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So, I am currently arguing with someone about whether it is better to be noble or selfish. It somehow lead us to the question of whether there is ANYONE in this world who has never been “screwed over” by life (in all forms – other people, natural disasters, job loss, etc) at some point. So…anyone? Have any of you lead a relatively normal, happy existence, with no life-altering, circumstance-changing screw-ups?
Depends on how you define both of those in my opinion.
Ah, we already agreed to disagree on the selfless/noble vs. selfish thing, if you were wanting our definition of those – in that regard, there is no changing her mind, and no changing mine. My only question really is the second part – have any of you made it through life without being [seriously] “screwed over” at some point.
I’d show you guys the conversation, but it’s not rated for general audiences. >_>; Not to mention the odd way she types…
Nope, unfortunately I think getting screwed over is part of life and that learning process of what not to do again. I don’t like getting screwed over so I’m careful–learned my lesson the hard way. And I’ll keep learning…
I believe that opposition (being screwed over) is just part of life, else how would you know good things from bad? There are always opposites – job, no job, kids, no kids, wealth, penniless… I think that what matters is how you respond to the situation and I think that it helps us to become stronger people. There was a piece of stitchery at my grandma’s house that said “If all of our problems were hung on a line, you’d take yours and I’d take mine.” I really do not like the opposites of good health at the moment… but I’m sure I’ll survive at least (don’t know about the rest of the family 😉 ) Does any of this help?
twindragonsmum 🙂
tdm
I can’t say life screwed me over; I’ve had a pretty awesome life so far! I did get laid off, but found a job two months later, and it turned out to be something better for me, so I can’t consider it being screwed over. It wasn’t life-altering, that’s for sure – no need to sell the house or move.
My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2010 (he’s now 64), and that’s been completely life-altering for my mom, but not that much for me in itself. Internally, yes. But my life is going on pretty much the same, though I spend more time with my parents than I used to in order to relieve my mom.
Does that qualify/disqualify me?
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/mybooks.htm
I host the feedback lists, which are maintained by drag0nfeathers.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI believe that opposition (being screwed over) is just part of life, else how would you know good things from bad? There are always opposites – job, no job, kids, no kids, wealth, penniless… I think that what matters is how you respond to the situation and I think that it helps us to become stronger people. There was a piece of stitchery at my grandma’s house that said “If all of our problems were hung on a line, you’d take yours and I’d take mine.” I really do not like the opposites of good health at the moment… but I’m sure I’ll survive at least (don’t know about the rest of the family 😉 ) Does any of this help?
twindragonsmum 🙂
This is pretty much my philosophy.
Take what comes…and how you deal with it, and how it affects your treatment of others defines who you are as a person. If a person lets their trials and struggles cause them to harm or treat others harshly….or whether they cope with dignity and use what they’ve gone through to help others…either by gaining more compassion, or helping others in the same situation, can define how we move through life, and how we’re remembered.
I can’t say life screwed me over; I’ve had a pretty awesome life so far! I did get laid off, but found a job two months later, and it turned out to be something better for me, so I can’t consider it being screwed over. It wasn’t life-altering, that’s for sure – no need to sell the house or move.
My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2010 (he’s now 64), and that’s been completely life-altering for my mom, but not that much for me in itself. Internally, yes. But my life is going on pretty much the same, though I spend more time with my parents than I used to in order to relieve my mom.
Does that qualify/disqualify me?
Haha, I don’t know. XD I’d ask her, but she’s not online right now. She thinks that *everyone* gets ‘screwed over by life’ at some point, and I told her I was sure there is at least ONE person out there who did not feel that life had ever ‘screwed them over’. I acknowledge that facing difficult situations is just part of most people’s lives, but I’m sure there are people out there who live a blessed existence. However, she is a very…hmm…negative sort of person. She thinks she is just realistic, but she’s so “realistic” that imo, it’s crossed the line into just plain negativity/cynicism in some ways.
She’s also the one who thought that being selfish was the better choice – to her, choosing the path that benefits her/is what she wants to do is the correct decision…no matter who it hurts. I asked her if the notion that perhaps she might ‘screw over’, say, ten other people with some selfish decision she might make held no weight in her mind, and she said – “Everyone gets [screwed over] by life at some point, so what difference does it make?”
So mostly I’m just like >_>; @ her right now.
I believe that opposition (being screwed over) is just part of life, else how would you know good things from bad? There are always opposites – job, no job, kids, no kids, wealth, penniless… I think that what matters is how you respond to the situation and I think that it helps us to become stronger people. There was a piece of stitchery at my grandma’s house that said “If all of our problems were hung on a line, you’d take yours and I’d take mine.” I really do not like the opposites of good health at the moment… but I’m sure I’ll survive at least (don’t know about the rest of the family 😉 ) Does any of this help?
twindragonsmum 🙂
This is pretty much my philosophy.
