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I’m convinced Alyssa won’t like me because of the relationship that I have with my mom. I already know I’m nothing like her but when that is the only mother daughter relationship you know its kind of hard to picture anything else. I know the first few weeks having her home where hard as far as the crying and trying to get some kind of schedule down. We would take turns staying up with her because she would constantly cry. It was so nice when she started to sleep thru the night. I was surprised I didn’t have any kind of depression since I’ve had problems with it before. I had my doctors visit today and they asked if I was doing ok and if I had any depression which I thought was nice. I didn’t think they would ask about it. I can see where people would have a hard time with a newborn. If I didn’t have Danny here to help me it would have been a whole other story.
You need to distance yourself from you mother and you relationship with her. You have a little miracle in you life now. Do not waste a second thinking about anything else. Danny is still here with you for a reason and now you have the miraculous chance to be the mother yours was not. When you think of how to handle things remember how your mom handled them and do the opposite.
If she does not want to be in your life then you don’t need her. Then when her health starts to fall apart you can get EVEN!!
Remember you need to be nice to your kids because they get to pick the nursing home!! 😈I know what you mean.
I grew up watching shows like Leave it to Beaver and The Brady Bunch. But grew up with a mother like Mommy Dearest and a dad like… fill in the blank 😳I knew neither way was “right”. I have the hardest time feeling horrible when I have to punish the kids. We take stuff away, we rarely spanked. I did have problems yelling, but made a concerted effort to quit and am much happier since.
I made sure I didn’t repeat the cycles like they say happen. My kids are bright, happy, and a bit spoiled. Even though I know they’re happy, I still feel like a horrible mom, so go figure 🙄
Just one of those things I guess.Your girly is going to love you. Just remember what you went through and catch yourself if you start following it.
twindragonsmum wrote:At first it was something I refused to talk about but I finally came to the conclusion that if I could talk about it openly and honestly, I might be able to help prevent some other new mom from doing the unthinkable. I don’t know if I’ve helped anyone to this day, but I will never not talk about it just in case it helps someone else 🙂
twindragonsmum 😀
And that is very important! No one minds talking about having to battle cancer; yet people are afraid to talk about battling mental illnesses. And that’s what depression is: an illness, an imbalance in your body.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmdragonmedley wrote:twindragonsmum wrote:At first it was something I refused to talk about but I finally came to the conclusion that if I could talk about it openly and honestly, I might be able to help prevent some other new mom from doing the unthinkable. I don’t know if I’ve helped anyone to this day, but I will never not talk about it just in case it helps someone else 🙂
twindragonsmum 😀
And that is very important! No one minds talking about having to battle cancer; yet people are afraid to talk about battling mental illnesses. And that’s what depression is: an illness, an imbalance in your body.
Kudos!
YAY YOU I still struggle with panic attacks. Not often and not nearly as bad as 12 years ago, but they happen. The hardest thing for me to do is admit to someone whats going on and ask for help if I need to. I’ve learned to ask, 🙂 it gets me through it sooner, but inside I feel like I’d still rather just hide and cry and pray it’s over soon.
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purpledoggy wrote:So I started to notice when Alyssa falls asleep she always smiles in her dreams. Her doctor calls them “angel smiles” and says she should start to smile while she is awake soon. The other day I was holding her (because she will NOT let me put her down) and she was dozing off and gave me the biggest gummy smile I have ever seen! OMG I started to cry because it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait till she starts to smile while she is awake so I know she actually likes me lol. Danny says she must be dreaming about boobies when she starts to smile in her sleep because thats all she knows lol.
Of course she likes you. You truly love her so she just naturally loves you back 🙂
My husband use to say the same thing Danny does 😆 * * * * * Wait until no one but Mommy works to calm her down!!! 😈 Khym doesn’t mind being held or snuggled by pretty much anyone, including complete and total strangers(yes we try to keep him socialized but I wouldn’t dare anyone to go out of our sight, or more than 10 steps away, with him, and definitely not if the dog’s around, And I have proved I can run faster than the Dalmatian more than a couple of times) however when he wants his Mommy no one else will do and by the gods can he make ears bleed!!! 😯 And those who have a problem with seeing/hearing about Babies/children in distressing situations will probably not be able to watch that “New” War of The World’s movie, my Ex saw it when it first came out and had to leave for a certain point.
