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alright i’m angry and hurt. last week there was a going away party for some crew everyone was drinking i was steering pretty clear of the booze though but i did have some. but anyways i have a co-worker who since the monent he got here has asked me to go out drinking and just to go anywhere alone with him and i have always said no. i try to be polite. and well last week i had a moment where a just wanted to lie down and i had been having conversation with him so i lied down on a bunk and we are still talking and before i ven have time to react he had his hand up under my shirt and on my bra. alls i could say was ” why is your hand on my bra?” there where people in the room to so i have witnesses of the event. he backed off. so i brought it to the attention of the mate and the captain they seemed concerned and said they would keep an eye on him…well we get back into port on Saturday and i spent all my time avoiding him and it doesn’t really seem like he gets the point of i don’t want him near me. so i ended up telling him if he touched me again i would kill him and yada yada.
i talked with the mate and the captain again the fallowing morning let them know what happened and then reiterated what had happened the week before…turns out they where under the impression that it was something like the guy tried kissing me or something nothing serious. so everything started to get taken care of and then all of the sudden i have everyone coming down on me… with comments of “if you didn’t smile so much he wouldn’t have gotten the wrong impression.”
i’m going to quit and go home. this isn’t worth the emotional strain or my time. 😡 🙁 😕 🙄 :nea: :shrug:First of all, I’m sorry this is happening to you, grayfire. Unfortunately, the woman in the situation is usually the one blamed for “instigating, tintillating, or tantalizing” the man into touching or harassing her. In some people’s eyes, just walking by a man is giving him permission to engage in sexual conduct. I’m sorry you have to quit over this, but I don’t blame you. Have you brought this matter up to the police, if your co-workers aren’t doing anything about it?
no i haven’t but i’m going to make it clear that if they don’t let me leave i’m going to take it to the court system.
That is just wrong that people are blaming you…I would be so mad. I am not sure what I would do in your situation, but I would reply to the people making comments about you smiling to much by saying “Fine! I will be a nasty witch (b) and then you will complain how I am nasty all the time. Which would you like? Me being nice or mean? Plus-I do not control his actions. Do not dare tell me that it’s MY fault for smiling.”
I am glad you are standing up for yourself!
Reading this makes me very angry. 😡 I thought we were making improvements in how we viewed women, people of color and people of other nationalities, religions, sexual orientations, etc and yet there still is the Neanderthal mentality that women are merely objects of pleasure to a certain group I call manure maggots. 👿 But oh excuse me, you smile a lot–you must be trying to attract someone’s attention–you know, you asked for it! Oh give me a break! Always the woman’s fault because she was nice and smiled. I guess those who are waitresses or stewardess–better not smile too much to the male patrons lest they think you want them in your pants! I’m glad you’re sticking up for yourself (of course then you’ll be labeled a *itch) and don’t back down either. Make good on anything you tell these jerks. Any man who pulls that line on you “but you smiled at me so I thought you were interested in me” even though you have told him NO NO NO many, many times is really no man at all. Too bad it is you who has to leave your job–if you can collect unemployment your reason could be that you were being sexually harassed and your superiors did nothing about it. Just might bring some heat on them–thought there were laws concerning this.
He put his hand UNDER your clothes and touched you?
That’s not harassment, that’s assault.
Harassment is when someone smacks you on the ass or says you have nice boobs — this is way beyond that. You need to go to the police and file a statement now — then you go back with the statement and attempt to resolve the issue and/or quit. Not the other way around.
You will have way more leverage later when you need to go to court, otherwise it will be thrown back at you that “if it was such a problem, why didn’t you file a statement sooner blah blah blah”.
The phrase “if you snooze you lose” unfortunately applies here. Even if you have no intention or don’t ever act on the situation later, you cannot go back and file your statement later. Think of it as insurance.
Totally agree with Snap – he gave excellent advice. I’m very sorry this happened to you and that those in charge are trying to say it is your fault. It is NOT your fault and do not let them convince you of that for one second. They should have fired the guy the first time you brought it up. Good luck.
