So yeah my husband is in the hospital *HE'S HOME*

He wasn’t feeling good over the weekend and went to the doctor today. Turns out he has pneumonia again and its bad. His pulmonary function dropped alot and he has a fever and his oxygen sats were only 91%. Looks like he will be in the hospital for at least a week if not more before they send him home on iv antibiotics. I can’t go see him until Friday since I have to work and the hospital is an hour away from my house. I used to visit him after work but I just can’t stay awake like I used to and I know I would fall asleep driving home. I’m going to have to reschedule my first ob appointment since I don’t want to have him miss hearing the babies heart beat for the first time. I just hope they can get this infection under control and bring his lung function back up abit or else he will have to be listed as active on the lung transplant list and I really wanted him to last at least a year before that. I don’t even think an emerald peacock old warrior could cheer me up right no 😥

Sometimes I wish I could have a normal relationship that didn’t involve hospital visits and the constant worry of how much time my husband has left. It really does stress me out but then again I knew that my husband would not live as long as other men his age. I can deal with the hospitals, iv’s and nurses visiting the house all hours of the day and night but just knowing that every time he gets sick it damages his lungs more and more. One day his lungs will finally give out on him and if he doesn’t get a transplant will die. Its hard since I can’t see myself with anyone else but then again I know we will not be able to grow old together. At first I was happy that we were finally pregnant after 8 years of trying but then I think is it right to bring a child into this world knowing that one of his/her parents could die while they are very young? Is it fair to my husband that I will not be able to devote all my time to him like I have always done in the past? These are some of the reasons I still haven’t told our relatives about the baby since I know they will throw this back in our face and ridicule us for our choice. Blah I’m ranting. I hate being in this house by myself. Its dark and lonely and I’m not used to being home alone. I just talked to my husband on the phone but he could only talk for a minute since some doctor came in the room and he had to hang up. I wish I was there so I could know what is going on instead of sitting here giving myself a headache.