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Sorry I haven’t been around. Things have been pretty busy around here and I’ve had a lot weighing me down. I’m not really looking for help or reassurance, I just need to get this out and its easier for me to do it on here. I can write it better than I can say it, writer’s curse I guess.
It hit me all of a sudden today that I’m going back to West Liberty State College, the place where everything began and sent me down into a downward spiral of which it took me over 2 yrs to get out of. I’m starting into the classes for my major and it hit me, what if I’m terrible at this and what if I hate it? I mean I love English Lit, but I hear that the education classes can either make you or break you. I just hope that this time around my experiences at West Lib are better.
The other part, the part that’s really gotten me scared is…Ryan, my fiancee. We’ve been together for 2 and a half years now. And even though I love him, things have been getting steadily worse. I mean I’ve only seen him three times since January. The last time I saw him, I felt like we were both just good friends rather than an engaged couple. And the longer he is away the weaker the bond between me and him gets. So much that when he comes back for visits, it doesn’t become stronger at all…we just lost so much ground. The worst part is the longer we go on like this the more my feelings become stronger for someone else. I’d never cheat on Ryan, I still love him but things have changed so much that I don’t know if we can regain what we’ve lost. And the person that I’ve been having feelings for has feelings for me, he has for a long time and even though I was with Ryan he accepted it and stayed very good friends with me. Even though we both know of our feelings for eachother now we still refuse to act upon them. He respects me and Ryan to much and I will not cheat on Ryan. I’m scared of what I feel and I want to tell Ryan, at least of my fears and about how much distance I’ve felt from him but its just to hard to tell him over the phone, its not something to talk about over the phone. I need to talk to him face to face…but since he is 2000 miles away I can’t.
I’m so lost…
I don’t know. He’s been trying to get a job closer to home. It just makes it hard because I know he still loves me just as much if not more than the day he proposed to me. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.
If you love what you do in college and put your time and effort into it you’ll do well. I wish I could offer helpful advice on the other front, which sounds like its weighing on you more, but I’ve only been in the position of the very good friend. Only the girl that I respected and loved dumped her boyfriend and then stopped talking to me because she was interested in a better looking guy. It’s a painful position for all of you to be in, maybe things just got too serious too soon. Don’t listen to me I have no idea what I’m talking about.
I would help but I am just to tired to get out of bed today~
Engaged to a WeaselThank you BPB, thank you for the advise. That’s awful what that girl did, I’m sorry. Me and Ryan did hit it off awfully quick and things did go fast. And don’t worry you were helpful. You’re more insightful than you give yourself credit for. Thank you.
Red, I’ve been where you are regarding the relationship thing.
What I did was I talked to my fiancee about my feelings, how I felt about him and how I felt about the other person, he told me if being with the other person would make me happy, then go. I went. 17 years later, I am still with that other person. I made the right choice. My ex-fiancee was right to let me go, shortly after we split up, he met his wife, and as far as I know they are still together too.
Sometimes things don’t work out, you still care about each other, but it isn’t the same as it was and you have to make other decisions and choices. Ryan may be the right person for you, and talking to him about all this may bring you closer and show you how to get back what you had. Or, it may be that he realizes things are changing and is willing to let it happen.
All you can do is hold on, wait until you can talk to him in person, and then start a discussion about your future, together or apart. I hope that it all works out and that everyone comes out of it heart whole and okay with whatever happens.
On the school front, just keep plugging away at your classes and assignments, you will get through. If I could make it through college with a BS degree, you can too.
Kyrin
Thank you Kyrin, I can’t tell you how much this helps. Its just hard to get up the courage to tell Ryan but he does deserve to know. Thank you.
I can’t really offer any advice about the relationship problems, but as for going back to school, well I was scared @@@@@less when I went back and just take things day by day and project by project and I found that helps! 😀
I agree with Kyrin: be open and honest with Ryan. Hopefully, you will be able to communicate and see where you’re both at. It is very important to be with the right person, and you can only figure out if that person is Ryan by talking. Never second-guess someone’s feelings – they may be very good at hiding what they’re really feeling.
I just hope that either way, things work out for you.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI thought I’d update you all on what has happened so far. I’ve told Ryan about everything and he’s going to be home tomorrow. A combination of what’s happened and him just hating where he was at and what he was doing. I’ve been trying not to think about it but its hard.
In current news I’m all moved in in my dorm room and class starts at 8am tomorrow for me. And today, I saw my ex >_< lets just say it did not go so well, even though we parted on alright terms. To put it lightly, he mentioned pushing me down the stairs 0_o
Another part that sucks. He’s my friend’s roommate.Yeah, tell me about it. I can tell its going to be an interesting year. Ryan should be home today around 4:30. I’m a combinationa of happy and scared.
I hope everything turns out the best for you. I also maintained a long distance relationship with my fiance. We eventually married, but it didn’t work out. I then left and soon met my now husband, who strangely enough is also named Ryan.
If you don’t mind me asking, how often did you and Ryan communicate while he was away? Either by email/mail/phone? And did it go both ways evenly?
Edit: Oops, nvm. Just reread “I’m not really looking for help or reassurance…” Question retracted! XD
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