- This topic has 72 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 17 years, 3 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Let me tell you what happened. We have a big mission going on. Monday, the birds were supposed to come back at 1730. I brought people in late for just this purpose, though I was at PT in the morning. I left to get my son at 1700, took him home, started dinner, and was helping him with his homework when the 1SG calls and asks where I am. He said that everyone was running around and didn’t know what the heck was going on and I needed to be there. Well, of course I drove back in but I needed to talk to CPT Diko about this. I told her I could no longer do this job. I cannot work late every day and then on weekends and still raise my son. I am so tired from work that when I get home, I don’t even want to help him with his school work. I enrolled him in football so he could be around boys and men (Because being raised by a mom does not exactly prepare one for manhood) but since I have enrolled him, we have missed 5 practices and one (out of two) games. I asked for the chapter (involuntary separation due to hardship.) Well, since then, I have been counseled because I “quit” my job and was not there late, even though no one told me I had to be there late, and I had two e-5’s and an e-4 there to handle it. I do know that I should have been there, but I just can’t sacrifice my son’s education and future for this company’s mission. It will get along without me. My son will not. The commander wants to give me a relief for cause NCOER though CPT Diko and the 1SG assure me this will not happen. They have said that I will get a “not so good” NCOER and they will find me another job. Well, now I am stuck with the fact that the degree I just earned to help me get promoted will do me no good once the board members see this NCOER. I will also be getting another job, though no one knows where yet. Curtailments have been mentioned. I am torn between just continuing to ask for the chapter and getting out since my chances for a promotion any time soon are looking a lot slimmer of late, or just taking the bad NCOER and moving on to who knows what. I am sure part of the reason I am handling this badly right now is because of Paul leaving. It has certainly made me more emotional. At the same time, though, that does not change the circumstances with my son. I have been told that I am no longer performing platoon sergeant duties and I need to get to work on my soldiers reviews. I am going to try to talk to a counselor today. I am depressed, to be sure, and need someone to talk to that can handle my crying. I know I am responsible for maintaining my family care plan, but at the same time, I am not willing to use it every day and let someone else raise my son. Top mentioned that he did not see his kids on Monday night. I am sure he knows part of how I feel, but his kids have another parent to put them to bed when he is not there. My son does not. What do you think about me asking for a chapter? I have been in the Army since I was 17 and am not sure if I can maintain the quality of life in the outside world. I am also scared that I will fail to find any job and my son and I will be eating out of dumpsters… not that that’s too horrible… I turned out ok… but still… of course I want something better for my son. Well, I have rambled on enough.
Awwww, Ski…*HUGS* I didn’t understand many of the technical terms in there, but I absolutely get the gist and I just want to say I’m sorry and I hope things get better…I am young and not a mother, but I think making your son top priority is the right thing to do…but I’m sorry it has to be so rough! I am much too inexperienced to offer any kind of advice 🙁 but I offer hugs and virtual rocky road. I’ll be thinking about you!
"He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom."
-J R R TolkienArlla’s right. Justin needs you now, not later. Sounds to me like you’ve been in the Army long enough. It’s a comfortable job in many ways, but it doesn’t seem to be the best in your situation now. And the time you miss with Justin now won’t be coming back…
Hugs to you, and good luck.Lots and lots of HUGS for Ski. I’ve always believed that family comes first. And as GB said, spending time with your son when he is young is something you can’t get back. I have no doubt that you could handle most any job in civilian life.
I didn’t get some of the terms either… but family comes before work! Would a promotion really give you more family time?
I googled the chapter thing a little bit, and to me, it sounds great. You really need in change in career, ski. I’m one of those “work to live” persons, not the opposite, so if work gets into the way of live, it’s time for a change. Changing jobs can be scary, especially if, like you, you’ve been in the same company for a long time, but it’s worth it in the end. It looks like the chapter would give you a good severance pay, so enough time to find another job. And you will! Maybe at first it won’t be a dream job, but it’ll get your feet wet and give you motivation. Hang in there, and talk to a counsellor, I’m sure it’ll help with the emotional roller coaster and it might avoid a full-blown depression.
Sending you big hugs!
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/mybooks.htm
I host the feedback lists, which are maintained by drag0nfeathers.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI think you need to wait a bit before making any drastic decisions. You have a lot going on in your life right now. Let things settle down before making any major changes.
Hey Ski,
I sure wish I could drive down there just for you to have someone to cry on. My hugs and prayers go out too you. I totally understand how it feels. I’ve had a second hand taste of life in the military and my husband was raised a Navy brat.
My husband spent five years full time Air Force and got out when they wouldn’t let him cross train. After a year out of work he joined the Nat Guard and got a full time job at the PFO as a military employee. THAN he went to OCS and got his 1LT at 31. Also going to college to get his degree while all this was going on. Kind of a backwards way to go about things ! 🙄
Oh yeah he also worked on a hog farm part time for 6 months, than ran a furniture stripping and refinishing business during the same years. We moved to GA when he was offered full time work here making more than he was in MI. That was great for awhile. Than he took a 30 hour a week job in Atlanta ( in addition to working full time at Delta) Suffice it to say that he is a bit of a workaholic.
All this to say that I was pretty much a single parent with the advantage of having his income for several years. I worked part time to buy what the kids needed but gave it up. I was too exhausted and they deserved at least one parent to be there for them at night.
You are right in feeling that these are years you can’t replace with your son. If you can get Chapter I would definitely do so. I’m not sure how all that works but it sounds like a good way to go.
Is there anyone there who can write a letter of support for your situation? A pastor or family member? My Bro-I-L was in Hawaii (Marine) and my sister in MI with 4 small kids. They got several letters together and he was released early.I hope somewhere in all this rambling you find something that helps 🙂 Meanwhile I’m pullin g for you ~more hugs~
That was a hard thing to do but I think you have alot of strength to stand up for what your son needs. I dont know much about what other kinds of jobs are available to you but dont worry, things will work out. “This too will pass.” 😉 Let us know how the situation is and keep us informed.
I think Star’s wait and see attitude is a good one. Give it a few days, then think about it again. If you still want to change jobs, then do it.
Hugs to you, and I hope everything goes okay.
I’m just wondering if you will have some kind of support system (family, friends) that can/will help you if you leave the Service? Otherwise you may be trading one set of problems for another…not that change isn’t good, mind you. It isn’t easy being a single parent under any circumstances, but it’s easier if you have a support system. Even with two parents, it isn’t easy to keep kids involved in football and other activities….you just have to do the best you can.
You are a super intelligent person and I’m sure you will succeed no matter what you choose to do in life. I also agree with star…take some time to think about it. Go to the counselling they have available…and as always, we’re here for you. *hugs*
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
