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Can I stand on a soap box for a moment of your time, please? Since forum members here span all ages, walks of life and situations, I thought I’d ask (I mean beg) for advice on *gasp* LIFE, since I really don’t have an in-person help group I can talk to in my small town and not sure where to go online for something like this either. I’m admittedly desperate at this point and embarrassed to be asking here because I hate whining about my problems when others have/have had it worse, but I do it anyway. Forgive me.
So, a few of you have seen I’ve been having a hard time this year. I know, I know. We all have hard times. Boohoo, get over it and move on. Well, besides the “that’s so sad, too bad you lost your dog, you got sick, you lost your Windstones, your friends are all married with kids, don’t talk to you anymore, and you’re in a fight with family country song” laundry I’ve already aired, I’m also going to be turning 29 next month and I’m having a bit of a “just over a quarter life crisis”. Mentally, I still feel like I’m 18. What am I complaining about now? I’m still young.
Let’s start here. Hold on or wave your hands in the air. The roller coaster ride begins. I graduated college (graphic design degree) almost two years ago and have been unable to find a job (ANY JOB) so I live with my dad, not because I want to be a leech forever, because I have too or else live in my old car. It’s the curse of having a college degree and not having connections after graduating. Now, a couple of rants before I continue about the other things…yes, I’m a millennial. Please don’t lump us all into the lazy, entitled brat group. No, I don’t/didn’t expect the world to be handed to me on a gold platter. My parents didn’t lie to me about life as a child. I didn’t expect to find a job in what I majored in, at least not right away. I’m not afraid of hard work or getting my hands and clothes dirty. I don’t expect to be paid very well and I’m willing to work just about any job right now that’s not fast food/restaurant. Why, are you lazy and entitled like I thought? NO! I already have worked in food for some time before going to college. That’s why I went to college, so wouldn’t have to work in food again! It’s the most soul crushing, thankless job and nothing you can be proud of doing. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone that didn’t deserve it. I am very greatful to my dad for taking me in and it pains me I’m such a financial burden on him. I love my sister but…she, older than me by more than a decade, and her husband seem to think I sit around all day doing nothing constructive despite my protests and my dad’s assurances to her I earn my keep. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and shopping while appling for work. My dad is fine with me not settling for food jobs given he has never worked a food job in his life, only factory jobs, so he’s not judging. My sister and hubby says, “There’s jobs everywhere, just apply.” Yes, I know. I have applied to them and have been rejected. Overqualified and “you don’t have 15 years experience” when I’m only 29, really? As hard as it is to believe, things are not the same or easy as when they were making their way through the world. I’m suppose to do things the same way as my sister did and be successful like her. I wish. We were told our whole lives college will open so many doors and we had to go if we wanted a job. I’m begining to think it was all an evil plot started back in the 80’s and somewhere the people who pushed that narrative are laughing hysterically and rolling in cash. I worked really hard in college, driving 4 hours away for two years, keeping up with my homework and making excellent grades for nothing. Discouraged. No offense to non-millennials. You guys had your own challenges, but technology has made everything so much worse.
Sadly, it took me a lot longer than it should have to get through college. There were major speed bumps, like my mom suddenly dying from a heart attack for example. That set me back because I fell into a hole of depression for awhile. Again, I’m 29 years old with no career and no life to speak of. Having no “significant other” or kids is actually a blessing right now. I couldn’t afford that luxury. I had big plans, they didn’t work out. This is not where I thought I’d be at my age. Hmmm, I’m having a deja vu moment right now. So, make new plans, right? Sure, I’m worried I don’t have much time because my dad is quite up there in age, I was a born late baby, but he’s still working though. He say’s he wants to live and work until I get settled. One can hope. I don’t know how long he’ll hang in there and since everyone I care about is dying lately…I am freaking out. My sister tells me, “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation you’re in. Tough love, sis. That’s life.” Oh, I think I do understand and all too well. I just don’t like to think about it often. It’s unhealthy enough to the point of pulling all the hair off my scalp and then moving on to pulling out all the eyebrow hairs. No, I haven’t done either of those things…yet.
