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Well, this has been bugging me for quite some time, and I need to know if I am the only one who thinks like this. The bottom line is that I think of death often enough to where I believe that I think about it way too much. My biggest fear is that I will die at a young age (I am 23 right now), and that it will be a painful death. I seem to worry about blood clots often and injuries to the head-I don’t know why. I will visualize bullets going in my head, or pointed things going in my head. I will look down at my toes and think that one day I will have one of those tags on my big toe. I start to get emotional when I think about leaving this life behind, especially my family.
Just the other day, I couldn’t get to sleep because I felt a dull pain in my leg, and I was afraid that it was a blood clot that was going to make it’s way to my heart-and then I wondered if it would be painful. *sigh*
I don’t know if this is normal, and so I need some input on whether or not I am the only one. I haven’t had a lot of death in my family, but my family has been affected by it twice.
I don’t believe that I am afraid as to where my soul is going after death (for those curious, I believe that I am going to heaven through Jesus Christ)*no debates or arguments please* 🙂 But I still have a lingering fear as to whether or not I will get to heaven.
Counseling could help me on this one, but until I get a job, I wont be able to go.Well, you’re not alone in that one.
Although I don’t picture things going through my head… often I envision car accidents. Or I envision someone I love dying. Probably not normal, I try to distract myself when I start thinking about stuff like that, usually by coming on the forum or petting my cat, or giving Colin spontaneous hugs.
*hugs* sometimes it’s better knowing you’re not the only one, right? And I’m 22 myself so I’m not elderly to the point where death is imminent or anything.
You’re definitely not alone. I’m 28 and often get depressed thinking about death. I worry about accidents, and about growing older and losing loved ones. It tends to hit me the worst when I lie down to go to sleep…my mind will start to race.
Personally, things like calming meditation and listening to energetic/uplifting music help a lot, and I also recommend trying to distract yourself with things that make you happy (Windstones? 🙂 )
Having just watched my dad die I have decided that i dont want to think about it, I want to live everyday to its fullest when it happens it happens I dont want to regret any of it, or miss any of it, I refuse to curl up and wait.
I waited in a waiting room for my Gramma to die basically. I am very distrustful of Iowa Hospitals simply for that reason. I know it was her time, but I blamed myself for her death although I knew it wasn’t my fault. It seemed until she knew I could handle it on my own, that she took care of me in an odd way. (And go ahead and laugh, you won’t be the first. But some things that could have gone way wrong at the worst times, didn’t.)
I don’t fear death, but I have a friend who talks of it all the time…How he won’t live through the next 4 years yet has a clean bill of health as of now. He says he isn’t scared, but deep down I wonder. A person who talks of it all the time, must think of it all the time.
I haven’t died yet, and I have fallen 25 ft out of a big tree, with no broken bones. Been run over and then backed back over (By a 1972 Monte Carlo…What a boat!), with no broken bones. Been in a high speed auto accident, and cracked my breast bone, but that was it. I suffer from back and chest pain occasionally, but otherwise I am still alive, upright and taking nourishment. Fear death? Nah, but we all have thoughts from time to time on how and when we will die. You are not alone. *hugs*Increased thoughts of death MAY be a sign of depression. I speak from personal experience though, when I was really going through some low times my thought patterns got increasingly macabre. I agree that it’s normal to have these thoughts and worries though. If you’re concerned that you really are thinking these thoughts too much, and can’t seem to manage them, I’d encourage you to speak with a therapist about them. If your thoughts and fears of death are starting to impact your daily life, or if you feel obsessive, there are plenty of simple non-drug based ways to reduce your anxiety. Fear of death is a normal instinct, but if you’re so sensitive to it you’re starting to worry, there’s nothing wrong with seeing somebody. We’re all happy to talk to you but there’s no substitute for a professional opinion either 🙂
When I was a little girl, my dad told me what death was–falling asleep and never, never, never waking up! For some reason that bothered me and I used to worry about my mom dying! I would go in her room while she was asleep just to make sure I heard her breathing. It was awlful! I thought I would die if my mom did because I wouldn’t want to live my life without her. Well unfortunately, she did die when I was 10. Then when I got married, I had this fear of my husband dying. Thought I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if he were to be gone. Well after 25 years of marriage, he did die and that was 10 years ago.
Also when I was that little girl, I had a fear of fire–I didn’t want to burn to death. Thought that would be the most painful death ever! In one of the apartment buildings near us, one of the smoke stacks was broken and you could see sparks flying out a bit and that worried me! Was scared of lighting, fireworks, sirens going by–I was a literal fraidy cat! Not sure what the root of all this was–did have a crazy childhood which I won’t go into and that could be a big part.
But I out grew a lot of fears and the deaths of loved ones happened and I’m still here. Yes, depression can be a big part of it, I literally wanted to die after my husband passed on and if it weren’t for my little dog Percy, I probably would have. I was worried about what would happen to him if I were not to be here. Then there’s anxiety–you’re out of work, I take it, so you already have a worry hanging over you.
It would be good for you to talk to a licensed therapist whenever you can. For now, on this forum, there are a lot of people, I’m sure that has walked in your shoes or who are still walking on them. I would wager to bet that there isn’t one of us who doesn’t have a quirk or two or more. We’ll try to help anyway we can–so if you need to vent and get these fears out there, go right ahead! You definitely are not alone!
