, it’s my fault she’s so miserable all the time.
She really is a horrible excuse for a human….
That’s a really tough situation. It’s so hard when people who needs meds won’t take them. Unfortunately there isn’t much anyone can do to force her to take them.
I hope that once you’ve been on the thyroid medication for awhile you will start feeling better. Things always seem better when you are feeling well.
Is there any chance you can go talk to someone? Maybe get your dad to drive you? I have a friend who had a really tough time with her mom and counseling helped her with how to deal with the situation. She realized she couldn’t change her mother or her mother’s actions but she could change how SHE reacted to her mom.
Good luck.
I… don’t think so. If I asked him to take me she probably wouldn’t let him, saying it’s “a waste of money”. But yet she wants to have me locked up in the nut house. She mentioned that again today. x.x;
Did your mom start acting worse when the doctor diagnosed her with hypothyroidism? It could be that some of her recent nastiness is anger over discovering that she herself has the disease that she didn’t want her daughter to have (she would have rather you didn’t have any disease at all, of that I’m sure; “laziness” in their child is easier for a parent to face than illness). I’d be willing to bet that your proof of genuine illness has made her face up to some symptoms of her own that she’s been trying to hide from the rest of the family. She may also feel that because your dad isn’t taking an active role in dealing with your illness, she has to do all of it herself. And she’s furious about it, and taking it out on you.
Well, her anger doesn’t change the fact that you have a real, live illness and you are trying to deal with it despite some frustrating obstacles. I know this sounds trite, but please try to focus on getting better. That is the critical thing here. Endocrine diseases can be really annoying because it takes a few weeks to get things into a better balance. Don’t give up! You are stronger than this illness and you don’t owe it anything: you did not do anything to bring it on, and no matter what it’s done to your life, you do not belong to it.
There is a book that was very helpful to me; I’ll PM you with the title because I don’t know how to post a link. 😳
Barrdwing wrote:Did your mom start acting worse when the doctor diagnosed her with hypothyroidism?
No, it was way before that. Like maybe four or five years ago, when she stopped taking her Zoloft. Of course she was nasty before then, but not nearly as bad. I keep telling her maybe she should start taking it again, but she just refuses every time and screeches at me to leave her the f*** alone (her words). x.x;
I dunno, but I really wish she would stop acting like this. She’s not helping my problems at all. *sigh*
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