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eaglefeather831 wrote:
It’s funny though, because you know the saying “actions speak louder than words”? Well, Kc always kisses her, and will smile at her, and talk to her while holding her, but then he would say these horrible things.
You know what? This sounds like one of these cases where a guy just can’t admit he’s head-over-heels happy about being a daddy, especially since he wasn’t too gong-ho about having children. He might be all melting inside at the sight of his baby, but doesn’t want to appear sissy and wants to look tough… if this is the case, then he’s probably ajusting and what you’re doing is perfect.
Hugs!
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmdragonmedley wrote:eaglefeather831 wrote:It’s funny though, because you know the saying “actions speak louder than words”? Well, Kc always kisses her, and will smile at her, and talk to her while holding her, but then he would say these horrible things.
You know what? This sounds like one of these cases where a guy just can’t admit he’s head-over-heels happy about being a daddy, especially since he wasn’t too gong-ho about having children. He might be all melting inside at the sight of his baby, but doesn’t want to appear sissy and wants to look tough… if this is the case, then he’s probably ajusting and what you’re doing is perfect.
Hugs!
I hope you’re right!
Your last comments sound like things will get better. I hope they do for your sake and the baby’s because she needs both a mother and father that love and care for her. Good luck
eaglefeather831 wrote:dragonmedley wrote:eaglefeather831 wrote:It’s funny though, because you know the saying “actions speak louder than words”? Well, Kc always kisses her, and will smile at her, and talk to her while holding her, but then he would say these horrible things.
You know what? This sounds like one of these cases where a guy just can’t admit he’s head-over-heels happy about being a daddy, especially since he wasn’t too gong-ho about having children. He might be all melting inside at the sight of his baby, but doesn’t want to appear sissy and wants to look tough… if this is the case, then he’s probably ajusting and what you’re doing is perfect.
Hugs!
I hope you’re right!
It’s funny someone should bring up the actions speak louder idea. Long ago, and in a galaxy far, far away… Before I married my husband, I dated a guy who was this big rough, tough, macho man’s man type….on the outside. Inside, he was a total mush, although you had to know him to see it. He had this dog that at every step he’d claim he couldn’t stand her, was gonna send her to the pound….and all the while he’s saying this, he’d be feeding her goodies, like bacon, eggs, you name it. So, maybe it IS the same way with KC. And he just didn’t know how much his joking comments were being taken seriously. One hopes, anyway! and yeah, I know a dog and a child aren’t quite the same thing….
you shouldnt have to dare a person not to say rude things about his kids . tell ya what ill strap on my old Doc Martins and give him an old fashioned steel toed intervention … he sounds like my father and i hate him more than any one could imagine
Necron99 wrote:you shouldnt have to dare a person not to say rude things about his kids . tell ya what ill strap on my old Doc Martins and give him an old fashioned steel toed intervention … he sounds like my father and i hate him more than any one could imagine
Don’t be too harsh, Danny. Everyone adjusts to major changes differently. Also, parents of ill children tend to have some major emotional issues regarding their child, mostly because they feel they failed them, especially if the illness is genetic. So while I know you really don’t like your father, part of his animosity towards you wasn’t really directed at you, it was at your illness, just you were unfortunately, the target.
Perhaps now that you are better, you might want to consider re building a relationship with your father, start over. Just something to think about, it’s hard to raise and love someone you know will never see old age, and may die very young, knowing that you might not live to adulthood had to be hard on your parents, and keeping an emotional distance was part of the defense. Not an excuse mind you, but I am sure your parents love you very much and distanced themselves in self defense, knowing they would lose you sooner than later.
Anyway, just some food for thought.
Eaglefeather, I am so happy he is seeing the light and willing to make changes. I hope it all works out.
Kyrin
eaglefeather831 wrote:Ok, well I did tell him how I seriously was hurt by the things he said about Chloe, and that he shouldn’t say those things. Also, I asked him to share his true feelings. I asked him if he really didn’t love/like Chloe, and he said that he really does love her, and that he is sorry for what he said. Then I made a dare for him (he is a sucker for those!) that he couldn’t say anything negative about Chloe all week, and in fact he had to say at least one nice thing about her, and he has to say it to her. He agreed, and so i will hopefully see some true thoughts and feelings come out. He has always had a hard time to express his true feelings.
It’s funny though, because you know the saying “actions speak louder than words”? Well, Kc always kisses her, and will smile at her, and talk to her while holding her, but then he would say these horrible things. So I don’t know what he was thinking when he would say these things.
But I think he really does recognize that what he was doing was hurting me a lot. I think I was pretty good at setting it up so he would think about it all night, and then we talked about it this morning too. I hope this is a good start!Also, he is so wonderful in every other aspect, you wouldn’t even believe, so I had never even considered ending our marriage. I just have a feeling that he is adjusting, but he does need to know that what he says can hurt Chloe and me. I won’t let him hurt us, but that’s where communicating helps, because how can he know it is hurting, if I don’t put my foot down?
Thanks to you all for giving me some advice. I think it gave me the courage to really confront him about it.
To me, it sounds like he’s made some bad judgements with his words. We all say stupid or foolish things at times, and it sounds like that may be the case here. Now that he knows how seriously it has been hurting you, I’d say it will probably stop. His actions say he truly cares, and I think if he’s willing to try..then that’s truly the root of a good marraige, always being willing to try. Keep us posted on how things go.
I hope that he is just one of those guys who doesn’t realize the diffrence between funny and not funny. I know a few guys who say things “jokingly” that I’d like to kick em’ in the rear for. It does sound like maybe he didn’t realize he was being hurtful, and I’m glad that you called him on his behavior. HOWEVER, your Chloe is a beautiful, sweet-looking girl and anyone should be proud to have such a wonderful child in their lives. I hope that he realizes that saying things like that is wrong, and if he doesn’t, plant that foot right in his rear!!
{{HUGS}}I just wanted to say that I’m happy you decided to talk with him and he understands it hurts you and will ultimately hurt the baby if he keeps it up.
Sounds like it’ll start getting better. That’s great for all of you!Don’t worry, daring him to say nice things about Chloe isn’t the solution, I know, but I thought it might be something a counselor might suggest that he do. It was an idea, so I thought I’d try it.
We would talk throughout the day a little bit, and I made sure to tell him that it’s ok to get frusrated about the things Chloe does, it’s just not ok to get frustrated at her because she isn’t crying to spite him or anything. It’s weird because ever since she was born, I have had to convince him not to take her fussing/crying personally because he seemed to think that. He is better with that now, but I still remind him if he looks flustered. He nods his head, and mentally calms himself down.
eaglefeather831 wrote:Don’t worry, daring him to say nice things about Chloe isn’t the solution, I know, but I thought it might be something a counselor might suggest that he do. It was an idea, so I thought I’d try it.
We would talk throughout the day a little bit, and I made sure to tell him that it’s ok to get frusrated about the things Chloe does, it’s just not ok to get frustrated at her because she isn’t crying to spite him or anything. It’s weird because ever since she was born, I have had to convince him not to take her fussing/crying personally because he seemed to think that. He is better with that now, but I still remind him if he looks flustered. He nods his head, and mentally calms himself down.
it really does sound like he’s trying, so that’s definatly good. 🙂
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