I haven’t worked out the dialogue on this page very well. I think the dialogue in the middle part is too rushed. What’s here is just place holders for better writing, if I can ever do that. In panel 6, it is just the cliche’ statement that military leaders always make when pissed off by the enemy. “the only thing those dogs will ever understand is violence”. I was hoping I could pull that off better. Oh well.
The Veligent – page 103
Oh no – I hope Ayonah is nearby to tell Serence to back off!
In panel 7 I know Kade is speaking as people often do, but I think it should be either “a veligent who has experienced … himself” or “veligents who have experienced … themselves”.
Oh yeah, got my plurals and singulars scrambled again… I’ll fix it tonight.
Also, panel 2 – add an “a” between is and very? “This is a very special …”
Panel 5 – “We would have had” (not “We would of had”), or it can be “We would’ve …”.
I think I should also change ” the only thing they will listen to” to “The only thing they will understand”.
Gah, right.
“Would of- would have” “loose – lose” -and what’s the other one… “C’mon”
I’ll never learn.
That’s OK – you spell a lot better than I do art! You’re telling a story and creating a world at the same time, so you have to expect a few hiccups along the way. 🙂
The way I work: I spend a marathon weekend on a page, like over twenty hours on it. By the time I am putting in the words, I am REALLY tired!
I reeeally appreciate your help in catching mistakes.
Re: panel 7 – Is the dialogue better if you reverse the sentence order? Something like “Captain [or whoever], prepare for a counter attack. We have tried to reason with those monsters long enough.”
Yeah, that sounds more macho, but Serence isn’t ordering an attack quite yet.
However, he has now convinced himself that there are no other options.
Serence IS wise enough to wait until his anger cools down a little, first.
Good luck with that.
*facepalm
I just realized where ‘vel’ in ‘veligent’ comes from!