But most of all Just Love Alyssa for being Alyssa, take all her little idiosyncrasies and just Love her not who you wish/want her to be. And that’s what will matter most and work best. And I hate to say it but it seems for the most part that’s what your Mom doesn’t do. And that will make more than a Universe in difference. 😀
Just had to add that as Much as he loves his Momma (And seems to have an Oedipus complex 😯 ) Khym also doesn’t want anything to do with his Momma if he knows Snap’s around 😯 😕 😀
Purpledoggy, you and Alyssa are a new slate starting out fresh. She loves you dearly–you really are the center of her universe–and as she gets older she’ll start developing opinions as to what she likes best about you, but she’ll still love you. The emotional ties of a child to his or her parent are extremely strong. In a healthy relationship, they nourish and feed the child as much as food does. And the ties last throughout the child’s life.
If you didn’t still have some emotional attachment for your mother, her cruel ways wouldn’t be causing you pain. You are a kind and giving person, and it’s in your nature to love. She is incapable of love. It’s she who is the diseased one in the relationship, not you. Now you, the healthy one, are starting anew with Alyssa. You and she already share a bond, and it’s going to get stronger with time.
The critical thing is that you focus on love. Your mother failed to give you a good template to follow. It’ll make it harder for you as Alyssa gets older, and goes through the normal but frustrating phases (terrible twos, the why-why-why stage, the hair-raising susceptibility to peer pressures, teenage rebellion) that every child goes through. You’ll have to forge your own path in raising her, but you and Danny are in this together. He can catch you if you start to drift, and be your support during the difficult times. And you know what? Even when Alyssa finds the single most infuriating thing she can do, to date, and you scold her, and she gets mad back, and you’re just ready to snap . . . you and she will still love each other. Remember the love.
Of course she likes you! You’re the world to her right now!!
I’d like to see a pic of her smiling in her sleep…I bet that is adorable!My most wanted list: carnelian mouse wizard, copper patina frog wizard, autumn leaf poads, pumpkin spice kitties
purpledoggy wrote:I’m convinced Alyssa won’t like me because of the relationship that I have with my mom. I already know I’m nothing like her but when that is the only mother daughter relationship you know its kind of hard to picture anything else.
My mother wasn’t physically abusive, but my sister’s situation with her could have left my sister feeling bitter towards her and hating me. But my sister was able to break the trend of how my mother was raised and she made a point of having a better relationship with her own daughter.
You don’t need to worry about becoming your mother. You have Danny to support you and a little angel that loves you. 🙂
Goodness, the angel smiles made me smile. That is so cute! And dreaming of boobies… 😆
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I have to try and get a picture of her smiling in her sleep. Its hard to do because she usually naps on my chest right after a feeding and I can’t get the camera while she is sleeping there.
Just take the camera with you next time, we will not notice the boobie in the picture 😆
Here is the thing that I have figured out: Parenting is journey and you learn everyday. It may sound dumb, but I spend ALOT of time thinking about how I should react in certain situations that may arise with my kids. My parents were always around when I was growing up, but I don’t feel I ever had that “I will love you regardless of what you do” thing. And my teen years were not pleasant, I had major issues with my dad….but all those times did was make ME a better parent. I took all those negative influeances and thought about them and how I could change and be more positive for my kids. I think knowing your own stengths and weaknesses help too. For me a major weakness is yelling. I hated getting yelled at and I know I am quick to resort to it. So quite often, I find myself taking a minute to think before I react.
You know, babies love us. But, I think as a new parent this is the first time we experience ‘unconditional love’ and it’s overwhelming. I remember feeling shocked to my core the first time I KNEW, I mean KNEW that I would kill someone who tried to hurt my son. Those are very powerful feelings. Your daughter and you will be fine. Love her, really love HER, not your idea of what she should be, and you guys will be ok.
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