Take what comes…and how you deal with it, and how it affects your treatment of others defines who you are as a person. If a person lets their trials and struggles cause them to harm or treat others harshly….or whether they cope with dignity and use what they’ve gone through to help others…either by gaining more compassion, or helping others in the same situation, can define how we move through life, and how we’re remembered.
This is what I agree with. The more I focus my thoughts on staying positive and accepting “getting screwed over” as a learning experience, the more I find that those thoughts are transformative and life starts going better for me.
It works negatively too. The more depressed I get and focus on how sh***y the world is, the worse life seems to get.
It’s not easy focusing on the positive and trying to find the good in what seems to be life kicking you down. It IS rewarding though.
Choosing to serve only yourself is not necessarily evil, and you can live a happy life serving just yourself….but I think that it is not nearly as easy (or maybe even impossible) to find true life fulfillment by pursuing a selfish path.
She thinks that *everyone* gets ‘screwed over by life’ at some point, and I told her I was sure there is at least ONE person out there who did not feel that life had ever ‘screwed them over’. I acknowledge that facing difficult situations is just part of most people’s lives, but I’m sure there are people out there who live a blessed existence. However, she is a very…hmm…negative sort of person. She thinks she is just realistic, but she’s so “realistic” that imo, it’s crossed the line into just plain negativity/cynicism in some ways.
She’s also the one who thought that being selfish was the better choice – to her, choosing the path that benefits her/is what she wants to do is the correct decision…no matter who it hurts. I asked her if the notion that perhaps she might ‘screw over’, say, ten other people with some selfish decision she might make held no weight in her mind, and she said – “Everyone gets [screwed over] by life at some point, so what difference does it make?”
I’d say that as a general rule, we take the path that benefits us. Usually, when something happens, the first thing we think is:
“How will that affect me?”
If it doesn’t, then we think, “but so and so will be devastated.”Usually.
Some people just find negative in everything – and to me who likes to find the funny side of things no matter what, that gets old real fast. Maybe stuff did happen to them, maybe they witnessed it in someone else, who knows. I have a lot of empathy, but their negativity blocks it, so I just can’t understand them.
You do have to be selfish at some point; it’s your life, right? Some people decide not to have children and are told that they’re selfish. What if you know you can’t offer a child a good life? That’s just an example, but this is to show there are different levels of selfishness.
Where I work, we get a lot of food samples. Very often, I see people leaving with 4 bags of chips in each hand, and when I get to the kitchen, surprise, surprise, no chips left. Did they need 8 bags of chips? No. Maybe they were taking some for other colleagues, maybe they were taking them all for themselves; in the end, it sucks because there are none left for the rest – one bag would be enough, no? That’s another type selfishness, one that doesn’t bring you anything more (really, chips? How much do they cost?), but screws others over.
This is where you draw the line, I think. Are you being selfish because you need to be for your own good, or are you being selfish because you’re a “me” person?
Bearing in mind, of course, that a “me” person won’t have a clue what I’m talking about…
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/mybooks.htm
I host the feedback lists, which are maintained by drag0nfeathers.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmBearing in mind, of course, that a “me” person won’t have a clue what I’m talking about…
This.
It doesn’t matter how you try to reason with someone like that, they don’t get it…have had that problem and sounds like Kitsunelady is having that problem.
Bearing in mind, of course, that a “me” person won’t have a clue what I’m talking about…
This.
It doesn’t matter how you try to reason with someone like that, they don’t get it…have had that problem and sounds like Kitsunelady is having that problem.
Indeed. XD I’m not sure I would call her a ‘problem’, of course…she IS my friend, no matter how crazy I think some of the stuff she says is! Fortunately, we’re both able to accept that not everyone is going to share the same thoughts/values about everything, but we do like to argue, lol.
I Think it all has to do with your perspective.
Here’s my life. I got type one Diabetes at age 16. I am insulin dependent. I wear an insulin pump because without insulin I would die. When I was 18 my dad died suddenly and I am an only child looking after my mom. I am 25 now. My mom is 67.
My fiance has 2 kids. The Ex wife is crazy. She trys to ruin everything. Money is tight.Am I screwed over? I don’t think so. I think of my self as strong, secure, and happy person from what I have been through and going through. With out these instances in my life I would not be who I am today.
“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” -Joseph Campbell
It is all a matter of perspective. Some might say I am screwed over. How I see it? Nope I am not screwed over at all.
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