Wow! 😮 Yeah, exactly what Snap said. That is assault and you should file something ASAP with the police, even if you don’t ever act on it. You want that on record in case you ever did need it, hoping that you won’t ever need to use it. It’s leverage and it’s covering your butt from a credibility and a legal standpoint. Sadly, that is one of the most common arguments that people use to put the blame on the woman (or man… men can be harrassed, assaulted or raped as well – a male friend of mine was while I was in college), that the harrassed/assaulted/raped individual ‘smiled’ too much or said something to lead them on, or wore something too provocative, that they ‘asked for it’. Total bull crap. 👿 No one ‘asks’ to be harrassed or assaulted (unless someone has some weird fantasy about that, but that’s a whole other category). They’re just trying to pass the buck and shoulder the blame on you and not deal with it, which is wrong. They can’t really make you stay against your will either, so if you wish to leave their employment because you don’t feel comfortable there any longer, then do what feels right to you. You definitely don’t need that. *HUGS* Good luck!
Again, I agree with snap. He put his hand under your clothing, and touched you inappropriately. And I agree that even if you don’t press charges right away, that you need to file it with the police as soon as possible!
I feel sad and angered that this happened to you. And no one ever asks for it. Ever. 😡 👿
Does your company have a Human Resources Dept or a union? Those are also good resources for you. YOU shouldn’t have to leave your company, especially in this economy, HE should have to leave! If you follow through with standing up for yourself, you are also standing up for all the other women (and men too) who have been or will be subjected to this horrible traumatizing behavior. This has GOT to stop and so far, the only way to get these morons to listen is to slap them with lawsuits that hurt their pride and wallets! In years past, men took free liberties and women had no power to stop them. When they took their power back and won some big lawsuits, the laws changed and gee, all of a sudden, the companies were holding trainings on what S/H was and telling these neantherals that they can’t do that stuff anymore because it was costing the companies MONEY!!! It’s still sticky, but the power is shifting and you have a RIGHT to do your job in peace and without fear and they have to learn to watch their behavior and their language or face the consequences and that’s the LAW!!! :shout:
So don’t you give up, y’hear? You have a lot more power than you think, so use it! Many people will back you up, you are not alone!! Women standing up for what is right is how we got the vote, remember? Many men also helped because they knew it was the right thing to do and it’s the same with this as it was then. It’s really important not to just “let it go” or run away, because it perpetuates the idea that these idiots can continue to do this stuff and get away with it because apparently the women don’t care and aren’t willing to fight back! Well , WRONG!!! We aren’t back in the 1900’s and we fought for the vote and we are fighting now for a peaceful productive workplace free of harrassment of any kind for both genders and that also means educating EVERYONE on what S/H means, translating it into useful concepts and examples and what the consequences will be for violations, and insisting that the consequences be enforced for everyone. Even neanderthals can learn simple concepts like “No you can’t do that”! (Well, most of them can!)
If you are uncomfortable about someone’s behaviour, you need to add your voice and experiences to the pile of evidence that says no, no more! That’s the only way to make the changes we need. EVERYTHING MATTERS!!! You do too!!!! Don’t let them get away with this and run you out of your job!
Hang in there, ok? Stand firm like a dragon!!! (I wouldn’t want to mess with a male or an SK or even an OW, would you? 👿 😮 )Absolutely what Snappy said!! What happened was assault – The police need to be involved ’cause you can bet you’re not the only one he’s done that to 👿 👿 👿
twindragonsmum
tdm
drgnlvr wrote:YOU shouldn’t have to leave your company, especially in this economy, HE should have to leave!
Heck yeah! I missed the part about you leaving-but you need to make sure that you keep your job while he leaves! 👿 👿 Filing a statement-and then pushing it in the faces of your employers is what you should do! Also-many lawyers offer free phone consultation for the first call-so it wouldn’t hurt to get their advice.
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