Choices

I always tell my kids the only thing you can control in life is how you react in a situation. You can’t keep bad things from happening or always have what you want, but you can always decide how to respond to it.

It can be very hard to choose happiness and kindness (heaven only knows I don’t even manage it half the time!), but I think I agree with your mom.

I agree in a way. I believe if we always let circumstances control our attitudes, life will be a lot more sucky. It’s not possible to always be happy about what’s happening, but it’s still possible to have a good attitude and not focus on the negatives, no matter how bad they may be. It can be difficult to teach yourself to do this but overtime it’s possible to be more that way. And as a Christian I rely quite a bit on my beliefs and the “joy” that that brings- I think joy is something different from simple happiness, more of an underlying thing that gives you peace. It’s easy to get emotional over ridiculous things sometimes and I’ve been trying to just remind myself what’s really important.

As for getting offended, I think to an extent a person can’t help that- some people have really sensitive personalities (I’m this way myself to a degree). For these people it can be easy to take many things personally and dwell on them a bit too much, causing anger or sadness. Even if a person tries to not be “offended,” and realizes that what other people say shouldn’t offend them, sometimes it is still their natural reaction to have those feelings.
However, while I think it may be difficult for some to stop themselves from having that immediate reaction of feeling offended by things, they can teach themselves not to dwell on it so much and bring the attitude factor into play again, controlling their reaction.

So, I do think your mom is right although it’s really not black and white. Some people can’t easily just go “Oh I’m not going to be offended” or “Oh I’m not going to let life get me down” and then have it be so. Most or all of us probably struggle with both at some point.

Beckums, your Mom is a very wise person. I too am going thru bunches of things, not all good. 😉 How I choose to react to situtations is on me. I deal with many negative people and situtatons every day. ( I go into work and have to clean up poop all over the restroom) or deal with folks who aren’t happy with anything you try to do, or people who…ah -hem don’t do their jobs and can’t understand why you might be angry because you go twice to a place to make things right and they still screw it up. (Ladyfirebird knows this one as well) 😉 How you deal with all the b*llsh*t is really up to you. Sometimes it’s very difficult, but a smile on the outside helps to keep that smile on the inside. (remember oral reports? everyone naked?) same thing. You actually can CHOOSE to be happy even if no one else is. Did that make any sense?

And um….some of us still need your phone #. Loveses you.

I think your Mother is correct.I believe it is all a choice.I have had some truly horrific times in my life starting at a very early age in life and many times I have to ask myself what had I done in the scheme of things for the world to be kicking my butt so much but through it all I have come to realize that life is what it is and we have to make the best of it everyday Things happen,no doubt,but it is up to us in how we handle it.We must choose to smile and be strong through the trials of life or we won’t make it.You get in a dark place,you must choose to bring the Sunshine back.Lift your heart.When you lose a loved one,you must choose to go on,remember the good times with them and to keep them alive in your heart or all will fade.Life is choices,everyday, and I think the most important one is to realize you are a very wonderful lady,you are fortunate to have life therefore make it as good as possible.If you choose to be sad by your thoughts and actions,you will be.If you choose to be happy,despite all the griefs of this world then NOTHING can keep you down.Greet each day like it is the most magnificent day you were ever going to live and guess what,it will happen.Positive thinking brings positive results.HUGZ TDM.You will be just fine.Hold your chin up and embrace the Sunshine.It will put a smile on your face and by making this an everyday habit,low and behold,you will find it is your everyday life.Retrain your brain. :love:

I actually wrote a comment for this thread a few days ago but deleted it because it was so depressing. However, TDM, since your brought it up…
Sometimes happiness is NOT a choice; sometimes it is a symptom of a chemical imbalance in the brain. I suffer from chronic deparession and the most that the drugs do for me is negate the blackest moods. I am very rarely happy and live with a constant background sense of anxiety and greyness. My doctors and I have tried adjusting meds (types and quantities) for 35 years. Exercise and diet changes made no difference. I have tried choosing happiness and for me it doesn’t work; the most I manage to do is put on a happy face for the people that have to deal with me. If I didn’t, no one would be able to put up with my moaning and groaning. That said, let me assure everyone that my situation is NOT the source of my depression; I am very lucky in many aspects of my life (I have friends and family that care for me, a roof over my head, heat in the winter and food on the table as well as a houseful of pets and, in the last year, multiple beautiful and whimesical Windstones on my shelves). I am not suicidal, just bland, I thing I will go take a nap so I can face the reat of the day.

Very few things are so black and white. I think that you can make some choices about how you react to things and how you feel. But only some of them, and it only goes so far.

And as somebody who suffers from depression, that saying is pretty damn horrible to hear when you’re depressed. I wish more people understood that. It doesn’t really matter how true it may be for some people in some circumstances, it’s not true for everyone in all circumstances, and the sheer ignorance of assuming that because you’re able to be happy every other person is able to be happy… well, I know that people who haven’t experienced depression can never fully understand, but that reminds me of this: http://imgur.com/CWFTYoV

That’s what it’s like, when you’re depressed and people start saying things like “happiness is a choice” and “why can’t you just get over it?” and so on. You’re sitting there bleeding, and they’re not offering bandages, they’re just standing around telling you that *they* aren’t bleeding, so why can’t you just stop bleeding too?

I also think that yes, some people do choose to be offended when they don’t have to be, but some things are really, genuinely offensive and frankly if you’re not offended by them then something may be wrong with you. When someone says something hateful, bigoted, racist, sexist, or cruel, that is offensive and it *should* be offensive and decent people should stand up and say that it is offensive.

I want to phrase this right…

Depression is an illness, and very often, it’s chronic. Just like people who have bad heart problems, cancer, etc., it’s something that needs to be treated. You can still be happy even if you suffer from depression; it’ll just be different from the happiness someone who is not depressed will experience.

Happiness is in the eye of the beholder, really.

TDM, if you find a spark in your grayness, then hang on to it. To someone else, that spark might be meaningless, but to you, it lights the room so much, you need shades 🙂

Happiness is what you choose it to be. You can’t go by someone else’s definition; the people who do tend to be the ones who are miserable because they just don’t have that thing that should make them happy. You have some very sick people who light up the rooms they enter and healthy people who make your mood go sour as soon as you see them.

Illness does make things harder, whether it’s your own or someone else’s close to you. From what I’ve read here, people find ways to cope, to live with it. It’s really hard, but you do find something to light up your day, even if it’s an hour at a time. Can that be construed as bits of happiness?