My dad thinks he understands my situation because he hears his co-worker’s kids are in the same boat as I am. They majored in something useful like engineering, have exellent references, skills, a fantastic GPA and still can’t find work. Great. At my age, I’m considered too old by companies because they can’t mold me into something they want. Another problem, a lot of jobs these days are customer service oriented. In person, I’m a shy introvert. I can’t help it. It’s a huge struggle not to be this way, but I try. Potential employers spot this unfavorable quality right away and toss my app in the trash. Thanks for not giving me a chance. Also, I don’t like playing the gender card, but I live in the south and still see quite a bit of discrimination. We like to pretend it’s not there, but it’s there. I’ve been the victim of it, not as far as applying to jobs…if I have, I can’t prove it.
I don’t want to go back to school and accrue more debt because I fear I’ll just be in the same boat afterward with more debt, another useless degree, and no job. There is a vo-tech skills school 15 minutes away I’ve had my eye on though. You can get a skill for $2K or less. I’m not sure what skill I could do as I have no interest in what they offer. However, should I just pick something I don’t like, go for anyway in hopes it’ll pay the bills, and be miserable like 80% of the working world, just like my parents?
Seriously, I’m asking for advice, tips, or any ideas you guys might have. Have you guys been through similar situations and/or more than once? Are you still there or did you find your way out?
I’d like to believe hard work gets you somewhere, but it’s more than that. It’s mostly luck and people you surround yourself with. I’m just now figuring this out. If hard work alone got you somewhere my parents wouldn’t have struggled to make ends meet their whole lives. Sure, the world could end tomorrow and nothing will matter, but I’m relying on “what if it doesn’t and I’m still broke and jobless?” I know I can’t possibly be the only one on this forum in this situation. Thanks in advance to anyone who made it this far into my post and any sugesstions/stories you post. Perhaps posting your advice/stories can help out others on here or people who are just getting started and haven’t made mistakes yet.
My advice? Think (carefully) about opening your own business or go to a vo-tech school and learn a skill. Unless you have connections that can get you a job post college, it’s a waste of time and money. Whatever you want to learn in college, you can teach yourself online if you’re motivated enough. Build a social network of people who can point you in the right direction or get you connected somewhere. Everybody has college degrees now and they’re as useless as the ‘G’ in lasagna. They toss ’em out like dollar bills at a rich guy party. If someone had told me this when I started out, I’d at least not have a student loan to worry about. *Kicks over the soap box*
Have you applied to retail jobs? They suck, and are stressful as hell, but they are easier to land than something in an office. Once you HAVE a job, it’s easier to get hired at a better job. Stupid, but true. I worked during college at the college and saved as much as I could. When I graduated I was desperate to work right away because I needed money. L.A. is expensive as hell. I did a two month film shoot job, which I got through a connection of a connection. I didn’t earn much, but it was money coming in. When that ended I took a job as a sales girl at Macy’s. It sucked, and required a long drive, but I was employed and that made it easier to get a real job. My first REAL job that paid well also sucked, and was soul crushing, but I stayed there for four years, and saved every penny I could. When I finally had enough of a savings to be jobless and still make rent and feed myself, I started looking for something I didn’t hate. I was able to quite the job I hated and move to a job I hated less. It was a nice pay pump that has gotten bigger every year, full benefits, a bonus, a gas card, and my own office. It’s still stressful, but the compensation makes it worth it. I got that job through an agency. Have you signed up with any of them? This one was area specific since it catered to the rich L.A. creative scene, but I’m sure you have temp agencies somewhere around you that specialize in office stuff. It’s boring and stressful, like basically all jobs, but it gets your foot in the door so I company can “try you out.” Office work can be tedious and detail oriented but if you’re smart it’s not hard. You have a graphic design degree so clearly you have some computer skills, and the smarts to finish a degree. I think office work would be easy enough to learn, and if you temp you basically get paid to learn how to do the job. And if they don’t keep you, it doesn’t reflect badly on you, because they may have really JUST needed a temp. From a low level admin job you can hopefully move up to a higher admin level like office manager.
Another thing you might try if you haven’t already is applying to stores with an artistic bent. Frame stores, art stores, etc. I imagine they’d see a graphic design degree as a bonus, and once you start low you can aim to moving up to a supervisory/managerial role. Also, maybe look into an etsy store to make custom designs for people? It costs you nothing to open a store, and you could start earning money by offering custom logos, card design, tattoo designs, etc. You would be dealing with everyone over email so it would be good for your introverted nature, and it could help you build a portfolio of work in hopes of getting more design work.
