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Just wanted to say a few things. Most of it will probably be senseless drabble about my life and crap. It may not even make sense and it’s probably not interesting in the least.
Besides the issues I’ve been having (my dog, my ferret…) I haven’t been doing very well. Like, all around.
I feel like I’m falling out of windstones. I still love mine, but I find myself not even browsing them on ebay or the store anymore. Maybe this is because I know I can’t buy any… but I don’t feel any care about it either. I don’t know if anyone of you have felt this way, but it feels like if I never get another one again that I’d be okay with that. Part of that last statement is a lie, because I need the BG riser to complete my BG collection… but now that he’s had his color changed, I know I’ll have a harder time finding him.
Also, the one manga I’ve been searching for since the 90’s… has suddenly appeared. But it’s in Japan, and thus the shipping is pricey. I’d honestly rather spend money on the manga than windstones right now. I even debated selling some windstones to pay for this manga. THAT’S how much I want it. I just hope the seller will keep them up till I can afford them.Since even before 2011, I’ve been struggling each month to pay my bills. I CANNOT believe I have managed, somehow, to pay my bills each month on time. It’s still like this… each month is a struggle. May and this month have been the only months that I haven’t stressed about bills. This month I spent almost 3 weeks at two client’s houses… so I made enough for this months bills. 3 weeks you’d think I’d make a crap ton of money, but really I only made a little over $300. Some people make that in just a couple days. Next month I will be living in a clients house for a solid three weeks. This client doesn’t have the internet, so I’ll be even more scarce.
Because of my money problems, and of course my recent vet bill, I started donating plasma. Something I wanted to start doing months ago but never did. I’ve only done it twice so far, just started it all last week, and I’m going back again on Thursday. Things money wise are looking okay for me, just because of this. Just an hour or two of my time twice a week is all that’s needed. I was watching something (perhaps The Killing, I don’t remember) and someone said “You look like you donate plasma for a living”. Lol. Now I kind of do.
But this has made me optimistic in a way. Thanks to you forum members that helped me, I know I can pay off this recent huge vet bill without a penalty. THANK YOU. You guys don’t know how much I appreciate you. Even though I’m not very social, you all have been there for me when needed… it really means a lot to me, to have people that care as much as you guys do.I’m also just very lackluster lately. I know it’s because of my untreated depression. Something I’ve dealt with since my teens. It just seems to be more so recently. It always seems to be intensified when I don’t have much to do. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I haven’t even played a video game in months… save for one Japanese import I bought last month. But it’s just a fighter/story game. Video games use to be my life… and I can kind of tell when my body is being hit harder by the depression because I don’t play them.
And no, I can’t go to a doctor. I don’t have insurance. I also would need to go to the eye doctor… I’ve needed glasses or what have you since 8th grade. I can’t focus on things far away… and if I had a choice, I’d do the eyes before the depression.I’m not happy where I live. I like it, yes, but I hate it at the same time. I’d move back to Washington state tomorrow if I could. I spend a lot my “depression” time and time at client’s houses using google maps to street view places like Washington and Japan. I don’t think I could explain how boring and plain my life really is. I wish I was in the center of a busy city, not on the outskirts of a sleepy small town.
I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but I’ve been pretty vacant from the forum. I don’t post as often as I use to. This may be due to the whole “falling out” thing. But if anyone ever needs to contact me, you can always PM or email me. I honestly come here often, but it’s… different. I don’t really read anything at all. I may read a thread or two and then that’s it. It’s like I come here wanting to read everything, and then just fall right out of it before I even start. And the things I do read I don’t always comment on.
I’m sorry for all this senseless crap. Sorry for any typos.
Hope everyone out there is doing better than I am!
*hugs*
I know that personally, I go through phases of interest. I’ll get really focused on something, like Windstones or art or reading or a TV show, obsess over it for a time, and then get bored with it. There’s always a time where I’m bored when one of my obsessions fades, and during that time I do get a little depressed, until I find something else to keep me busy. Keeping busy is key, for me. If I don’t, I just wander around doing nothing, and then feel guilty for doing nothing, and then get irritated with myself, and then get a little depressed. 😛 I’m always looking for new hobbies and things to keep me occupied, be it drawing, painting, reading, watching a new show, building something, knitting, learning to sew…something to do with my hands and my mind so I’m not spending all day browsing the internet. I need something tangible to do, so I feel accomplished and get that sense of self-worth.
