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I had an awful shock this morning. I found out a friend of mine, another veteran of the neo-cons’ stupid war on Iraq, tried to kill himself. Again.
This young man, we’ll call him Jake, was discharged just last year. His wife divorced him while he was in Afghanistan, and he comes from a broken family. Currently he’s staying with his sister, who’s fresh out of jail.
He suffers from depression and drink. For a while he was doing really well. He was proud to tell me he’d been off the booze for 5 weeks. But the last few lines he wrote me over MySpace were clearly done in a stupor.
I think he’s important, and I fear for his life. But I don’t know what to do.
I got his e-address over Soldiers’ Angels, a wonderful organization that let me meet a lot of different soldiers. Until last year they had something called the E-Squad, which unfortunately they dropped because a lot of people settled for word of mouth support instead of letters and packages. But it was good for me, since packages take 7 weeks – I kid you not – to reach the zones from here. Anyway, I digress. Jake had joined the E-Squad, I got his address, and we’ve stayed in contact since. He writes a lot, normally, but lately he’s been unusually quiet.
I know I’m going on and on, but obviously this has shaken me. It’s not the first time he’s tried suicide (he’s told me about other attempts) but I guess his trying it recently makes me feel like a failure. I want to help him somehow. I did get him to talk to my uncle, who’s actually a hunter/game guide but also had the side calling of working with distraught men like Jake. The talks with my uncle do help him. I just don’t know what to do with my e-mails.
Is it callous to tell about my life, which is so rosy and perfect compared to his? Or does that give him a sense of normalcy? I don’t philosophize at him or worry about him with every e; I doubt he’d appreciate that. And I don’t want to cut back with my writing…
I hope a little of this makes sense. I just had to make a clean breast of it. Thanks, y’all, for listening. 😥Oh GB! I’m so sorry to hear things are going so badly for your friend. I’m not really sure what advice to give you though. It sounds like he has had a rough go of it lately.
I hope things work out for your friend, but never feel guilty about your own life. I’m sure your friend would be the first one to tell you that.
I’m sorry about your friend, GB, I hope he gets some counseling and possibly anti-depressants.
The only thing you can do for him is what you are doing – keeping in contact and providing someone who listens to him. You aren’t a trained psychiatrist or other mental health care specialist but you are a good friend. I think telling him about your daily life is good – gives him something besides his own trouble to think about.
But is there someone in the organization you can contact to try and get professional help for him? That’s what he really needs and possibly hospitalization on a suicide watch. But other than than I would just keep doing what you are and, God forbid he does succeed in an attempt, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I know it is easy to say and hard to believe but it’s true.
I’ll keep you and your friends in my thoughts and prayers.
You are in a tough position GB.
I was 14 and at the end of my rope. During lunch, I went to the back fence of the school and sat down to write my suicide note. I was a recluse and felt everyone disliked me. I was very introverted, depressed, and shy. That coupled with the abuse at home, made for a pretty sucky life.
While I was writing, a girl who was walking by with her two friends told them to wait. She came over and asked if I was alright. She saved me that day.I can tell you one person can make a difference. Do what you have been doing if you can handle it emotionally but don’t blame yourself if he does end up dying.
If your uncle has been talking to him and is good at this stuff, you may want to ask him what you should say. I’m sorry about your whole situation with this. Just know we are all here for you. 🙂
I am sorry to hear about that GB. They say that when people try to commit sucide then they need help and that they really don’t want to die. Maybe you could try to find out what he needs help on or what he is depressed about. If you have his address maybe you could send him something to say that you care. Good Luck.
Thanks, girls. DDVM, he did have to go to the hospital after his attempt. In his e-mail he just said he was in the hospital. I found out from my uncle the real reasons behind it.
So you see, Jake won’t tell me everything either. It does make sense. I’m glad he’s talking to my uncle, man to man. I just hope that’s enough.
I keep wondering whether I should take the issue to the SA forum. But it just seems that their remedy is to send lots of cards and love and letters – which is fine, but Jake doesn’t want me to know how badly off he is, let alone all the Soldiers’ Angels.
I do have his address. Any suggestions on what I could send him? (It’s too hot for chocolate…)
Thanks too for your story, Phoenix. It’s scary – but it helps me.Greater Basilisk wrote:Thanks, girls. DDVM, he did have to go to the hospital after his attempt. In his e-mail he just said he was in the hospital. I found out from my uncle the real reasons behind it.
So you see, Jake won’t tell me everything either. It does make sense. I’m glad he’s talking to my uncle, man to man. I just hope that’s enough.
I keep wondering whether I should take the issue to the SA forum. But it just seems that their remedy is to send lots of cards and love and letters – which is fine, but Jake doesn’t want me to know how badly off he is, let alone all the Soldiers’ Angels.
I do have his address. Any suggestions on what I could send him? (It’s too hot for chocolate…)
Thanks too for your story, Phoenix. It’s scary – but it helps me.Send him something happy. Maybe something that is personal or painted by you.
I am very sorry GB. Just be there for him to talk to. Do your best, its all you can do. I like the idea of painting something for him.
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