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I am afraid that I am starting to resent my husband (KC)a little bit because of the things he said and did throughout my pregancy, and now that Chloe is born. Part of it has to do with how his brother (Lance) is treating his wife (Carol) now that she is pregnant.
Lance always rubs Carol’s belly, he says how much he wants to shop for the baby and that it will be “so much fun”, he told everyone that Carol is expecting, and everything that happens he is all giddy about. This is great for them, but KC never did ANY of these things. When I told KC I was pregnant, he was angry, and it took me months to get him to even acknowledge my belly, I had to drag him to shop for the baby, he wasn’t quick at all to tell anyone that I was pregnant, and now that Chloe is born, he calls her fat, says he doesn’t like her, and says he doesn’t love her. He isn’t mean about any of these things, in fact he makes it humorous, but it really hurts my feelings. I have even told him this, and he still does it. Kc even ignores me, or is resistant to what I want done for the baby-even if it is as simple as putting a blanket over the carseat to protect her from wind. I wish that KC would have treated me like the way Lance is treating Carol. I almost don’t want to go around Lance and Carol anymore just because I witness everything that I wanted Kc to do to me.
I often go out of my way to make KC feel loved and special, so I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t feel loved.
KC does tell me that he loves me and that I am special, but I want him to treat me better when it comes to the baby. He is really good at taking care of her despite what he says about her.
I am starting to get to the point where I am snappy to KC. I never am, and in fact I am really sweet when I ask him to do stuff, and we never fight. I just feel like I will explode at him if he doesn’t stop. I don’t know what to do.
those are some really hard things to deal with. Really, I would talk with him about it…and about how it needs to change. Because your baby will sense the emotions of the people around her, and as she gets older, it will hurt her. She will ask why daddy doesnt want to do stuff with her, or play with her. I believe it hurts at any age myself, and that a daddy’s involvement is very important to a baby. Plus, his relationship with your child can either enhance your relationship, making it stronger…or deteriorate it, until it’s destroyed….which it seems to be doing now. 🙁
I don’t have any advice. But my brother likes to tease down my sister-in-law and the kids (they have 2) but he is just kidding. Maybe you need to just sit him down and have a serious talk. Tell him that it makes you feel terrible that he says he doesn’t love you or the baby you both make. Okay, I guess I did have some advice… 😉 *Hugs*
There are instances where the father becomes jealous of the attention a baby gets. It’s never conscious, mind you.
I’ll also ask a very hard question: did KC want a child at all? Another question: Did he want a son rather than a daughter?
These are just food for thought. A counsellor might and is probably better placed to help you.
These are feelings you should deal with right away. Don’t let them fester; in the long run, they’ll be bad for you, your husband and your daughter.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmHe never did want any children, and he did want a boy rather than a girl.
He never says that he doesn’t love me, he just says that he doesn’t love her. I think that he thinks it’s just a joke, but I am not amused anymore.
purplecat wrote:those are some really hard things to deal with. Really, I would talk with him about it…and about how it needs to change. Because your baby will sense the emotions of the people around her, and as she gets older, it will hurt her. She will ask why daddy doesnt want to do stuff with her, or play with her. I believe it hurts at any age myself, and that a daddy’s involvement is very important to a baby. Plus, his relationship with your child can either enhance your relationship, making it stronger…or deteriorate it, until it’s destroyed….which it seems to be doing now. 🙁
I agree, talk to him about it, and if he can’t talk to you about it, I think you should see a counselor. It will definately hurt your daughter to grow up in a household where her father doesn’t love her and makes her feel that way every day.
dragonmedley wrote:These are just food for thought. A counsellor might and is probably better placed to help you.
These are feelings you should deal with right away. Don’t let them fester; in the long run, they’ll be bad for you, your husband and your daughter.
I will try to sit him down to talk about it, but I am skeptical that he will respond in a serious matter. I don’t think he realizes how much it hurts me despite that I have told him that before.
I would recommend counseling, if he doesn’t want to go…then you go by yourself. I hope you get him to see the light before it developes any further. *HUGS*
Whether he thinks he means it or not, saying that he doesn’t love Chloe is a thing that he needs to stop doing. Saying the thing over and over can bring it to be. He needs to find some positive patterns to reinforce, not keep following this dangerous one.