I teach, so the school year is incredibly busy, and then the summer is a sudden halt of all that activity. When I don’t keep my momentum up by doing things, summers can be a hard time for me. This summer, thankfully, I’ve had projects to keep me occupied, so I’ve kept my spirits up. But I know at least a little bit of what you’re going through. I don’t have clinical depression, but my one of my family members does, so I know a little bit about how that can affect a person.
I’m very glad you were able to pay off your vet bills, and that you have work – that’s a plus! Money stress is one of the worst stresses you can have. I do agree that maybe you’re less interested in Windstones because you can’t get anything – I know when I couldn’t afford anything, I avoided the store and the forum, because you can’t want what you don’t know about! 😛
So…that’s my late night ramblings! *lots of hugs*
Honestly, I’ve been feeling the same thing with the Windstones. I have them, but don’t really want more (not that I could afford them, anyway). Same with the forum. While I do post, I usually only go into the community forum, and check out the first page: anything past that escapes my notice.
Then again, I’ve been getting all isolationist lately in more then one aspect, so this is no different, in my opinion.
And yes, money stress is the worst kind… I wish I didn’t have it, either. Somehow I don’t think $17/hour is going to pay all of mine and my future hubby’s bills once he looses his teaching job (which he will, and is unlikely to get another).
I’m very sorry you’ve had a rough time of it! I wish I could help. ((hugs))
Depression is nasty . I’ve dealt with it for years . I’ve been selling some of my Windstones . I just lost interest in dragons . I never had that many but I just didn’t want to collect them any more . They are gone . I’m still trying to get rid of more .
It’s like they … no longer excite me the way they use to .
I’ve been sewing creatures and they come out so cute that I just love them . They make me happy .
Part of my losing some interest in Windstones is bidding wars and getting your heart set on something and have it go to someone else .
Thats depressing .Well whatever you choose to do you have friends here who understand .
Big Hugs 🙂
Just know you are not alone, I too have found myself drifting away from Windstones, I love the ones I have… But I too do not look at them on e-bay as much as I once did… I dont come on the forum as much as I did…. or for that matter post….. In effect Ive turned into a lurker… I think some of it has been due to the new site… It just never grew on me!
Try to focus on the positive in everything you can…
Do you have any hobbys? Something that you can take up or do at your clients house.. that helps your sanity and passes the time?I know this sounds silly… but I really enjoy painting and coloring…and it really helps my stress…and depression.
Hang in there 🙂
Hugs
Dawn
Kalandra
BIG, BIG hugs.
With everything you have been dealing with lately, it’s no surprise that you are despressed. Join the club–you have plenty of company here.
I haven’t been on the forum much either and I worry about funds as well. I’ve had a break and some funds are here but there are not near of what I was getting when I was working. A double edged sword–I’m glad not to be in such a negative environment anymore but I miss the money.
I haven’t bought as many Windstones either because of lack of funds. I love my Windstones and even have considered giving up some of them to get some money in. My life isn’t exciting either–don’t do much and really don’t want to do much.
Don’t ever think you’re just rambling on–when we feel very low we just want to get it out and a lot of times it doesn’t even make sense. I really feel for you because I feel the same way. I love my Windstones and I love this forum, but I just don’t visit it or post as much as I used to.
A lot of us are having a hard time and can relate to what you’re going through. Even though you haven’t been on as much this forum is always here for you.
Oh, yes, I did notice you don’t post as much, because when you do, I’m like, hey, here he is!
I’m lucky: I have a stable (and totally awesome) job, a house… things are good for us, but I don’t buy a lot – most of the things on ebay are not the pieces I would collect in the first place, and I have to justify spending so much money. I don’t post as much, because I simply don’t get the type of responses I used to get. So as far as you intested waning, don’t worry too much about it. It comes and goes.
However, as to your depression, you should do all that you can to keep it at bay. You mentioned not liking to paint while living at a client’s house. Why not? PYO are small enough pieces. I find it easy to protect any area where I’m working. You’re really good at painting, you should try to continue. Even your art in general – that’s an easily portable hobby.
So do come here when you can to share and get support – monetary or otherwise. We are there, we’ll try to help any way we can.
Huge hugs!
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/mybooks.htm
I host the feedback lists, which are maintained by drag0nfeathers.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmKeeping busy is key, for me. If I don’t, I just wander around doing nothing, and then feel guilty for doing nothing, and then get irritated with myself, and then get a little depressed.