And lastly, you can always look into things like uber, or apps that let you walk dogs, or task rabbit where you bid on odd jobs people want done. Again, not great money…but some money. And if your dad is covering your rent and food, you can stick as much as possible into savings. Those are just my thoughts. None may help you, but hopefully some of it does.
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DRAGONS: Male CoyoteI hear you. My only saving grace is that I flaked out and didn’t go to college at the last moment (this ended up being one of the best accidental financial decisions of my life). I worked really awful, soul-sucking service/retail jobs for about 6 years, and took artwork commissions at home after I got home from work, so it was like having two jobs. After that, I landed an art job for a few years that was lovely, but ultimately not my own artwork so I wasn’t exactly doing my dream job. In all, it took me about ten years of doing other jobs to get to a point where I was doing the work I wanted to do. It’s still a struggle at times and doing something you love as a career is NOT for everyone. Many people, especially creative people, find that success in their creative field (art, music, writing, etc) actually makes it a chore and they lose the joy they had when it was just a passionate “hobby”. I can’t tell you the number of creative people I’ve talked to that finally had a big success only to find it wasn’t what they expected (which honestly can be worse than just failing!). Some prefer to work “normal” jobs while doing their “dream job” on the side. Others, like me, dive in head-first as soon as they can. I can’t say it’s all good, because it’s quite rocky financially… I’ll probably never be able to retire, and I’m really SOL if I have serious health problems, a huge unexpected bill, or anything else that puts me out of work, because I don’t have the safety net that comes with a good employer. It’s worth it to me, but there are times where I almost want to give up.
I know this is hardly advice, but more of a solidarity thing. Many people in the younger generation are struggling with this very thing.Volunteer mod- I'm here to help! Email me for the best response: nambroth at gmail.com
My art: featherdust.comNo advice to offer but I do have a comment – you write very well and express yourself clearly. This also is a skill!
I have no real advice to offer. I currently work a soul sucking retail job. Most days i really don’t mind it. However, i work my butt off and can take a promotion at anytime to make it a career. My bf works for the same company in a different location and went with the salary life style and i watch it slowly kill him. So, i decided to live a more simplistic life at a lower wage. I recommended just getting your foot in the door somewhere and see what connections you can make. I have friends working for the same company making 100k+ with no degree. I personally think it’s all about who you know that can open doors for you. If it makes you feel better i went to school for Art History and moved to a small town. No jobs unless your willing to drive 2 hours each way. I still owe $10,000 and have been paying off loans for about 5 years… 🙁
I don’t know what your options are, but volunteering is another way to gain experience and make connections. When I was volunteering at a local nature center the coordinator frequently reminded to include our volunteer activities on resumes.
Your situation sounds a lot like mine only I’m 34 rather than 29 and, in my case, I lost my father in college rather than my mother. All I can say is that it’s tough at times. I have two passions: creative writing/character design and working with animals. After getting my bachelor’s degree I couldn’t afford to go on to more advanced schooling for something like veterinary medicine and have been petering away at life.
Somedays it’s a struggle just to get up in the morning. After I graduated I spent forever applying to jobs–any job–just to have income. Most of the minimum wage jobs had no interest in me and the jobs I found most interesting such as chem lab technicians required you to have 1-2 years of experience to get the job. (How does one get the experience to get said job if you can’t actually get the job to get experience?) This cycle led to a lot of depression over the years. Being a leech didn’t help either, especially when my family would rag on me about being useless–which only made me equally more recalcitrant and guilty. I gave up on life for awhile, living in my daydreams, books, and video games. Fake-reality was far better than reality at that point.
A few years later I was able to pull myself together. Eventually I was able to snag a decent part-time job as a custodian. This had its own problems: as a part-timer you get no real benefits and the super early morning hours I worked made me ridiculously exhausted during the day later. My siblings didn’t help the situation either as they would be up til midnight being noisy as all hell breaking loose while I was desperately trying to sleep since I had to be up at 4am. I was still expected to participate in the household as well which meant trying to get a second part-time job was out of the question. And let me tell you, one part-time job doesn’t earn enough annually to cover basic necessities. Health insurance alone is a monster financial burden. So, long story short: I finally managed to get a job that didn’t even allow me to live a normal life, had I not been living at home with family too.