I could be very cross with him, because it seems that he is acting out some anger over having a daughter, but in a completely nonconstructive way. When faced with the question directly, he denies it. But he keeps speaking his resentment against the baby, who can’t counter him and has no defense against the negative tone or emotion. He’s refusing to engage you, who could give him a proper “fight”, and targeting someone who can’t fight back. 👿 And, too, he’s avoiding the risk of having a fight with you. The thought of quarreling with you may upset and worry him–he may deeply value your relationship, and not want to see it harmed or changed.
I think KC has no idea how hurtful he’s being, but he needs to stop. I would strongly recommend you to see a counselor. It would be best for KC to go too, but if he won’t, you go. KC isn’t the first new father to be upset and alarmed by the responsibility of having a baby. The counselor should be able to give you the tools you need to help improve the situation. And, hopefully, get KC to come out and talk about what’s really bothering him so that you guys can become close again. I wish you the best of luck in this. It’s a sticky situation. 🙁
Wow…this is not good sweetie. You need to put your pretty little foot down now. Telling her or you that he doesn’t love your daughter is not a healthy behavior. Does he even hear himself?
I know you don’t want to fight with him, but he needs to face his feelings about your daughter now sooner than later. Before his resentment of her presence causes a serious rift in your relationship and damages Chloe emotionally along with her future relationship with him.
I’m with everyone else, you need professional counseling, this isn’t something you can deal with on your own.
He’s acting out, and it needs to be addressed.
Kyrin
I think its gonna get worse as your baby gets older and could possibly develope into verbal abuse or worse. I wouldnt stay with a man who treated me or my child like that. You are worth more than that, and so is your baby. I would suggest counseling, and if you point out that your relationship is on the line (He has to know you’re serious) and he still doesnt quit, I would get a divorce. You gotta think about that poor baby and what she is gonna feel like growing up around someone who says she is fat and he doesnt love her.
I agree what everyone else has been saying. Make him stop, get couseling, etc. I hope things work out for you and Chloe.
eaglefeather831 wrote:He never did want any children, and he did want a boy rather than a girl.
He never says that he doesn’t love me, he just says that he doesn’t love her. I think that he thinks it’s just a joke, but I am not amused anymore.
Well…regardless of how he had his life itenerary planned out, he is a father, and of a little girl. I find it a bit childish for him to act this way because life didnt align itself to his master plan. Loving you alone isnt enough any more, Chloe’s part of the package, for better of worse. Chloe is in many ways part of you, and part of him too. Perhaps he will take you seriously if you sit him down and let him know, “If this isnt worked out, and fixed, there will be no more us.” Because if it isnt fixed, your relationship will be destroyed.
Ok, well I did tell him how I seriously was hurt by the things he said about Chloe, and that he shouldn’t say those things. Also, I asked him to share his true feelings. I asked him if he really didn’t love/like Chloe, and he said that he really does love her, and that he is sorry for what he said. Then I made a dare for him (he is a sucker for those!) that he couldn’t say anything negative about Chloe all week, and in fact he had to say at least one nice thing about her, and he has to say it to her. He agreed, and so i will hopefully see some true thoughts and feelings come out. He has always had a hard time to express his true feelings.
It’s funny though, because you know the saying “actions speak louder than words”? Well, Kc always kisses her, and will smile at her, and talk to her while holding her, but then he would say these horrible things. So I don’t know what he was thinking when he would say these things.
But I think he really does recognize that what he was doing was hurting me a lot. I think I was pretty good at setting it up so he would think about it all night, and then we talked about it this morning too. I hope this is a good start!Also, he is so wonderful in every other aspect, you wouldn’t even believe, so I had never even considered ending our marriage. I just have a feeling that he is adjusting, but he does need to know that what he says can hurt Chloe and me. I won’t let him hurt us, but that’s where communicating helps, because how can he know it is hurting, if I don’t put my foot down?
Thanks to you all for giving me some advice. I think it gave me the courage to really confront him about it.
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