Sad, but relieved

Yesterday, unexpectedly, I was finally allowed to do something that has needed to be done for half a year now. I took the lovable oaf of a black lab we have had since I was 11 years old to the vet and let them help him out of this world. It was so hard, but God, how it needed to be done.

Maxx was almost 12 years old, and diabetic. By this point the diabetes had rendered him completely blind and mostly deaf. He had a constant ear infection that wouldn’t clear up. He was developing arthritis in his back legs. The diabetes had caused neuropathy in all of his paws, so he could hardly feel where he was walking. It was spreading into his organs and in the past month or so he had started losing control of his bladder and bowels. Since he went blind in 2006 we have never moved the furniture and he used to be able to get around perfectly without his vision, but lately he would be crashing into things headfirst and wandering in circles in the backyard.

Maxx was mostly my step-dad’s dog, and he refused to consider putting him to sleep. But a few days ago the poor boy went off his food and could barely get up off his doggy bed. It was a yo-yo battle with how much food we could get him to eat to balance how much insulin would keep him from crashing. We finally had a family meeting and laid it on the line with the step-dad, about how he was keeping this going because he would be sad that his dog was gone, and not thinking about what was best for Maxx at all. Yesterday he finally agreed.

I was the one to actually go into the exam room and hold Maxx while they gave him the shot. He’s always hated the vet’s, so he was upset, but almost immediately when they began he sat down in my lap and fell asleep. It was very peaceful. Now he’s not hurting anymore. So I’m still very sad that I lost a dear friend, but I am so happy that his suffering is finally over. We’re going to have him cremated, something we’ve not done with a pet before. I’m paying for most of it, since the step-dad has been unemployed for over a year. With the vet fee it came to almost $200. So I might wind up offering a few more pieces up for sale soon.

*deep breath* With that, I am going to blow my nose one more time and be completely happy for my buddy Maxx. Thank you all for listening, it really helped to lay it all out like that.

Thanks, everyone.

It’s so strange. We’ve had him since I was in middle school, and now here I am a senior in college and… no Maxx. There is a doggy shaped hole in my immediate surroundings 🙁