I had that job for four years, trying to supplement my income as best I could with any opportunities that popped up. I quit because of various things but mostly due to the fact my family needs to–and was planning to–move (taxes are just too expensive and we can’t afford to live here anymore) but that’s turned into a failure of a venture as well since what little money we had was needed for emergencies and long-overdue credit card bills. So now we’re quite literally stuck since we can’t afford to move but absolutely NEED to. I keep waiting for the bank to tell us we’re through, forclose our house, kick us out, and all that jazz…
All I can offer you as advice is to tough it out like you have been. Sometimes life is just hard. No explanation, no reason, no logic. It’s not fair that such is the case but there are really only ever two choices you can make: give up or hold on. I firmly believe that if you persevere long enough, things will eventually turn around. Maybe it won’t be immediately noticeable, or perhaps it will start with a tiny thing that ripples into better things, but at some point endurance and effort will pay off.
I’d like to offer my sympathy, though I don’t have any advice. Thanks to my own extreme introversion and eternal depression, I’ve never had a job. The old “it’s not what you know, it’s who” can be very true: my eldest brother was also very “intro” and only got a job at first because an Aunt of ours got him in. He proved he knew what he was doing, and held the job for decades, but he needed someone else to open the door.
Also, I think some people, due to luck, personality, or both, have it easier than they realize. My other brother was interested in computer programming before “personal” was part of the phrase. He just sort of fell into programming jobs back when “laptop” meant that was where the keyboard went because your desk was too small. HE thinks our Mom over-protected me.
So, no advice, but you have my sympathy (for what it’s worth).
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Cat hair -- condiment and fashion accessory!I don’t even know where to start. Not opinions or advice. Just describing my life. My dad was amazing at first, then became an alcoholic and abusive to my whole family. He did molest me, I don’t think he did my brother, but he was extremely verbally abusive to all of us. I’ve been in sales my whole life. Started out at a radio shack/video store then moved to circuit city. A manager at radioshack physically assaulted me and i left to circuit city. I worked there forever and loved it. I made as much parttime as a full time person thanks to commission and it paid my way through college. I have my associate in science degree. I wanted to go into forensics or medical, but didnt as i made alot in sales so far. Now my brain has given up to mental illness and im not sure if i can do my job ive had forever amymore. I love sales, but horrible mean people cause anxiety attacks now. My buffer is gone. And i dont know what to do now or where to even look. Im one of the best sales reps in a very difficult environment. So i have a very hard decision as well. 💛💛💛
I feel so bad for you and others in the same boat.I do hope the future brings better things your way.
As for advice-not sure if this would help anyone but Amber,my daughter,decided to go to college and it was one of her best life choices.She went into drafting/architecture.She hated math in school,was an awful student but low and behold,she gave it a shot and it paid off.She got work within two months after she graduated.First thing she did was keep talking to her professor about work,helping her find a job,making connections, while she was in school.She made herself shine in class and sure enough her prof. had her hooked up in the loop for work and she started getting calls as soon as she had her degree.She now has a job she loves in drafting,working for an architect and soaking up all the information he can teach her.She is now thinking about going back to school for that degree.Very good money and you basically work for yourself.Secondly-the field of drafting,engineering and architectural engineering are hiring and looking for more woman across the country.It is not as tough as it sounds and with all of the computer programs out there to help,not as hard as you would think.This may not grab anybody’s interest here but it is good pay,permanent employment and you never stop learning on the job therefore keeping it interesting.This is a field that is looking for woman and you can never get too much education.Food for thought.Good luck.