This is really scary that you posted this thread last night Eaglefeather…..I hadn’t been on since you guys posted, but I was woken up rudely this morning after having a dream that my mom had died, and in my dream I was waking up from sleeping in her bed with the cats, crying miserably. Kind of weird since we were house sitting for the night so it wasn’t our bed and I woke up full expecting that I would be in my mom’s bed with the cats and she would be gone. It’s 2 hours later and I’m still sick to my stomach. Worst part is I know she’s out on house calls and I can’t really get ahold of her untill she checks her cell phone and calls me back (which may not be untill much later this afternoon).
So ya, fear of death and wether it’s painful is a normal thing. I too have dreams where I vividly see myself in a car accident and can re-create every detail of it. Like I can go to the intersection and draw out the scenario to Louis because I dream of places that exist and are local when I dream about car accidents. I also have a lot of dreams where I die from esanguination, wether from being shot or an accident that cuts me (car or machine accident), but I know where this stems from and have the scar to show for it…..so it’s founded.
While those are dreams I’ve played out plenty of scenarios while I’m awake about dying this way or that. It’s usualy when I’m driving and I see some one acting stupid on the road, my mind always thinks of the worst possible thing that could happen because of them, usualy ending in death, and so is a defense mechanism for safe driving on my part.
Maybe you are experiencing some postpartum depression, even though your baby isn’t an infant? Just a thought. I don’t think thinking about death all the time is good for you, though. We all know there is only one way out of this life, but still…living in fear of death is no way to live. Maybe if you can’t afford counseling, somebody that shares your faith would be helpful to talk to? I highly doubt anyone here will flame you for your beliefs, but truly the people that share your faith can help you best in that regard. I think you can benefit from a real life support system (w/o any shame involved!)….life is too short to worry so much about something you have no control over.
That said, we’re here for you. *hugs*
I did go through depression when I was a teen as well, and that’s probably where it stems from. But I’ve been fighting that demon tooth and nail, and he only pops up sometimes (no meds, no councilling). So that’s probably where most of the thoughts for me comes from. But my method of kicking myself out of the habit seems to be working (distraction) for me.
So maybe, eaglefeather, you should talk to a doctor… but we’re good to rant too! Really!!!
I think as mortal critters, we’re given to thinking about how fragile our bodies are and how tenuous our connection to this existence really is. You say you’re a born again Christian, have you talked to your pastor or someone in your congregation about your fears? Your pastor especially may have something to say to comfort you.
Also know that the doubt you reference is something every single one of us suffer from time to time. I do. I’m sure my mother does, but she doesn’t talk about it. My grandmother, I think, probably no longer feels it, as she’s mostly just living for us now, she has been ready to go Home for a long time now.
I think, from time to time, about my mortality, but mostly it’s about the aftermath and what will happen to some of the people I leave behind. I’m not afraid to die, as I’m like you, I’m secure in what will happen, but I’m not ready either.
I hope you find the best solution to ease your mind.
As everyone said, fearing death is a normal thing (survival instinct and all). Thinking about it a lot when you just lost someone is also normal, as when you just had a “near miss” type of incident happening to you.
But the way you describe it, no, it’s not right. Since you haven’t lost friends or family members and you don’t work in an environment where you constantly need to deal with the possibility of death – like a hospital – then I don’t think you should be having these thoughts, this frequently. You could speak with a priest, as Rusti said, or seek councelling. I strongly urge you speak with someone equiped to address this. We can listen, but you might have an underlying thing that needs to be rooted out.
I’ve gone through a major depressive episode and death never even came up in my thoughts (ok, so I’m weird), but thoughts about death definitely tend to be linked to depression. Ask your doctor. And talk about it with your close ones too.
Big hugs!
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI found this article…http://www.phobias-help.com/phobia_fear_of_death.html. Maybe it can help a bit for you to decide what to do. It’s just a short little blurb of an article, so it won’t take much of your time. 😉
It is nice to just read your posts. 🙂 I am glad I am not the only one who thinks about it but like someone said (I don’t remember 😳 ) I shouldn’t think about it to the point where it hinders my living. Sometimes it just hits me like a brick. I think about how fast time flies. I will see an old video clip and think, “Wow, they were only in their thirty’s and now they are dead-my life will be taken away from me like *snaps fingers* that!” And then I think, “My twenty+ years have gone by so fast. Soon I will be forty, then sixty, then it will be almost over.”
Someone else said something about surrounding myself with happy music-that does help! 🙂 But, I also think that I just need to get out of this house and get hired onto a job! I fully enjoy playing with Chloe during the day, but I find myself getting bored (as cute as it is watching her). I spent the first 5 years out of high school in college, and now that I am graduated, I feel like my mind is turning to jello, and that I am not fulfilling my life as it should be. I know that this is only a short period in my life, and that it will soon pass, but that is how I currently feel. I think that because of this, my mind wanders to how short my life might be, and whether or not it will be painful, and then I imagine the future without me. 🙁
WSC-your story did trigger a memory. When my grandma was going to have heart surgery (I posted about it when it happened-I think) I had a dream the night before that Grandma and I were laying in my bed together. I was holding her hand, and she passed away. When she passed away, I felt like I should die too, so I tried to stop my breathing. Fortunately I woke up, but it scared the crap out of me. My grandma is ready to go Home too, like Rusti said. Her way of preparing us for her death is to talk about her death like it’s to be expected soon. She doesn’t talk about it often, but enough to where I wish she didn’t. My fear of losing her(soon) might be also a cause for all of this horrible thinking on my part.
Rusti, I don’t know my pastor well, but he is a really nice and down to earth man that I feel comfortable enough talking to him about it. I will take your advice and ask him for his thoughts.
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