This goes for me as well. Back when I was in college, I also had two jobs. I never had time to think about things, and my depression rarely reared itself. But now I have more time than I would ever need. Where I live doesn’t help with this either. Sleepy town that has no sort of activities… if you want to do something you have to drive 30 minutes away or more. And even if there was something to do, like taking a walk or bike ride, the heat and sun keeps me from even leaving the house. Just going to the post office is a chore. Thankfully my post office is open 24/7, but if I need to ship something out of the states, then I have to go during the day.
Do you have any hobbys? Something that you can take up or do at your clients house.. that helps your sanity and passes the time?
I can honestly say that I do not. This is another thing that creates problems. I use to like to do things, but over the years any activities I did like just dropped off. I’ve tried to pick things up, but they never stick.
Sometimes I see something and think “I’d like to do that” but then instantly know that it will never go anywhere, so why bother trying.You mentioned not liking to paint while living at a client’s house. Why not? PYO are small enough pieces. I find it easy to protect any area where I’m working. You’re really good at painting, you should try to continue. Even your art in general – that’s an easily portable hobby.
Some of the animals I sit for are all over the place. I woke up at a house once and found my vitamins for the week all over the ground. Now thinking if that was a statue :S
Some people have wonderfully trained animals, others have never heard the word “no” in their lives. I have a client that has six dogs. All large breed except for one. They are all very well trained and I love being around them. I have another client that had two dogs that have never been trained. Can’t even walk on a leash, and just those two dogs make me hate my life sometimes.
The idea of having paint sitting around, and worse, the statue, without having a “safe” place to put it isn’t a good feeling for me. I also don’t want to have the possibility of an animal eating paint or something.
I’ve taken my 2d art to clients houses a few times. Problem is I just don’t like drawing. I’ve recently had an explosion of inspiration with two old characters, but I still don’t like doing it… so it takes longer than one would think for me to finish a picture. And sometimes I just sit there and stare at the picture and wonder why I’m doing it in the first place.I totally understand where you are, but unfortunetly, I have no real good advice. I haven’t even been able to figure things out for myself. The past year, my interest in everything I used to love from, hobbies, to friends, to crafts has vanished. I have a stable job, that mostly pays the bills, but my heart’s gone out of the job due to issues there. And when I had money troubles at the beginning of the year, I had sell around half my windstones, and dolls. Ikn order to not feel so bad about it, had to break emotional ties to those hobbbies. But now that we’re okay again, the ties haven’t come back, and the threat of another disaster seems to always loom. My depression is treated, but that doesn’t make it feel any better, and recently losses have been devastating to my family.
The few things that my therapist and I have come up with is that with depression you have to try and accept it, like any other illness, cause fighting it takes too much energy? Sometimes this helps, sometimes not. And to keep busy and keep trying. Every day is different and you never know what day will be the one that you “wake: back up to interest again. I only say, don’t give up, and don’t lose sight that each day might be the next greaat day. My brother in law couldn’t see this and he killed himself in April. We didn’t even see it coming. But there are LOTS of local groups, lie your local health deparment that offer free or reduced cost counselling. If the despair becomes overwheling, I beg gthat you look into them, and find help, and don’t give up!!!!
Keeper of the Fledgings
Kujacker, I read your post, and I’d like to say ‘thank you’. I can relate in many aspects. Personal (all goes to money really, barely making it) and job-hating issues have exacerbated the depression I’ve dealt with since childhood. That kind of takes the luster out of anything in life. Feels like I’ll never get to a good place. Dislike where I live, both area and the actual place, but there’s nothing that can be done about it. Can’t afford to give up my job, they are too scarce- even these minimum wage ones. And can’t find a place to live somewhere better with no money, no chance of folk like me getting a loan and it would take a good 6 months’ unspent income at least to get in the door. The depression makes the OCD stuff stronger; between lack of spending money, no computer time, the new forum (I have a hard time with computer stuff) and feeling a bit stung selling (though it’s my own fault) I’m backed off on Windstones right now. Still love mine, been ‘forbidden’ to sell them, but I can’t enjoy them- have to keep them boxed up and put away or they’ll be broken. Know where I could get 2 of the pieces i’d like, but can’t afford it. Don’t feel like painting between no creative drive and feeling wary. Camera was stolen anyhow. Most of the new stuff hasn’t really appealed. I know the love will come back, but it’s not there now.
Sorry to be a bummer, just you helped me feel a little less alone and thank you for that.
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