Every act matters.No matter how small💞
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Male Hearth....one day🤞Dream on.Thanks for the advice and experiences everyone. It got me to thinking I might try to go back to school in the spring and TRY to find a job in the meantime. I looked over my town’s vo-tech school offerings and one program stood out to me, dental hygienist. I feel I could see myself doing that as a career. My mother was a dental assistant at one time. Teeth, oddly, interest me and having been the victim of braces and a wisdom teeth pulling at one time, haha. My dad and sister are excited about the idea because of the potential it may offer in my future. I already have my associate’s degree so that’s a plus. It is, however, a difficult full-time 2 year program and I’d likely have to add another $10K to my student loan (if I can). My current loan is only $17K. That is a lot already. It’s another big risk, but the path I’m on right now is leading to nowhere and highly unstable, like nitro glycerin unstable. Some have the opinion getting another degree is another financial trap. I have to try something, something new. For some reason losing my dog has given me a bit of enlightenment about another path I need to take in my life. I feel like part of me died, so I have to “grow” a new me. Am a making sense or just rambling? It’s kind of like the transition someone makes when they become a parent, in a way. I don’t want to be like my parents or their parents or their parents, struggling to make ends meet and working hard to make someone else’s life plush and comfortable. The cycle has to end. My sister made it out. I just wish I would have thought of this 2 years ago and got this degree first and then my art degree. Like I mentioned, my dad’s time could be running out. Then again, maybe he’ll live to 102, but I can’t just do nothing until something bad happens. I feel like my life and the people I care about are just falling away life leaves off a tree in autumn. Sometimes people have to start over and work their way up again. In my case, I was never really anywhere. Scooby-Doo, where are you? I’m still young enough to change that. Even better, that kind of job can’t be outsourced or taken over by a machine as far as I know, not completely anyway. I don’t know if it’s a crowded field, but I guess it depends on the area/state you live. I live very close to the Texas border where more opportunities might be after graduating. I used to work at an eatery with an older woman in her 40’s or 50’s. I ran into her the other day at the supermarket, she had finished her nursing degree, and was doing quite well financially, especially considering where she had come from. I’m not giving up on my artsy endeavors. Like Jennifer mentioned, it may become too taxing and I might come to hate art if I chose to pursue it as a full time career. Knowing me, that would be true. I would like to keep that as my hobby, keep it something I enjoy. Maybe my dog, my mom, my grandmother, and my childhood friend will be my guiding spirts to the right path.
Bodine, congrats on your daughter’s success. That’s wonderful! I bet you’re a proud momma. 😉 I could only imagine the pride you must feel to see your child succeed in a big way.
Tig3r06, hang in there hun. I’m so sorry you had/have to go through so much misery. I like to imagine life as a very cruel woman who favors some and kicks down others. The only way to gain her respect, if you’re in her unfavorable camp, is to kung foo fight her back and win, repeatedly if necessary.
pdlucich, thank you. Being an introvert in an extrovert’s world makes life harder than it should be. Most extroverts just don’t understand the emotional and even physical pains introverts deal with. These difficulties lead to other difficulties like bad health and severe depression. In my experience, when I don’t try to talk to a person or crowd, they figure I’m either really ticked off, a stuck up snob, or they assume there’s something wrong with my metal capacity. They avoid me in any assumption. Every time I try to speak I come off like a stuttering, babbling idiot. I’m not of a very low IQ, but to them, I might as well be. If only I could speak like I type. It’s weird. As a child I was an super extrovert and then something changed over time. I think it had a lot to do with the constant bullying I experienced in school. Kids can be so brutally mean. I was told by adults (teachers), not my parents, if I fought back verbally or physically I would be punished and it wasn’t “ladylike”. PLAH!
Rylorien, I’m sorry your in the same boat as me. I hope you’ll find your way out of this awful boat we’re in. Is there any trade schools near you? What did you major in? Oh, don’t get me started on the health insurance thing. It’s a nightmare for sure. I happened to get sick after I lost my coverage, I couldn’t afford the premiums because I live in a state with one of the highest premiums. I took the hefty penalty, which saved money in the long run. Now, I sit here hoping I don’t get seriously ill because that minor illness I had earlier drained my finances quite a bit.
Tinks, I know it’s hard. Try thinking in a different perspective. You have a job, bf and Windstone forum friends. That’s already a lot more than most can hope for, even me. It may not seem like much. As humans, we always want more out of life. It’s true, things can be better and they can also be worse, maybe they were worse at one time. If I remember correctly, you had a hard time very last year? Try not to think of what life could be and thankful for what you have so far. There’s no harm in wanting and striving for more. Go for it, but don’t let wanting consume you. Now, if I could only take my own advice. Hmmm.
Etruscan, haha! No one has ever said I write well or clearly. Thanks! I have no idea what kind of volunteer work I can do in my town. Again, the whole being an introvert thing is a major block and often keeps me from meeting people or experiencing things. It’s not that I don’t want to volunteer. I’m just plain unreasonably scared.
Jennifer, you’re right about doing art full-time. I think it would destroy any enjoyment I get out of it. Congrats on your art though! Not to sound like a groveling peasant, but you’re a inspiration to all us wanna-be artists. Melody too! 😉
Natasha, basic retail jobs are what I’ve been applying too. I don’t understand why I’m being rejected for “open to anyone” minimum wage jobs. I’ve been told by a person to leave my college degree off my resume and apps, but how to I explain the huge gap in my history then? Well, I’m still holding out hope something will come along. I get discouraged when I read stories on the indeed.com forums about how some have been looking for any kind of work for 2 years, they still can’t get hired anywhere, they have college degrees too. What’s the heck! Well, I have a few places to try next week. We’ll see how that goes. You have given me a few ideas I haven’t considered. Thank you.
I’m glad you found your way through “weeds of life”, as I like to call it, and into a good job. It gives me hope it can be done with enough time and effort.
I’m just going to add: one step at a time.
When a lot of things happens, it’s overwhelming. So one thing at a time. You apply for the program, check. You apply for jobs in the meantime, check. Don’t think too much ahead. Enjoy your time with your dad, don’t think about the what-ifs. Look at the positive side things. I know it sounds simplistic and it can be tough as hell, but that’s how I’ve been surviving my father’s illness, helping my mom cope at the time, my daughter’s problems, my mother’s death and now the caregiving for my dad.
As far as volunteering, see if the animal shelter has anything – they sometimes simply need volunteers to drive out to pick up supplies. Same thing for any community gardens, or even the library, where they may need volunteers to put books away. No dealing with the public. The school where you’d be applying would also probably have opportunities, either paid or not. I was a TA when I did my masters, so that may be an option too.
Again, one step at a time…
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmSo it turns out I can’t meet the hurdles for the dental hygienist program.
Hurdle one – Forty hours of shadow work from a reputable dentist before applying to the program. Shadowing must include hands on work, not only observations.
Hurdle two – Two letters of recommendation from professionals in the field.
Hurdle 3 – A competative ACT/SAT score. Yeah, okay.
Hurdle 4 – Of the 160 applicants last year, only 42 were admitted to the program.
Hurdle 5 “the nail in the coffin”- You’re not allowed to work while doing the two year program due to the heavy amount of study and clinics. I can’t NOT work while in school! I’m obviously not from a well-off family.
So, my only other option, if accepted, is nursing school. I don’t like the idea of being a nurse at all. One tiny slip and you could seriously hurt somebody. I’m not a really people person. I hate hospitals and the way they look and smell on the inside. I’ve been in the hospital too much my life and it’s all been a bad experience. Well, duh, it’s a hospital.
However, it seems to be my only option at this point. I guess I will have to evolve and change my attitude about it all. My sister is a nurse and does quite well. There are plenty of job openings and it pays well. It’s a large industry in my town, state, and I guess the whole country. I could be done with a BSN in 2 – 2 1/2 years. We’ll see.
dragonmelody – You’re right. It’s difficult not to get stessed about the what-ifs. They just sneak in there sometimes and freak me out, usually in the middle of the night. Also, it’s too soon after losing my dog for me to volunteer at the animal shelter. I’ll look into it eventually.
Condolences for the loss of your mother and your dad’s health. I know it must be tough dealing with such things.
We know something will come your way.Point is to never give up.Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone is the right thing to do.Never know what opportunities may arise and sweep you off in an unexpected direction.I would never have thought Amber would click in the drafting field but she is now a rising star.She went to school in the beginning for cosmetology,wound up waaay across campus.And yes,this mom is very proud.It is always tough to see your child struggle,makes it all the better when they overcome it all.Never give up,never give up,never,never,never.Good luck dear.
Every act matters.No matter how small💞
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Male Hearth....one day🤞Dream on.I was going to suggest something in the health care fields since those jobs may never be totally filled or run out.
Since Dental Tech/Hygenist and Nursing may be out due to the extensive schooling, what about something still within the field, such as Medical Records or Medical receptionist? Perhaps another option might be a tech such X-ray Tech?The only advise I can suggest is to figure out your strengths and identify potential jobs that interest you and can utilize them.
Good Luck!
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